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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

‘More acceptance’ of S&M needed

999 replies

Imnobody4 · 25/03/2019 10:05

talkradio.co.uk/news/more-acceptance-needed-sm-activities-19032230392
My morning isn't starting well. Haven't heard the programme - not sure I could stand it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Imnobody4 · 01/04/2019 17:59

You seem to be expecting people to validate your lifestyle. You have all the human rights anyone else has. No one is trying to force you not to continue as you are. You are trying to link your sexual practices to lesbian and gay rights and by implication making demands for the normalisation of BDSM. Which is where my initial post started out, the normalisation of BDSM and the relaxation of current social boundaries and laws.

OP posts:
Bankofenglandfiver · 01/04/2019 18:00

I think if there was more acceptance of kink, it would be easier for victims of abuse - and yes, that’s what I call it, to come forward - there’s a fear around being outed that means that many victims don’t come forward.

I do my best, and I post regular rants and info posts on fetlife but at the end of the day, people want to do it. People like the silly wee midden - and yes, she was - who wanted a no limits Dom - she posted looking for that, and she will find it. I’m not naive enough to think I can stop everyone and every single incidence, but if it wa out in the open, it would even easier to police and get rid of the evil bastards who use it to trawl for victims.

But I’m still dominant. That’s in me. I can’t change it. And I’m definitely female. I practise as safely as it’s possible to do and I encourage others to do the same.

Its not Fifty Shades.

Bankofenglandfiver · 01/04/2019 18:01

I hate the use of the term bdsm.

What do you mean by BDSM? What are you including?

AssassinatedBeauty · 01/04/2019 18:08

What would "more acceptance of kink" and it being out in the open look like? What changes would you like to see, @Bankofenglandfiver?

agirlhasnonameX · 01/04/2019 18:10

Bankofenglandfiver on this thread BDSM is violent sex, rape and domestic abuse.

Bankofenglandfiver · 01/04/2019 18:14

I would like to see people not being harassed in the street. (Have been subjected to this)

I would like an ability to get law enforcement input to my workshops on consent and sense and be able to run them more openly. (Would require a law change - I’d like the law to sit roughly where it used to pre-Brown, with the allowance of hitting/spanking that causes marks of no more than a fleeting or transitory nature)

I would like an acceptance of dominant / submissive as a valid facet of sexuality.

Bankofenglandfiver · 01/04/2019 18:14

Thar isn’t BDSM as I know it agirl. Albeit I cannot stand the term BDSM.

WeRiseUp · 01/04/2019 18:15

I think the thread has drifted sideways really.

I don't think BDSM should be accepted, normalised, minimised, sanitised, whatever.

Normal people, or even people who are into it, are entitled to find the things that other people do to get off disgusting, weird, twisted, perverted, unhealthy, etc.

If people do get off on deviant stuff that is reviled by the mainstream they've no reason to be poor diddums about it. They are choosing to indulge that part of themselves and prioritise getting off over being respectable, or whatever else they stand to lose.

The fact that they are getting off on what a lot of people would see as abuse (domination, humiliation, pain, restriction, etc) is going to be eyed with suspicion.

Currently the worst kinds of cruely and abuse are bring carried out in the name of BDSM and that is a concern.

Abusers and narratives that enable abuse are the problem. None of the problems stem from feminists having visceral reactions of disgust, concerns, judgements, etc about sexual deviance. However it is a lot easier to tell off and blame women for being unsympathetic and frosty than to confront abusers or members of the judiciary that enable them.

JessicaWakefieldSVH · 01/04/2019 18:15

the normalisation of BDSM and the relaxation of current social boundaries and laws.

So you basically want the above ^

Bankofenglandfiver · 01/04/2019 18:16

I have confronted the abusers.

JessicaWakefieldSVH · 01/04/2019 18:17

Abusers and narratives that enable abuse are the problem. None of the problems stem from feminists having visceral reactions of disgust, concerns, judgements, etc about sexual deviance. However it is a lot easier to tell off and blame women for being unsympathetic and frosty than to confront abusers or members of the judiciary that enable them.

^ totally agree with this

agirlhasnonameX · 01/04/2019 18:21

I would like an ability to get law enforcement input to my workshops on consent and sense
To me this is a valid, sensible consideration on why someone would want BDSM to be accepted.

ApocalypseInABit · 01/04/2019 18:24

Bankofenglandfiver
I am sorry that I have said the BDSM community should be doing more. I took this idea (that they weren't) from people on this thread instead of actually looking for factual information on what the community is doing. As I'm not part of any social community anymore, I don't know what is or isn't being done. Although the focus was more on what practitioners should be doing to stand up to abusers out with the accepted community, but in the name of BDSM.

Same here exactly. Sorry.

AssassinatedBeauty · 01/04/2019 18:25

It doesn't require a law change to get law enforcement input into your workshops on consent. That's what you'd like, because you want the law to change to allow more severe acts to be legal than currently.

ApocalypseInABit · 01/04/2019 18:27

*agirlhasnonameX

I'm curious to know what a (certified) therapist would say if I told them I'm in a happy, fully consenting, loving D/s relationship that only enhances my life, in which I feel safe and open and that there is a mutual understanding of respect and honesty and that it is not the re-enactment of previous trauma*

I would tell you that you have found what works for you. And that is ok.

Bankofenglandfiver · 01/04/2019 18:27

And I would appreciate if posters would stop putting words into my mouth and telling me what I want. You don’t speak for me. I can do that myself. That’s a consent violation and a red flag in my workshops.

Bankofenglandfiver · 01/04/2019 18:28

I don’t want more severe acts than have always been legal to be legal. I want the law to rollback post Lock and back to the pre-spanner position.

Bankofenglandfiver · 01/04/2019 18:30

I made my position absolutely clear. It’s a quote from a case. Marks no more than of a fleeting or transitory nature.

Do not put words into my mouth. That’s a red flag in my workshops.

AssassinatedBeauty · 01/04/2019 18:33

Oh stop going on about your workshops. I'm inordinately glad that I'm not in one of them.

So you want a change in current law to make acts that are currently illegal, legal again.

JessicaWakefieldSVH · 01/04/2019 18:33

We’re not in your workshops Confused

Bankofenglandfiver · 01/04/2019 18:34

Read what I said.

Putting words into people’s mouths and telling them what they want is the tactic of an abuser.

Endofthedays · 01/04/2019 18:35

It isn’t a consent violation. How ridiculous.

AssassinatedBeauty · 01/04/2019 18:35

This is hard work...

Bankofenglandfiver · 01/04/2019 18:37

Putting words into people’s mouths and telling them “so you want xxx” when that’s not what they said, and you’re pushing the boundary of what they said further, absolutely is abusive. It’s a tactic used by abusers. Repeat what you said, push just a little further every time.

And it has been done to me on this thread.

AssassinatedBeauty · 01/04/2019 18:39

I was trying to summarize your position to check that I'd understood it correctly.