Transgender child at DD’s school. Please help me write to the head?

[Comeymemo]

DD attends an independent co-Ed British international school. We are in a jurisdiction that provides for protection against sex discrimination, including in education. This country has no protection against discrimination on the basis of gender, and only recognises transgender persons when the person has undergone full reassignment surgery (including sterilisation). In other words, there is no right to self gender identification where we live.

The school is split in houses, all of which are either all boys or all girls. The school has a mix of boarders and non boarders.

We recently received a letter from the head, saying that a male pupil will be moving to a girl’s house after half term as the pupil is transgender. The letter states that the pupil will use the unisex accessible toilet including to undress (eg for sports). The letter does not state if the pupil is a boarder.

I want to write to the school outlining my concerns and would welcome any help.

The areas where I would like to get reassurance are:

• confirmation that the pupil will not be allowed to compete against girls or to be in girls’ teams for any sports
• confirmation that the pupil will not be allowed to play female parts in any dramatic productions (DD is into sports and drama and I don’t think it fair that female roles should be given to boys, as male parts are never available to girls)
• confirmation that the school will never allow the pupil to board in a girls’ house or to have access to girls’ boarding houses
• confirmation that girls will never be allowed or expected to share a bedroom with the pupil on any overnight trip
• confirmation that the school are not altering their records to reflect the pupil’s so-called self-ID, so that the pupil remains listed as male
• confirmation that the pupil is not taking the place of any girl on any awards or recognition list, such as for school prefect, scholarships or prizes that are only available to girls.
• would it be reasonable to request that DD is not in the same house as that pupil?

At this stage I don’t want to engage into a broader debate with the school over human rights, feminist theory or GC theory, so I’m trying to stay as down to earth as possible and seek clarification on practical areas.

Is there anything else you can think of that would be relevant in this context? Please feel free to direct me to other threads if this has been done before.

Many thanks 🙏

Is anybody saying that?

I was replying to this post:

I don't believe that the rights, opportunities, equality and mental wellbeing of the OP's DD are any more threatened by the presence of this young trans person than they are threatened by the sexism that the OP has swallowed from the school so far.

This person was implying that some of us had said the " presence of this young trans person" was a threat. But I don't know if anyone actually said that.

I don't know a lot about this kind of stuff but I'd say out of your list most aren't to do with safeguarding, they're about making life difficult for this child. ( Not allowing them to try out for certain parts in a play for example). Do you hear how cruel and mean you sound?

I don't know a lot about this kind of stuff but I'd say out of your list most aren't to do with safeguarding, they're about making life difficult for this child. ( Not allowing them to try out for certain parts in a play for example). Do you hear how cruel and mean you sound?

Exactly, glad I'm not the only one.

Yes, I am aware of the theory, it's not changed since the 1970s. But in this specific situation it's the exactly the wrong way to go about tackling those regressive sex-role stereotypes.

I don't understand what you're getting at here. I thought the idea of 'gender identity' was a more recent phenomenon. And what do you think is the 'wrong way'? Transgenderism? In which case I'd agree with you.

Although someone is bound to come on now and justify the shittiness with "but women aren't meant to be nice"
How about just being fucking human.

what do you think is the 'wrong way'?

The kind of rigidity and exclusion that the OP wanted the school to promote.

This person was implying that some of us had said the " presence of this young trans person" was a threat. But I don't know if anyone actually said that.

Someone on the very first page talked about "contagion".

the idea of 'gender identity' was a more recent phenomenon.

You'll find similar ideas, if not the words, in The Female Eunuch. Amazing how little things have moved on. I rarely bother with the feminism boards except for the nostalgia, they're like walking into a time warp.

My last post was an add on to my comment to stayathomer need to spit it all out in the same comment instead of thinking of something else as I press send

In a thread filled with WTF one thing that really caught my eye are the comments that it simply can't be true that boys/men who identify as girls/women are often heterosexual. Presumably because that would mean this issue isn't the simple black and white that would make life much easier.

That's the kind of thinking that severely undermines safeguarding.

Anaryllis with regard to the 'contagion' comment, this is, in context, about social contagion and Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria. TRAs might want to refuse this exists but schools can't be so cavalier with the children in their care.

YANBU to ask for clarification about the following:

- confirmation that girls will never be allowed or expected to share a bedroom with the pupil on any overnight trip

The rest is up to the school. Either you trust the school to handle this appropriately or you don't, and if you don't then why is your daughter there?

Omg OP, your post is so full of intolerance and fear. It makes me sad. You are talking about a child. I'm so sorry for her.

We have so far to go as a society before transgender people are accepted.

Either you trust the school to handle this appropriately or you don't, and if you don't then why is your daughter there?

I think that is a good question. The school seems to push rigid gender stereotypes in a way I've never come across yet it is only this which has caused the OP concern.

I mentioned ‘contagion’. It appears that ROGD amongst teenage girls happens in clusters. Suddenly it’s cool to be trans. Boarding schools we be very aware that anorexia can happen in clusters. A reasonable hypothesis is that both phenomena are linked to a girls response to her changing body. Teenage suicide can also happen in clusters.

It was in the context of asking about how the school would brief pupils. The school will need to present the change carefully so that other pupils accept but, ideally, don’t think being trans is aspirational. If they were using an affirmation approach as suggested by Mermaids etc, I as a parent would be worried. Not least the secrecy element, plus early medication. . Watch and wait would be far better.

I can’t see what is wrong about a parent wanting to know how a school would approach such a sensitive topic. Doesn’t a school in Brighton have a huge number of trans pupils? Effectively a epidemic. Parents can reject religious education. Why can’t they reject Mermaids type dangerous mumbo-jumbo.

"an epidemic of trans"
Just.... wow. Can you imagine replacing that with another discriminated against group? Eg "an epidemic of gays?"
"cool to be trans" - insinuating they're only doing it because it's a fad and their mates are.

Just... I agree with this poster @marfisa We have so far to go as a society before transgender people are accepted

Social Contagion

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-6426961/Fashionable-Brighton-school-40-children-not-identify-sex-birth.html

If 40 pupils contracted meningitis or TB it would be seen as an epidemic. Given this school receives guidance/training from Allsorts there is every chance that at least some will end up on lifetime medication.

With all these efforts being made to accommodate the childs current belief they are Trans won't it be much harder for them to admit if they realise they were mistaken and actually believe they are now and always were a boy.

What is the schools plan in that case, Letters of apology or telling him to keep schtum for the schools reputation?
I know it's a little off topic but I believed I was a lot of things for years in my teens then changed my mind

How come elsewhere on MN anyone linking to the Daily Fail puts a clicky warning saying "DM link!" and posters saying stuff like "not giving them the clicks" but on here it gets peddled out as ones who speak the truth?

I mentioned ‘contagion’. It appears that ROGD amongst teenage girls happens in clusters.

Which is, you know, a safeguarding issue.

There is such widespread ignorance about safeguarding frameworks and their purpose in this country. It's very worrying.

Just.... wow. Can you imagine replacing that with another discriminated against group? Eg "an epidemic of gays?"

No, I can imagine replacing it with "an epidemic of eating disorders" or "an epidemic of self-harming".

ivegonegreyfindingausername
I'm going to go forward identifying myself as a jelly belly asteroid will I still be allowed to go to the womens only swim? Because obviously I'm not an asteroid and if I identify like this it might automatically mean that I want to be in the female changing rooms and commit a crime that no one thought I was capable of when I identified as female..... But my choice is to be an asteroid not a criminal.

No but it might lead people to think you had mental problems, and not want to be in a confined space with you.

Because the same story was in other papers but behind paywalls.

"an epidemic of trans"
Just.... wow. Can you imagine replacing that with another discriminated against group? Eg "an epidemic of gays?"
"cool to be trans" - insinuating they're only doing it because it's a fad and their mates are

Erm..... Detransitioners exist, in growing numbers. Inconvenient but true.
When I was at school being a lesbian was cool, so lots of us convinced ourselves we were. Self harming(not the emotional distress sort) also had a bout of being 'cool'. I know because I saw it happen in my school.

It's not denying Trans is real to acknowledge some impressionable teens latch onto things.

And absolutely if there had been a suicide at DDs school, or a couple cases of anorexia, I would want to know what the school were saying to other pupils. Not least so I had some ideas of how to support at home.

No, I can imagine replacing it with "an epidemic of eating disorders" or "an epidemic of self-harming"

That's not comparable though, is it? The word gays is, as that's another minority group.
You're dismissing all trans people as a group in that one sentence alone because in your head, they're not trans, just suffering from a mental disorder.
That's the only way your comment begins to make sense as a comparison.
which is. Shows up that it's not just about safeguarding at all. Just being trans is enough to say no, not having it, you're not for some.

Can't link as on phone but in at least 4 other papers.