How would you feel about having a male midwide

[Lardlizard]

Just interested in the points of view

My problem is having people on this thread calling for only female midwives etc.

That also takes away my choice.

You are free to request only female hcps.

I want to be free to choose the best hcps, regardless of their sex.

I am a neonatal nurse, and we have male midwifes, they would be heartbroken if they read some of these messages.

Oh wow, so you believe that women should go through the trauma of being touched intimately by a man when they don't want to be, so that that man doesn't feel 'heartbroken'?

Anyway, I really doubt they would be heartbroken anyway, not the good ones. Any truly decent midwife, male or female, will have full awareness of how vulnerable a woman may feel and the reasons behind that. Any male midwife who feels upset at this, doesn't have the understanding required to be a good midwife anyway.

I would have issue with gay man too.

I don't have issue with his sexuality, its been already said, but with his sex! Gay or not,he's clearly not a woman.

Stats only relate to that proportion of the population, we all know that. Those same stats tell us women are not out there killing like men, or assaulting lik men, or sexually assaulting like men.

This has nothing to do with sexual 'attraction' like some seem to believe

I love the way you all assume that only men assault! I have no comprehension issues thank you!! I’m reading all of your posts, I see what I see. You all clearly see what you want to see with mine! I’m not saying women shouldn’t have a choice, choice is fine. I’m saying that you are all assuming men are assholes who want to assault at any opportunity as that’s what I see you all saying!! Didn’t mean to upset anyone to be honest!!

Sorry, you do have comprehension issues; perhaps your user name is an indication of why! I certainly never mentioned assault in any of my posts. I did mention that my preference is for someone who has not only medical competence but a deep sensitivity, sensitivity being one characteristic which unfortunately, in my life, I have found lacking in most (not all) men. So, my criteria are at the extreme other end to "fear of assault".

As for the male midwives who would be heartbroken at reading these posts: sorry, that rules them out. That is not sensitivity - which is the ability to feel into another -- it is narcissism. It's not about them. It's about the mother.

Fair few female midwives who need sacking then if that's the criteria they need to meet. 5 days I was in labour with my dd, out of all of those midwives only 2 met your criteria. The rest were a mix of cool, aloof, spiteful, rough and disinterested.
Possibly. I did say "the perfect midwife*. It's also the reason why, for my second birth, I had a home birth and chose the midwife.

My first (hospital) birth -- I can't even remember the midwife. I do remember about ten male medical students rushing into the room just as I was giving birth and gawping. Giving birth is an incredibly intimate time. I want a midwife who is with me the whole time, whom I can talk to and open myself up to. I don't rule out men, but I would definitely have to have met this very special male midwife in advance, so that we can get to know each other.
I'm lucky I had the choice for my second birth.

Who cares? they are medical professionals.

Yeah, bloody women and their peksy boundaries.

Couldn't care less. There were men involved in all my births and I never questioned or noticed really.

To all those saying you wouldn't want one, what if the midwife was m2f trans - and hadn't had the op?

Well, most people who would be ok with a male have been very clear they’d object to a trans person, Eliza

I wouldn't want any male, trans or otherwise. With no choice of female I would opt for a man who acknowledges he is a man though over one who says they are a woman and wants me to play along whilst my actual female body is going through labour.

I would refuse a male midwife unless there was no alternative. I would prefer a female midwife. The assumption is that both are at least as competent as each other, and competent enough to be doing the job.

I'd feel the same as if it was a woman. As long as they are trained and qualified, I wouldn't care less.

It wouldn't bother me but women should be given the option to decline and request a woman

I had one with last DC. There were 3 female midwives in the room and none of them believed I was at the pushing stage because I’d only been there 10 mins. If it hadn’t been for him I’d have dropped my baby on the floor (gave birth standing up, got stuck like that due to intensity of contractions). He was knelt behind me.

Later that year he won Midwife of the Year for that hospital.

I would prefer a female, and that goes for gynaecologists and nurses performing smear tests as well.
I am a former nurse and logically I do know that men are capable of being as professional and caring as women are, but I still would feel uncomfortable receiving that level of care from a man . That includes transwomen Eliza9919
A PP mentioned men not being able to choose male carers for intimate care. From what I've heard most men who express a preference also prefer female nurses, though when I was working (admittedly a long time ago) female nurses were not allowed to catheterise men and urologists and surgeons were generally men, so they often weren't put in that position anyway.

all men are arseholes no, you're wrong there. We're talking about stats. Clearly not 'all'.

upset you are rather making assumptions and accusations about pp, but they don't sound upset.

Who cares? they are medical professionals.

Good grief. Excuse me for saying that I do care!
Medical professionals are also people with personalities. In such an intimate situation I would like a midwife who has not only learned what to do but how to do it with empathy for me and my needs.

Quoting midwife of the year is shutting down women's voices here.

I think everyone has been very clear in saying that this is not a competition of whether female or male.make better MWs?!?

Why does that keep being the argument?

I know very experienced MWs who totally know male consults who shut women up and won't listen, have no ears!

I am glad to hear that more women are balancing that out, and if any of them have no ears at least they'll be of female.body themselves!

female nurses were not allowed to catheterise men

That's not correct. I was a staff nurse on a male urology ward from 91 - 94. We all catheterised men. There were only 2 male nurses so no way could the patients have requested a male. We also used to get called to other wards to catheterise men when the drs were too busy.

There is no choice for male patients.

I wouldn't want one personally, but then unless its an emergency situation I won't see a male HCP for any reason. I only see female GPs, nurses, midwives etc. To me a MtoF HCP is a man so no, I wouldn't be seen by one. Not because they're trans, but because they're male. I'd be happy to be seen by a FtM trans HCP.

When my labour wasn't progressing and I needed prepping for a potential C section of course I let a male anaesthetist and consultant deal with it, but if a female alternative had been available I'd have preferred it. Part of that is having been at medschool and seeing the disgusting way my colleagues, now doctors, spoke about their female patients (pretending to be sexually inappropriate with female cadavers, rating their female patients on looks etc, discussing the vaginas/ breasts of women they'd performed intimate exams on - yes I told the medschool, no they did nothing more than give those men a reluctant slap on the wrist). But even without that I just generally feel that men don't understand, care to understand, or just care in general about women very much. Maybe that's unfair and sexist but, to go back to my labour, I had a massive episiotomy, forceps and ventouse delivery, loads of stitches, a catheter, and generally felt like I'd been in a car crash the next day. Have never been in so much pain before or since. I asked the male consultant for painkillers and he literally scoffed at me (as in snorted laughter and rolled his eyes and asked "why?"). The female midwife laid into to him on my behalf, but I really don't think a female doctor would have had such a massive empathy bypass over the fact that a woman who'd just been through a traumatic labour might need pain relief.

I think, if I'm totally honest, that after a lifetime of being treated very badly by men, I just don't like or trust any of them very much. I try to avoid men as much as possible, and only really enjoy the company of my partner and brothers. Apart from that I only have women in my life. I accept that that's probably unfair and I know that it's sexist to judge people as guilty til proven innocent based just on their sex, but I didn't end up with these feelings for no reason. It's not a random belief that I plucked from the air, it has 30 years worth of context surrounding it.

It wouldnt bother me. Theyve all done the same training - what dya think theyre really gonna do? Go and have a tug after at the thought of a birthing vagina?

Same question could be asked how youd feel about a lesbian midwife surely?

Id not care what gender or anything they were aslong as they had the right medical knowledge to make things go as smoothly as possible.

I had a male midwife, I wasn’t asked if I minded and I felt I couldn’t say no as he was from a different race & I didn’t want to be accused of racism. I felt very uncomfortable having a strange man examine me, I’d never met him before and I never saw him apart from when he was on that shift (I had 3 nights in hospital). I didn’t see him with either of my subsequent births. My favorite midwife was one who I knew vaguely from having a mutual hobby who’d never had children. The birth with her was the easiest.

I had one for a small part of my birth before he went off shift. He was excellent. Kind and gentle. In comparison I had had a tired grumpy aggressive woman midwife just before him who examined me roughly and was clearly impatient as I wasn’t progressing and was asking too many questions. In the end I had a 43 hour labour and ds was delivered by emergency c-section after his heartbeat became erratic. Turns out he was back to back wedged in my pelvis and could never have been delivered without intervention. I knew something was wrong and that women hurt me through anger and impatience and I am still furious about it.

HOWEVER I reserve the right to say which sex I want treating me medically at such a vulnerable time and everyone should have that right.

Stop comparing lesbians to men!