How would you feel about having a male midwide

[Lardlizard]

Just interested in the points of view

No it's not the same. I know you are going to derail this thread, so I'm going to leave it there.

I would struggle.
I'd like to say I wouldn't, but I would.
Like a lot of survivors of physical or sexual violence would. There are many who wouldn't, I'm sure.

Didn’t realise that Sagrada I was under the impression numbers had fallen significantly in recent years, though I can’t recall why I thought that! Increased quality of applicants still applies though.

Oh I don't know how I'd feel.

I think I would have been fine with it, but a close friend of mine was horribly abused by her breast reconstructive surgeon (he ended up going to prison), and that's really coloured how I see things now.

I also had a really horrible smear recently (it was a woman performing it but I think I would have been even less comfortable with a man).

What you’re doing is blaming women who have this discomfort, for feelings that they cannot help based on a lifetime of male behaviour which has caused it.

I'm not blaming the women at all. I'm just saying you shouldn't judge a group of people based on what some of them do. Things have happened in my life, my father is an abusive man. I don't think every man is bad because of this nor am I super cautious of all men. Personally if I felt this way after the experience I had with my father, I would get help because that would have a huge impact on my life and relationships and I wouldn't want that.

I'm sorry for what you have been through though and completely respect any woman's right to choose female health professionals.

I am sure this is not true of anyone on here. But there do seem to be women who leap to the defence of men, are quick to say they prefer the company of men and so on. “Cool girl” types. I can understand how someone who has been abused by a woman might prefer a male HCP. But I honestly cannot imagine why anyone would in any other circumstances.

Sagradafamiliar

Why am I being contrary? Due to issues growing up I am more comfortable with male hcps. That is my right. If I have the choice ie "is it ok if John is your midwife" then yes, I will choose him.

If I can choose my dr or my consultant (I have had treatment privately then for certain conditions I am more comfortable dealing with a man).

That is my choice. I am not demanding anything. I am not limiting anyone else's choice, in fact I am making it easier for those who only want female staff by agreeing to accept the male staff.

My choice is just as valid as anyone else's.

BertrandRussell

Because some women have had abusive mothers and don't see women as a "safe" choice.

“Because some women have had abusive mothers and don't see women as a "safe" choice.”

I did say I understood that this might be the case.

Bertrand, I almost always prefer a male HCP. I wouldn't demand one over a woman or anything but I do prefer, or am certainly very comfortable with them.
I have no real reason for that other than the ones I've met have all been sensitive, kind and professional.
No one answer will suit anyone

*everyone

BertrandRussell

I agree it's unusual for a woman to say they would prefer a man. I think it's much more common for women to just not mind. Or not want a man at all.

I had one. It made me giggle watching him flumpf about on a birthing ball. I wound up with a section.

Wouldn't be bothered as long as they knew what they were doing and were nice.

“I'm just saying you shouldn't judge a group of people based on what some of them do.”

Well, i’m afraid that’s rather how life works. If men don’t want to be judged by the worst of them, then they should speak out more, and address the fact that they, as a group, commit the overwhelming majority of violent and sex related crimes, and women are often justifiably wary of them.

I had an emergency section with both male and female doctors and nurses in the room. The male anaesthetist came bounding up all cheery and said "hi I'm Jamie, I just need to do a quick shave" and off came some of my pubic hair

SleepingSloth

No you do not ‘completely respect’ a woman’s choice on this because you keep repeating its wrong to ‘judge’ a whole group based on what some do, you literally just said it. It’s not judging, it’s risk assessment ffs

Well, i’m afraid that’s rather how life works. If men don’t want to be judged by the worst of them, then they should speak out more, and address the fact that they, as a group, commit the overwhelming majority of violent and sex related crimes, and women are often justifiably wary of them

It may be how life works but we have been trying to get away from that crap surely.

My OH and son shouldn't have to speak out more if they don't want to be judged. They are individuals who deserve to be judged on who they are personally, not as part of a wider group. They are good people, caring and very much in favour equal rights. Why should they be judged on the behaviour of my father who was abusive to me?

No you do not ‘completely respect’ a woman’s choice on this because you keep repeating its wrong to ‘judge’ a whole group based on what some do, you literally just said it. It’s not judging, it’s risk assessment ffs

Because it is wrong to judge in that way. We'll never agree so it's pointless.

A male consultant delivered dd2 by ventouse, thanks to him we both didn't die. I also had a male student midwife for ds2 helping.
I didn't give a shit who delivered those babies as long as they knew what they were doing. They both did.
Ds 3 was born at 33 weeks, we had a whole team of male and female medical staff in the delivery room, again all I wanted was my baby born safely. He was.

“My OH and son shouldn't have to speak out more if they don't want to be judged.“

Yes they should. It’s shit- but men have to show themselves to be trustworthy. And their collective silence about the behaviour of other men makes them complicit.

Not my Nigel!

My partner is a lovely man too. I don't expect other women to know that and fully understand they might be wary of him on a dark night, not want him in their intimate space etc. If he took offence to that I'd lose a great deal of respect for him. He wouldn't though, because he is aware that women are vulnerable to male violence and doesn't expect them to be psychic.

“My OH and son shouldn't have to speak out more if they don't want to be judged

They absolutely should! Rather be part of the solution than the problem.

All these posts saying ‘oh I had one, I didn’t mind’ don’t discount the women that do. If only 1 women in a million has a problem with a male midwife then she should be accommodated, no questions asked - not be subjected to ‘well the last lady didn’t care so why should you?’

Yes they should. It’s shit- but men have to show themselves to be trustworthy. And their collective silence about the behaviour of other men makes them complicit

The men in my family are not complicit. If there's a conversation about a certain case then they will obviously agree that it's horrendous - because they are human ! They don't somehow share responsibility though.

I was one of the “I had one, I didn’t mind” posters. I apologise if that appeared to discount any other women’s choices, I absolutely believe all choices are valid.
I don’t know why I posted to say I had one, really, it wasn’t actually relevant