‘More acceptance’ of S&M needed

[Imnobody4]

talkradio.co.uk/news/more-acceptance-needed-sm-activities-19032230392
My morning isn't starting well. Haven't heard the programme - not sure I could stand it.

There’s abuse in the community. Yes. There is. But there is a tide against it.

There’s also pages of google about abuse in the Catholic Church. 🤷‍♀️ Do you argue with those supporting the victims there and advocating for changes?

I’m telling you there are “ethical” (for want of a better word) BDSM practitioners who are already awareness raising and campaigning within the community and you don’t have the same awareness of that due to not being in the community.

I strongly agree. This has been my experience too.

Morality that’s not my experience.

I can think of one event that has shut down because the crew missed a consent violation. (Female sub, male Dom, female Domme - not me - stepped in and fingered the sub without consent)

And I supporter the woman going to the police.

attacking me, to the point where i go fuck it, not worth the shit I take

So because someone disagrees with you on a mumsnet thread, you would stop what you consider to be valuable work.

We have to agree with you or shut up, or you will stop your advocacy work and that will be our fault?

I have not given a single personal attack, all I have done is speak about how I think bdsm harms women as a class.

Are you comparing a world religion to the BDSM scene?

That doesn't really stand up for me.

But if it comes down to it, my view would be not to practice through that organisation : whether it's a corrupt religious organisations or an abusive, exploitative sexual lifestyle organisation.

In the former at the very very least you can continue to practice but keep your children and young people away from ANY unsupervised contact with priests. In the case of BDSM you are the equivalent of the child,bits up to you to keep yourself away from it.

I think there needs to be some sort of declaration from the BDSM/kink community of what does not constitute BDSM/kink and perhaps even offering services as expert witnesses to say 'that BDSM gone wrong defence is bs because what went on in this crime does not adhere to community standards'.

BankofEngland

You see to me by the time someone's in the community, they've already been exploited .. it's likely they got there under the wing of someone else (or numerous someone else's), and I have a huge question over much of what "they" want is truly what they want. In my view they'd be better having counselling than getting into that scene as a sub.

I was naive enough to think this was just something else to try but for years i had hardly any enjoable sexual activity with him and went home feeling abused - the verbal abuse which he said was "in play" was the most traumatic for me, actually, I'm not a slut or a whore and the constant repetition of this took its toll.

This is really sad

It's clear that some controlling wankers love to drag women down and make us feel shit. It is very much typical of abusers to wear down and head fuck. It is troubling that the mainstreaming of S&M makes this easier to do.

I have a huge question over much of what "they" want is truly what they want.

Yes, you also get this with swingers or what have you. There is one person who wants it and who seeks out someone else to manipulate into doing it with them.

It's amazing how much people on this thread seem to know about BDSM when they have never done it and seem incapable of listening to anyone's experience of it.

So how do these power exchanges take place?
Any way the parties involved like, really.
D/s doesn’t stop at sex for many people.
For my friend (and me to a lesser extent) it’s an authority exchange where the Dom has power and the sub willingly gives it. Which can really mean anything the D and s decide they want their D/s to incorporate. So think instructions, service oriented acts, etc. A lot of it is to do with emotional openness and honesty. My D has me check in with a set of specific questions each night, which allow him to know me better, and make me reflect on aspects of my/ our life.
I realise this may seem odd to the outside gaze.

My D has me check in with a set of specific questions each night, which allow him to know me better, and make me reflect on aspects of my/ our life

How is that bdsm?
I do that with my dh, and my mam used to do that with me when she was driving me home from school.

So can basically anything be bdsm as long as I call it that?

The relevant case in UK law is Sutton v Mischon de Reya and the attempt to enforce a BDSM contract was described as "an attempt to rectify an unlawful ideal" and the contract was unenforceable.

Just looked up that case. Batshit.

I agree that having BDSM practitioners who are experienced, safe and respected in the community, as expert witnesses would be a good idea.

It absolutely baffles me that the man with the bleach spray tried to claim it was BDSM. No-one in their right mind would consent to what he did. And if she wasn't in her right mind, she couldn't consent anyway.

@Furrytoebean you are being disingenuously naive. You know perfectly well the difference between BDSM and having a chat with your mother. It's not clever to mimic stupidity to indulge your need for an argument.

The difference, obviously is the consensual power exchange.
The questions are part of a larger framework in which we exchange authority for our mutual satisfaction. They are therefore somewhat ritualised, with greater meaning than the kind of check ins you’re describing.
They’re not ‘just’ questions, they’re questions which form part of my submission to my D.
As you’ve clocked, these things can be very mundane. It’s the context of the relationship and the rules/ obedience thereto, that are different.
You asked how bdsm can be no sexual, I’m trying to explain.

I agree Ereshkigal.

Although I wouldn’t use that kind of language.

But some practitioners believe a contract is legally enforceable. They are wrong. It can, however, be a good idea to write down lists and limits and such like to have a framework and boundaries in place. But any suggestion it is legally enforceable is completely wrong.

I'm not being disingenuous.

I'm trying to discover what bdsm is if it's not about sex, and what the definition of bdsm is.

A poster said bdsm is way more than sex and lots of people don't engage in sexual activities, so I asked what those activities were
I was told is was a 'power exchange', I asked how that would look.
They said it could be a conversation, I asked how you can tell that conversation is bdsm and not just a conversation.

From what I can tell so far anything can be bdsm as long as you have a conversation and put boundaries down before hand.

Also, anyone going to be at LAM this weekend? We could have a FWR Mumsnet kinky meet up

In my relationship, albeit I’m not into high protocol, we have “rules” of behaviour. In the house, when we are alone.

When we are doing anything sexual, I’m constantly checking in with him that he’s happy with what we are doing and whether he wants me to stop/carry on/slow down etc.

I massively get off on some of the outwardly non-sexual stuff.

My definition of power exchange is that at the end of the day, within our agreed limits and boundaries, is that my word is law. End of. 😁

Basically I’m the dominant one and he is submissive to me.

What Bankofenglandfiver said! Within sensible limits, he says, I do.

I haven’t been to LAM in years 😂😂😂 used to go with an old friend

Where is LAM? London?