‘More acceptance’ of S&M needed

[Imnobody4]

talkradio.co.uk/news/more-acceptance-needed-sm-activities-19032230392
My morning isn't starting well. Haven't heard the programme - not sure I could stand it.

Annnnnnnd here come the slippery jelly terms.

So why would breathplay need to mean instant arrest if it's no more than doing a blowback?

I was using breatholay as it was being used on this thread.

I have no issue with breath play by use if masks and rebreathing. I totally condemn choking.

I’ll ask again. Would you rather I didn’t?

Would I rather you didn't what?
Of course I'm happy for you to raise awareness about abuse, why wouldn't I be?

Saying not being able to set yourself free is not ‘real’ bdsm sounds like boundary pushing.

Much of what people are going to do sexually isn’t going to fit into a neat little definition of what is and is not authentic.

Too many nots in my post! Hopefully my intention is still clear.

If I want to do bondage with someone, I want to do it in such a way that they can’t get out. I make that very very clear to anyone I’m doing bondage with. If they don’t want that, I don’t do bondage. Or I don’t do anything because we aren’t compatible.

How is that pushing any boundaries?

There's a lot of no true Scot fallacy in this thread.

Abuse is multi-faceted really. You have the non consent stuff. People whose boundaries are pushed to a point they feel uncomfortable.

Doms having scenes with subs who are clearly vulnerable or mentally unwell. They make consent but are in no fit state too. Similarly if a Sub has been drinking or has taken drugs.....going near them would be abusive.

Going beyond any agreed boundary, not respecting safe words, not giving a sub means to say stop if she was gagged (I have used keys in my hand to drop).

Photographing or videoing either without a persons knowledge, without their consent, or when they are in no fit state to agree.

Not being listened to and properly heard, being criticised a lot, deprivation of food/use of toilet etc, involving third parties without consent. all are abusive.

Plus all the other abuse that happens in normal relationships.

No sub or Dom should be doing kink with either of them having taken drink or drugs.

If I engage in bondage, I am tied in a way that I cannot get out. Otherwise, what is the point. Having said that, I can be freed pretty much instantly with one word. That is where the trust comes in. You don't do this stuff in private with someone you have only just met.

Not sure what your personal arrangements have to do with my post.

If we tell society (and if we’re on the internet on a forum we’re talking to society) that only certain acts are ‘real’ bdsm and other acts are merely ‘playing’ at bdsm, that’s an issue of changing societal boundaries around what is to be expected.

No sub or Dom should be doing kink with either of them having taken drink or drugs

I agree.

They make consent but are in no fit state too.

Do you think that a Dom is always able to identify if someone is in a mentally fit state to consent to acts which most people would not? Do people always know each other well before engaging in this?

@ApocalypseInABit I think your account of what it is to you is beautiful.
Consent to me can't be given if someone does not have the capacity to do so. Someone who is not in their right mind, be it because of psychosis, alcohol/drugs, someone who has been coerced or blackmailed into giving consent or has given it through fear. Giving consent once it's not enough. It needs to be continually checked and re-evaluated where necessary. The general public cannot consent to the details of your kink and so I don't believe it should be practiced publicly.
I don't think you should be able to consent to anything that can obviously result in serious or permanent injury, harm or death.

I would assume the point of being in restraints you could get out of would be...
Symbolic
Aesthetic
Pleasurable feel of restraints, similar to being held close

There's a lot of no true Scot fallacy in this thread.

What does that mean? I keep reading it on this thread. Sounds a bit racist almost.

You don't do this stuff in private with someone you have only just met.

That’s answered one of my questions. So if someone was to do it with someone they just met, the Dom would be considered abusive? Or the sub considered stupid? If the Dom did something that the sub did in fact not like or enjoy... but their lack of relationship meant those boundaries were unclear... what happens?

I do Jessica. I don’t do one night pick up scenes, I only do kink within a relationship.

All of my kinky friends find out a lot about one another and have long conversations about likes/dislikes/boundaries. Many conversations.

I was astounded when I got into the kink scene how much it was talked about before you got your clothes off. Far far more than in non-kink sexual relationships.

You tie people up so they can't get out and engage in flogging, but you never engage in mock torture and slavery. You need to develop some self awareness.

End that is absolutely fine - that’s what it would mean for you, and you would find someone who shared that kink.

But it’s not bondage. Not as I understand it.

deprivation of food/use of toilet etc

Some people get off on that, who are you to say it's abuse?

Basically we have to decide if it's an act itself that should be illegal or the context.

I believe we need to make it clear that certain acts and behaviours are not acceptable no matter what the context.

We can't all decide ourselves what is and isn't illegal, living in a society doesn't work like that.

Women need these safeguards.

If you enjoy them don't prosecute the person doing them to you.

I don't think you should be able to consent to anything that can obviously result in serious or permanent injury, harm or death.

Would any of you accept that it is possible that it has the potential to cause long term mental health issues? It does come with risk.

Have you ever been flogged?

Have you ever had electrics?

What about me? Don’t I need to be safeguarded against?

The no true Scot thing always seems to happen in bdsm conversations.

I find it really interesting as to why that is. Why bdsm is particularly prone to people wanting to say that their experience is the authentic, real experience and other people’s isn’t.