‘More acceptance’ of S&M needed

[Imnobody4]

talkradio.co.uk/news/more-acceptance-needed-sm-activities-19032230392
My morning isn't starting well. Haven't heard the programme - not sure I could stand it.

Yes. (Assuming we all mean London Alternative Market?)

The law around BDSM fascinates me. The Wilson case in particular, and the difference between it and Brown.

(It’s ok to brand your initials on someone’s buttock if you’re married to them and you’re the husband and the female consents)

As a Domme there are many many elements of some of those who call themselves Doms that bother me. But I can’t save everyone. I can’t even help everyone. Some people don’t want to be helped. They want it, need it, crave it - and nothing I or anyone else will say will stop them looking for it. And unfortunately, predators take advantage. But those predators can be either within or without of BDSM.

I’ve never known anyone who exhibited what I’d categorise as worrying traits in terms of BDSM - either sub OR Dom - who didn’t have other mental health issues of some kind, and who wasn’t taken advantage of by people in normal life, even if not in BDSM terms.

What's London Alternative Market, or don't I want to know?

‘They want it, need it, crave it - and nothing I or anyone else will say will stop them looking for it.‘

The perpetrator can tell them no. They are making a choice to abuse someone.

There are always going to be abusers. They aren’t unique to BDSM.

Yes, and abusers are making a choice to abuse people, and are always the one who is fully responsible for the abuse, not the victim.

Your point is?

London Alternative Market - yep! It’s on this Sunday near Liverpool St.
It’s basically a kinky market, Ereshkigal, that turns into an after party at 7:30.

I have made my point. What further clarification were you requiring?

I’m not sure what response you expect to that? I thought I’d made my position clear.

You’ve asked what my point is. My expectation when I ask what clarification you need is that you either explain what clarification you need or that you don’t respond.

Look. I’ve never abused anyone. I totally condemn those who do.

I write on it. And I put the knowledge out there, as much as I can.

As I’ve asked, would you rather I didn’t? I can’t stop everyone, much as I’d like to.

I think the “community”, the people I associate with in it anyway, are being unfairly judged.

There’s a sub I used to know who was thrown out of every group I know of because she was considered so unstable and dangerous. I spent months and hours and hours and days of my time supporting her and trying to get her help In the end i had no choice. I reported her to social services. She lost her kids. So she moved to advertising other places. No limits sub available for your use. Anything. No limits. She’s dead. She died of risky behaviour not related to bdsm - drugs.

I know it’s not enough. But what more can I do?

I’m not asking you to do anything.

The person responsible is always the abuser.

It doesn’t matter if someone makes them self vulnerable to abuse. The abuser is still responsible.

But how do you stop someone putting up those type of ads?

You can’t.

Exactly.

I would consider drug taking and deliberate self harm to be linked.

Whether or not drug taking is also linked to a person becoming involved with sadists I don’t know.

LAM sounds bloody brilliant. I would definitely go if I was in London. Sadly I am way up North.

I think that most people on this thread are singing from the same hymn sheet. We all condemn abusers. We don't like BDSM porn or it becoming a fashion thing. We don't want women hurt who aren't consenting to it. We don't want men to hide behind BDSM.

This isn't the fault of BDSM. It is the fault of the abusers both within and outside of BDSM.

I don’t want people to have their ears or nipples cut off whether they consent to it or not.

LAM looks absolutely grim:

londonalternativemarket.com/lam-after-market-party/

That's four deaths directly or indirectly related to BDSM listed on this thread now.

Neither do I Endofdays. And I don’t know anyone in the community who would want that.

To be clear. The lady I know who died did NOT of any bdsm related activities she died of a drugs overdose.

It doesn't look grim. It looks like fun to me.

And also, it looks like the last place on earth I might meet someone who would behave inappropriately.

Horses for courses and all that, Erythronium

Established “official” events like LAM after party are the last place I’d expect there to be inappropriate behaviour.

If you don’t think it’s your thing, nobody’s making you go. 🤨

When I said "It's not all about what you like in bed", what I was getting at is that three or four posters are trying to invalidate everyone else's opinions by saying - this is my community, you don't know what it's like. This is just rubbish. Not one pro-BDSM poster has told me anything I didn't already know about the "community". You don't have special knowledge. Moreover, this is a discussion about whether more acceptance of BDSM is harmful for society. Sometimes you just have to accept that something you personally enjoy is doing harm to women and girls as a group.