If I were to wake up with a male body tomorrow I would...

[Nightwitch]

And if such a thing was possible, if rare, I would probably have a wank. Just to see what it's like from the other side.
Then, I'd try to guess my clothes and shoe size and order some stuff off the Internet so I could leave the house.
At work, since I speak to people on the phone a lot. I'd marvel at how much more my clients are willing to listen and take what I say on board so much more.
When I go to the gym, I use the male changing rooms since that's what my body says and I know how my male body will disturb the women there.
I still put the welfare of others first because I was socialised female...

I would immediately apply for a job I'm under-qualified for and then blag/brag my way through the interview in order to be offered the post.
Then I would spend my time in meetings making sure that I constantly interrupted any women who might be speaking by saying things that sound intellectual but really mean absolutely nothing. No one would interrupt me or contradict me so I would continue to believe my own hype.

Then I would go home and wank.

God yes I would always be ready faster than ex despite him leaving me to get the kids ready, pack bags etc etc. He would just be wandering around looking for his shoes the whole time.

It might be interesting to experience that inability to see things that are right in front of you so many men seem to have.

I agree with most of these having a wank & having sex with a woman I’d be too curious to know what it felt like for the man.

First thing tho - I’d do that helicopter motion with my knob and balls.. again, just to know what it feels like.

I think I’d make an okay guy but I’d definetely have an ego, especially if I had a big knob

It might be interesting to experience that inability to see things that are right in front of you so many men seem to have.

Just for balance, I'm the one in our relationship who can't look for things. DH calls it 'Terry Looking'. I do a cursory look then say, "DH where is... oh found it". He even has a dance he does when I do it. DD is the same. But we can both get ready quickly

DC and men! Can't see things, because DC haven't acquired responsiblility...

Ooh loving this thread, tis the bestest thread ever.
Sooo
Wank, sex with a woman, blow job, hands in pockets presumably feeling my balls almost permanently.

All the DIY required at that time, see if I could do well in the gym.
I would have to somehow make it clear that women do get the shittiest deal, and men are men and not women. Because I would be taken more seriously. I would buy clothes with pockets

I was curious to see if I could join in with the lighthearted banter. Obviously women can take less than 4 hours to get ready. Obviously women do go to the bar. Obviously your husbands are not permanently wanking and shagging random women and fighting every night in the pub. It's just a bit of fun - isn't it?

Sure, join in - imagine yourself waking up in a woman's body, equivalent in age etc to your current male one. What would you want to try?

I'd take a 45-minute shit.

Just to find out how it can possibly take that long.

It's lighthearted. And some stereotyping allowed, but not too much.
Of course we don't take ages getting ready, the denizens of FWR, but come on, most women take ages, it's infuriating.

While we're on it, I would enjoy going to the toilet by myself without having to take a friend

Not sure about that suggestion that men are in fact more at risk than women of violence. I like to run alone for head space and was put off it recently by news stories about women out jogging alone who were murdered or where a man tried to pull them into a car. I know I’m being a Bad Feminist to let it put me off but it can be scary out there running alone in the hills with no phone reception. I have never heard of a man being abducted and murdered while out jogging. So that’s why that would be the first thing I would do as a man - run alone with no fear.

Or less fear maybe...

I'd go for a very late night run, alone, without worrying so much about whether or not I'd be raped and murdered.

Well having lurked for ages ive never posted here...

I think you might all be disappointed with the wanking. Bloody mess everywhere To boot.

If i woke up as a woman i’d play with my boobs. Once I’d finished that It would be lunchtime so I’d go and buy some chocolate just to see what all the fuss is about. Come home amd log into love honey and buy a vast array of dildo’s, vibrators and rabbits, just coz i can and see how many orgasms i can have in a row.
Then i’d get my hair done. I would actually have hair!! Lots of lovely hair!!
I would get pregnant and have a baby - I’d want to know what it’s like.

Wank
Have sex
Piss EVERYWHERE

Hopefully I’d be a tall man cos I’m 5”2 and I really want to know what it’s like to be 6”4

I wouldn’t have a fight but I’d definitely want to test my strength.

Not sure about that suggestion that men are in fact more at risk than women of violence

Statistics say they are - but largely as a result of not self-limiting their activities in the way many women do. If not actually 'risky behaviour', at least less risk-averse.

DH goes to social events in a large city (discussion then pub after type of thing). I don't. I'd like to... yeah, that's something I'd definitely be doing with the male body. And being able to participate in the discussion without being interrupted or having my contributions assessed differently merely because of being a woman...

I’d have to Mansplain things to women too. Just because.

I just assumed I would be tall.
Knowing me I'd wake up Ian Hislop.

If I were a woman for a day....

Definitely the hair thing. Having hair again would be cool. I'd also like to try crying at work/home whenever I mess up, to get me out of the shit.

Onanism is a given, of course

Yes, that I would like to experience, not trying to hide under a hood, and wear body-shape blurring jackets and sweats, so I'm not obviously beboobed!

To stick out chest without it taken as an offer to have it grappled with ..blleeeeuuurgh!

I'd wake up, think "oh my goodness", and re-read Orlando before getting out of bed. Then I'd get up, put on corporate armour (beautifully tailored suit, lovely silk tie, nicely ironed shirt - ironed by someone else) and go out to do battle with the world. From my lofty position at the head of a Fortune 500 boardroom, I would right what wrongs I could, or at any rate those that Miss Triggs had brought to my attention. I'd lunch at The Garrick (no women allowed). After lunch, I'd visit my barber (quick and inexpensive) and my tailor (less so).

Then I'd drop into the House of Lords to contribute some of my words of wisdom to a debate of vital national importance. I would speak with confidence and everyone would listen to me carefully. In the evening, I'd be booked into one of those charity dinners that sprung up in the wake of the demise of the Presidents Club. Finally, I'd walk home to my pied-a-terre flat, no need for a taxi as I quite like the dark streets. I'd fall asleep safe in the knowledge that DC were capably taken care of by DW, at my real home, deep in the Home Counties. Nothing to worry about.

Quite a sickening read Tiggywinkle

It's really real.

Oh, come off it, Smother. It’s a bit of fun. It isn’t ‘really real’. How many CEOs/ House of Lords members do you think there are in Grimsby or Carlisle or Galashiels? Plenty of binmen and miners and fishermen and homeless blokes though, if you or anyone else fancies waking up as one of them.

Tiggy! You just went to sleep in your pied-a-terre, you forgot to use it to conveniently shag Miss Triggs! Rookie error