‘More acceptance’ of S&M needed

[Imnobody4]

talkradio.co.uk/news/more-acceptance-needed-sm-activities-19032230392
My morning isn't starting well. Haven't heard the programme - not sure I could stand it.

It’s the nature of debate that people will have different opinions on what is meant.

I personally don't want a change in the law. I can see why some people do, but I am scared that it would be the start of a slippery slope.

From no assault to only transitory marks to.....what?

If the sub didnt agree to the act which caused transitory marks on that occasion, then she should be able to report for assault.

Laws need to protect the majority, not the niche. Yes, some stuff I do breaks the law. But then I take that risk. I would rather that, as someone whose sexual practice isn't mainstream, than many more people not get justice for their assault. If that makes any sense at all?

People who are assaulted unwillingly shouldn't be disadvantaged in law, simply because a few of us choose to do stuff willingly. Maybe that is a better way of putting it.

Oh, and I think consensual non-consent is terrifying, dangerous, and I will never condone it.

People who are assaulted unwillingly shouldn't be disadvantaged in law, simply because a few of us choose to do stuff willingly. Maybe that is a better way of putting it.

I agree with this ^

stop putting words into my mouth. It is abuse to continue to do that. Especially when you’ve been asked not to.

I would not lobby to go into schools. I don’t think anything should be done D/s wise until at least the age of 18 and I personally would prefer 20 or 21. But that’s not sustainable. The young have always experimented and I’m old. So what do I know.

You are putting words and opinions into my mouth that are in no way my view.

As do i

Consent should be an absolute and above all. Always.

If you think you are being abused on this thread, why are you still on it?

I find it concerning bringing the police into BDSM consent workshops because, knowing what a crass bunch of divvy fuckers they can be, I imagine this would negatively affect the way they would treat women who report assault afterwards. - in othe words - it would normalise it.

Breath play should mean instant arrest, in my opinion. Ditto needles. And fire.

But how can we debate it sensible when I’m having words put into my mouth? That’s not the right way to go about things. I’ve not been putting words into anyone else’s mouths and I find it offensive to have them put into mine.

I don’t know re the police. I have gone with a few - less than five - women to report assaults and the police have, without exception, been very sensitive and good in how they handled it.

I would like an ability to get law enforcement input to my workshops on consent and sense

That makes absolute sense and I agree totally.

Please report any abusive posts, MNHQ are only able to delete them if you report them.

But how can we debate it sensible when I’m having words put into my mouth?

I understand it seems frustrating, but it is like wrestling jelly because BDSM is not homogeneous and we are talking broadly about the practice and you are keeping it very firmly within your own thoughts and experiences.

You have strong opinions, but would those have a lot of support from within the BDSM scene?

Well I agree, by and large. Though I haven't ever had it affect work (probably because in psychiatry we are all weird anyway ).

Yes, they do have a lot of support in the “mainstream” BDSM.

(And I absolutely hate that term BDSM because it means so many different things. It’s inaccurate)

Most BDSM people who aren’t dipping in and out, who do this in every elation ship they have, don’t want abusers in their groups. We don’t want paedophiles (I reported one to the police, excluded him from groups on fetlife and got him blackballed, what more do you want me to do?). We don’t want predators abusing people. Of course we don’t. A lot of us don’t approve of porn type movies due to the issues around consent/trafficking/abuse.

There are people on the fringes who do these things, but there are people who don’t call themselves into BDSM who abuse as well. Who hit. Who push. Who mind fuck. Who are paedophiles. Predators.

*relationship

Sorry. Fat fingers.

and the police have, without exception, been very sensitive and good in how they handled it.

Well that’s not the case for a lot of women, far from it.

Well, it has been my experience.

I’m glad you’ve had that experience but surely you have seen and heard/read many women say the exact opposite? It’s not exactly news.

The impression I have is that most people who are into BDSM are into it in a fifty shades Anne Summers handcuffs and bondage tape kind of way.

It’s like most people who are into drinking just get pissed on a bit of gin or whatever. They’re not debating the finer points of a vineyard somewhere.

The more normalised it gets the more is expected of women sexually. There is already too much focus on body punishing sexual acts for women and very little on pleasure. BDSM should be seen as less normal than it currently is.

I must admit, I do feel like the abuse we get (not saying on here but in real life) if people DO find out what we are into, is a but tedious.

I could understand it if it was based in reality, but invariably it is based on a normal persons idea of what they think BDSM is. Not what it actually is.

Yes, there are some extreme weirdos around the edges, but they are not the mainstream in BDSM. It feels horrible to be associated with them, but as those are the ones who aren't the norm, they become "news" as it were.

That judgement against what I do, based upon what some extreme person at the edge does, can be upsetting.

Because for me, this is stuff that happens within loving, fulfilling, honest and wonderful relationships, with massive mutual respect and value. Having that described as perverted hurts a bit (no pun intended).

I absolutely hate that term BDSM because it means so many different things

Out of interest- how would you describe it?

By saying "Breath play should mean instant arrest, in my opinion. Ditto needles. And fire." I wonder how many people you would put outside of the tent. Do you think you would get a lot of push back if you campaigned for it?

ApocalypseInABit

Could you describe what BDSM is, as you see and experience it?