How would you feel about having a male midwide

[Lardlizard]

Just interested in the points of view

Before having DC2 I would have said I felt a bit odd about the idea. Then labour with DC2 was kick started by a male obstetric consultant pretty much elbow deep trying to break my waters, no, I wouldn't feel odd about a male midwife any more.

It's probably more to do with a male not having a womb and cervix so I don't k ow how confident I would be with them talking about what I was experiencing.

Well, i’m afraid that’s rather how life works - people become prejudiced

Nope. Big old nope.

Because it is wrong to judge in that way. We'll never agree so it's pointless.

It’s not judging, it’s protecting yourself and risk assessing. What you’re doing is expecting women to feel uncomfortable and potentially risk their safety, just to protect some kind of ideological view that isn’t based in reality. Why aren’t you thinking about what men should do to change the situation? You’re still blaming women for responding to their life experience and the very real risk we encounter. Sorry but you’re victim blaming.

I’m so glad my DH doesn’t think that women feeling uncomfortable around him when vulnerable is somehow a judgement on him. He understands and would never ever take it personally.

One of my midwives was a lesbian (and had never had children) so that could partly be seen the same way. Didn't care one not.

Wouldn't care about having a male midwife either.

“One of my midwives was a lesbian (and had never had children) so that could partly be seen the same way.”

No it couldn’t. She was a woman.

It’s not judging, it’s protecting yourself and risk assessing. What you’re doing is expecting women to feel uncomfortable and potentially risk their safety, just to protect some kind of ideological view that isn’t based in reality. Why aren’t you thinking about what men should do to change the situation? You’re still blaming women for responding to their life experience and the very real risk we encounter. Sorry but you’re victim blaming.

I could answer all your points and we could debate all day but like I said earlier we'll never agree so it's pointless and I don't wish to upset anyone like you that has experienced any sort of abuse.

I'm sorry for what you have been through.

I had a male student at my last birth at one point (although he seemed rather offended when I asked if he was training to be a midwife, he was a student doctor not midwife) and I wasn't keen on it but he at least spoke English (I had had a lot of midwives and students by that point, long labour, and only one spoke confident English and I was in too much pain to manage with Finnish) so I put up with it.

It's odd really, I never had an issue before, only in the last year or so that I've been less comfortable with the idea.

Because it is wrong to judge

Be honest about what you're saying here, which is 'it's wrong to judge men '(in a way that causes them hurt feelings and to be rejected by women in some situations.)

You're merrily judging away about women who have had different life experiences to you and want to make different choices to you that you perceive as disadvantaging and being exclusionary towards men.

Try some Riley Dennis: I suspect Riley's line in 'it's fine to avoid penises if you're a lesbian who has been traumatised but you need to get over it as fast as possible for the sake of the lesbians with penises who need sex from you' is something that at heart you'd agree with.

When women shame other women for wanting single sex provision when they themselves don't, they are validating the removal of choice, they are validating shaming and deriding and emotionally blackmailing women into accepting disempowerment and their bodily autonomy, and they are making trauma and distress unacceptable to show, or share, or live openly.

That to me is one hell of a lot more wrong, it really is.

I posted earlier that I had a male midwife and all was fine.
But, prior to that, I would probably have felt uneasy, and berated myself for it.
But then I've never suffered particularly at the hands of men, I can imagine it must be difficult for those who have.

Oh ok then Little, fair enough. You've been 'what about the men-ing' the whole thread so I thought you had a different agenda and you earlier said 'I want to be free to choose the best HCPs regardless of their sex'. That's why I wondered where you go for your healthcare to have so much choice. Now you're saying if you were offered a male midwife, you'd accept. Thank you for clarifying.

Over had a Male midwife and he was wonderful!

I think female socialisation can be harder to overcome when you are vulnerable and in pain or afraid. When I had my DS the female midwife present at the pushing stage told me to stop making so much noise. I knew if I was concentrating on keeping quiet I would be able to push effectively and was able to tell her so. I'm not sure I would have been able to be as assertive with a male.

That should be unable!

Argh! Unable to push effectively!

One of my midwives was a lesbian (and had never had children) so that could partly be seen the same way.

In what way was your female lesbian midwife comparable to a man? How offensive to lesbians!

I'm genuinely surprised how many women here have said they have had male midwives. Given that in 2015, out of 42,000, only 122 were men.

That was in the UK, though. So perhaps it's different elsewhere.

The pushing of all women losing the right to single sex spaces and provision to include men means taking ownership of the fact that by doing so you will exclude a significant group of women from women's spaces and provision.

Those women will have nowhere else to go. No voice. No services. The will not be able to 'identify' into a choice of alternatives. They will be some of the most vulnerable women in the population. These women will be left between accepting conditions that are distressing and unbearable to them or having no services at all. In order that less than 1% of the male population may benefit from having alternatives to the provisions already available to them.

Own it.

Everyone of all sexes and all genders should have the right to select a hcp by sex without having to justify it or be shamed for it.

Be honest about what you're saying here, which is 'it's wrong to judge men

I've said in other posts that's it's wrong to judge anyone based on a wider group they belong to, not just men at all. Where I live Muslims were spat on after September 11th. They were judged for what other Muslims did even though they personally had no history of being anything other than nice, peaceful, law abiding citizens. That's wrong too. I could give many other examples but if you choose to think I'm only defending men, that's up to you.

You're merrily judging away about women who have had different life experiences to you and want to make different choices to you that you perceive as disadvantaging and being exclusionary towards men.

I've said many times that I respect the right for women to choose a female health professional but again, think what you want.

I'm saying not all men should be tarred with the same brush. That doesn't mean I think a woman shouldn't be able to choose a female midwife, they should. I don't agree that men shouldn't be able to be midwives though, they should.

Given that in 2015, out of 42,000, only 122 were men.

Me too, really. Mine was in 2005.
Although, he was the only midwife I ever saw out of dozens I suppose, he just happened to be the one on duty for the birth.

I wonder if they mean male obstetricians in some cases? I have had 2 kids and I saw zero male midwives, but a male doctor did deliver my DD.

I suspect all these posters had the same male midwife Datun, given how wonderfully amazing and so much better he is compared to all the other female midwives.

I've said many times that I respect the right for women to choose a female health professional

While adding the rider that it's wrong. That really isn't respecting those women's choice. Your posts are showing you are much more uncomfortable about judging groups of men than you are about judging women making choices you don't agree with. Sexism has been deeply ingrained in all of us, much of it done unconsciously.

I would refuse any and all male HCP. Female carers only.

Sagradafamiliar
I don't think I've once said "what about the men". I've said I didn't have a good experience with female midwives and that for my own personal reasons I prefer male hcps.

Several other posters asserted that men can choose male nurses for intimate care or catheterisation and I pointed out that isn't true.

No "what about the men" at all.