‘More acceptance’ of S&M needed

[Imnobody4]

talkradio.co.uk/news/more-acceptance-needed-sm-activities-19032230392
My morning isn't starting well. Haven't heard the programme - not sure I could stand it.

BDSM isn't compulsory

Say that to all the young women of a violent Internet pornsick generation.

..violent Internet pornsick generation...

Generation VIP

Ugh, this “choking during sex” tweet appeared on my Twitter feed yesterday and the replies (not to mention the NSFW gif) made me feel ill. Retweeted by a feminist account I follow incidentally - I don’t follow a Jamaican condom brand.

twitter.com/roughriderja/status/1110343244355944448?s=21

The comments are depressing. And surprise surprise, it’s the men choking the women. “When you’ve had a stressful day, take it out on your babe’s neck” is one choice reply.

I had no idea that was so mainstream. Pornsick indeed.

Also I think it is bullshit, this idea that abusers stand out more in BDSM circles than they do in normal life and dating. Its victim-blaming all the women who get abused.
From an outside perspective of course it is more difficult.
It's not my intent to victim blame. How many early dates have you been on where you spent three hours talking about what consent is? If you where having sex and suddenly froze and lost the ability to communicate with your partner to stop, how would he know this is what was happening?

Also I think it is bullshit, this idea that abusers stand out more in BDSM circles than they do in normal life and dating. Its victim-blaming all the women who get abused.

Yes to both. It is bullshit.

Yes I do condemn the eroticism of violence, and choking and beating.

You condemn the eroticisation of violence but not only the violence that you personally consider to be too violent. OK. And who's gate-keeping this 'community'? Who gets to decide which are the true Scotsmen?

And how do you feel about the eroticisation of humiliation, slavery and verbal abuse? I also think that it is immoral to enjoy acting out the role of slave owner or an abuser of any kind, even in the absence of explicit physical violence like hitting. Sexual sadists are dangerous people.

It's quite clear that most practitioners of the fetish are never going to agree that it is harmful for such practices to be considered socially acceptable, for the sole reason that they personally enjoy it. Feminists who take a class analysis approach will never agree that the sexualisation of submission and domination is not bad for women. Sadomasochism is only a more extreme version of the prevailing cultural norms in our society that already sexualise female submission and male domination. It doesn't subvert the patriarchy, it embraces it and ramps it up to 11.

BDSM isn't compulsory

No, just strongly pushed on young people and wider society and normalised to the extent that a huge number of girls and young women are now unaware that sex should not involve being dominated and humiliated.

“When you’ve had a stressful day, take it out on your babe’s neck”
This is another example of someone who does not practice SSC and who therefore should not be considered to be a BDSM Dominant.
Playing whilst under the influence of alcohol or drugs, whilst you are very tired, physically or emotionally weak, angry, stressed or even in a bad mood are strict no-no's for anyone who knows what they are doing.

The BDSM evangelists on this thread aren't remotely convincing me.

therefore should not be considered to be a BDSM Dominant.

Why? Who says? Who decreed this?

You condemn the eroticisation of violence but not only the violence that you personally consider to be too violent. OK. And who's gate-keeping this 'community'? Who gets to decide which are the true Scotsmen?

This.

It's quite clear that most practitioners of the fetish are never going to agree that it is harmful for such practices to be considered socially acceptable
The people involved in BDSM on this thread have agreed with this several times now.

Why? Who says? Who decreed this?
Anyone who understands what BDSM is.

You don't fall under SSC if you don't do the research

So? Do you think abusive men care? Do you think naive young women realise?

I had no idea that was so mainstream. Pornsick indeed.

Thanks for that link, bloody awful isn't it?

Not being a regular on the vipers-nest that is Twatter, could someone explain what it means when they say "this tweet is unavailable"?

Anyone who understands what BDSM is.

Oh yes, the precious robustly gatekept "community". Everyone on Fetlife should be set an exam, don't you think?

Apropos of nothing I love all your name changes Horse

So? Do you think abusive men care? Do you think naive young women realise?
Exactly my point. An abusive man won't care. So surely it's worth trying to help young naive women to understand that.

Can you explain why this practice s referred to as ‘play’? Not being goady I’m simply perplexed at the choice of word.
When I read play I think of children not adults engaging in kink. I find the use of the word play in this context distasteful, a kind of cleansing of fetish. I dont understand why it is being sugar coated, its far from fluffy and innocent.

for the sole reason that they personally enjoy it

You missed a bit.

This is the point. Your only argument is 'Well, I like it'. You don't want people to say that something you like is harmful to society and women as a class. But it is.

Trouble is that the mentally walk amongst us. Lock 'em I say, Lock 'em up.

BTW Spanner case relates to ABH and above.

Not being a regular on the vipers-nest that is Twatter, could someone explain what it means when they say "this tweet is unavailable"?

Usually it’s a glitch and you just need to refresh your browser. Sometimes it means the tweet is deleted.

Everyone on Fetlife should be set an exam, don't you think?

Depends, what's the pass mark ?

Exactly my point. An abusive man won't care. So surely it's worth trying to help young naive women to understand that.

Yes. But not by lulling them into a false sense of security about how safe they are in the BDSM "community".

Depends, what's the pass mark ?

Well that's for BDSM evangelists to thrash out (pardon pun)

I think we should be telling young women and young men alike that sex should be based on mutual pleasure and mutual respect and that domination, violence and humiliation have no place in a healthy sex life. They should be explicitly told that choking, hitting, calling your partner horrible names, spitting on your partner, barking orders at your partner etc are not acceptable and it is wrong to treat someone like that even if they ask you to. But obviously that would be kink-shaming, a cardinal sin in the 21st century.