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Original poster

Transgender child at DD’s school. Please help me write to the head?

704 replies

Comeymemo · 05/02/2019 09:14

DD attends an independent co-Ed British international school. We are in a jurisdiction that provides for protection against sex discrimination, including in education. This country has no protection against discrimination on the basis of gender, and only recognises transgender persons when the person has undergone full reassignment surgery (including sterilisation). In other words, there is no right to self gender identification where we live.

The school is split in houses, all of which are either all boys or all girls. The school has a mix of boarders and non boarders.

We recently received a letter from the head, saying that a male pupil will be moving to a girl’s house after half term as the pupil is transgender. The letter states that the pupil will use the unisex accessible toilet including to undress (eg for sports). The letter does not state if the pupil is a boarder.

I want to write to the school outlining my concerns and would welcome any help.

The areas where I would like to get reassurance are:

  • confirmation that the pupil will not be allowed to compete against girls or to be in girls’ teams for any sports
  • confirmation that the pupil will not be allowed to play female parts in any dramatic productions (DD is into sports and drama and I don’t think it fair that female roles should be given to boys, as male parts are never available to girls)
  • confirmation that the school will never allow the pupil to board in a girls’ house or to have access to girls’ boarding houses
  • confirmation that girls will never be allowed or expected to share a bedroom with the pupil on any overnight trip
  • confirmation that the school are not altering their records to reflect the pupil’s so-called self-ID, so that the pupil remains listed as male
  • confirmation that the pupil is not taking the place of any girl on any awards or recognition list, such as for school prefect, scholarships or prizes that are only available to girls.
  • would it be reasonable to request that DD is not in the same house as that pupil?

At this stage I don’t want to engage into a broader debate with the school over human rights, feminist theory or GC theory, so I’m trying to stay as down to earth as possible and seek clarification on practical areas.

Is there anything else you can think of that would be relevant in this context? Please feel free to direct me to other threads if this has been done before.

Many thanks 🙏

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
GlitterStick · 05/02/2019 15:01

OK, you have now completely lost me, sorry.
This post?

where I replied to
I think any attempt to derail this thread by complaining it is picking on a single transgender child is wrong and foolishly ignores the OP's very valid safeguarding concerns

with
So MN HQ themselves are trying to derail by pointing out the obvious in their post? Sorry, but ho does that make sense?
Surely if they wanted to "derail it" they'd just delete the whole thread

I would not have a clue if hamster is trans, why would I? Even if I did, which I don't, how is that post out of order and in relation to being trans? Confused

GlitterStick · 05/02/2019 15:01

bold fail

RockyFlintstone · 05/02/2019 15:02

Because it seems it's fair game to discriminate against trans people, but against any other groups it quite rightly gets called out.

Once again for those at the back:

The 'discrimination' is not against transgender people, it is against males. Discrimination which is perfectly lawful and acceptable to people most of the time, except if that male decides that they feel like a woman. Then women are no longer allowed to feel anxiety or discomfort, they are just bigots.

GlitterStick · 05/02/2019 15:03

none so blind as those who won't see!

Ain't that the truth.

nauticant · 05/02/2019 15:03

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

otheractivities · 05/02/2019 15:05

Iconfirmation that the school are not altering their records to reflect the pupil’s so-called self-ID, so that the pupil remains listed as male

WHY WOULD THAT BE OF ANY CONCERN TO YOU?

  • confirmation that the pupil is not taking the place of any girl on any awards or recognition list, such as for school prefect, scholarships or prizes that are only available to girls.

You seem ok with the fact that the school treats boys and girls differently

  • would it be reasonable to request that DD is not in the same house as that pupil?

Are the houses not mised already?
A lot of people mention safe guarding issues , but do you honestly think a child ( or anyone for that matter ) would go through what must be a bloody nightmare , for an excuse to get up close and personal with girls?

otheractivities · 05/02/2019 15:05

before anyone reports me and points out any splling mistakes ... I have noticed them

GlitterStick · 05/02/2019 15:06

Once again for those at the back
The 'discrimination' is not against transgender people, it is against males

There you go, clear as day innit. You'll never be one of us, stay as a male and you'll be reet.
But apparently there's no discrimination on these boards.
K'ay then.

LangCleg · 05/02/2019 15:06

PlantsArePeopleToo

Because it's about adherence to a faith-based, fundamentalist ideology-come-religion, not about individual people. Heretics not allowed.

WunderBlah · 05/02/2019 15:06

Seems to me this is about female pupils being discriminated against.

PlantsArePeopleToo · 05/02/2019 15:06

Because you were implying they were ignorant and had no idea what they were talking about when in reality they very likely have much more experience than you or anyone else on this thread does.

Please feel free to keep telling trans people they're wrong though whilst pretending to defend them...

Original poster
Comeymemo · 05/02/2019 15:11

@llange

You have absolutely no idea of the hell it is to have a transgender child in your close or extended family until it happens. It's traumatic for everyone and your love and concern for that child overrides everything else.

Likewise, if you have seen what sexual abuse does to a child, your love and concern overrides everything else.

My top priority is the safeguarding of my daughter. I won’t apologise for that.

As I won’t apologise for not wanting sports spaces, drama, prizes that are reserved for girls, to go to a transgender pupil. In the same way as Philip Bunce should not be getting a Women’s award, as it makes it a mockery.

Still going through all the responses - again thank you all for your input.

Thank you also to the posters who have flagged up the MNteam comment about my OP. I will be watching with interest.

OP posts:
Needmoresleep · 05/02/2019 15:13

do you honestly think a child ( or anyone for that matter ) would go through what must be a bloody nightmare , for an excuse to get up close and personal with girls?

Yes I do. That is what the Self-ID debate is all about.

Juells · 05/02/2019 15:17

There you go, clear as day innit. You'll never be one of us

Males are not females, so it's impossible for them to be 'one of us' if the 'us' is a different sex.

happydappy2 · 05/02/2019 15:18

Coney I have a son at a mixed boarding school, with a transboy also boarding in the boys section of the house. I suggest in discussions with the school you focus on your child, as due to confidentiality they won’t divulge anything about another child. I was just assured that due safeguarding had been put in place.....but still am staggered that the school & family didn’t chose for their trans girl to be a day pupil.

WunderBlah · 05/02/2019 15:20

Self-ID debate:

give us your rights.

No.

be nice, give us your rights.

No.

you're being really really mean and hurting us by not obeying, give us your rights.

No.

people die because of you, give us your rights.

No.

do it or else.

No.

we are fucking warning you, give us your rights.

No.

you have to because we are right and you are wrong, give us your rights.

No.

the police will get you if you don't, give us your rights.

No.

if you don't we will get your children, give us your rights.

No.

ad infinitum.

Hamster00 · 05/02/2019 15:24

@Glitterstick There you go, clear as day innit. You'll never be one of us, stay as a male and you'll be reet.
But apparently there's no discrimination on these boards.
K'ay then.

No matter how much surgery I have, or what clothes/makeup I wear I will still have XY chromosomes. Scientific fact - I am STILL a man no matter how/what I feel. My tombstone could have whatever female name on it - but in 1,000 years time when some archaeologist digs me up and DNA tests me, science will say I was "male".

You cannot deny biology. Which bit of that is difficult to understand?

As for discrimination.. I've never experienced any on these boards. Far from it actually.

WunderBlah · 05/02/2019 15:27

ROUND OF APPLAUSE!

PlantsArePeopleToo · 05/02/2019 15:31

Ahh so I was right then.

Brilliantly said hamster!

BigGoat · 05/02/2019 15:32

...if you have seen what sexual abuse does to a child, your love and concern overrides everything else. My top priority is the safeguarding of my daughter. I won’t apologise for that

This! Brava!

limpbizkit · 05/02/2019 15:32

I'm not entirely comfortable with allowing children to make a decision to assign themselves to another gender. I go against the grain of 'modern' society and do believe boys shouldn't wear dresses etc etc. BUT I do believe if a person child or adult believes they're born the wrong sex it must cause great internal anguish (similarly to those that had to struggle to accept themselves as gay many decades ago) I do find the attitude particularly on the feminism threads quite Shock this twisted belief that some straight pervy bloke is pretending to want to be a woman just to sneak into woman's changing rooms to catch a glimpse of their bodies. Its ridiculously far fetched and a real insult to those people. But egotistical too. I went into a changing room to try on some bras. The woman in there assisting was quite obviously a lesbian. I had zero problem with this. I don't really get how that's terribly different to a man being in there when it comes to the potential to find women undressing attractive? But not everyone is a perv hey. Most male to female transitioners are attracted to men/boys. And vice versa. Do you really see this child as a threat to your child's safety?

GlitterStick · 05/02/2019 15:38

Iconfirmation that the school are not altering their records to reflect the pupil’s so-called self-ID, so that the pupil remains listed as male

WHY WOULD THAT BE OF ANY CONCERN TO YOU?

Exactly, @otheractivities, I don't see what that has to do with other parents - I mean, since when do schools allow random parents access to individual school pupil's records?
They don't. Quite rightly. Otherwise you'd get any old nosey neb looking up their mate's kid under the guise of "concern."

littlbrowndog · 05/02/2019 15:40

How can a person be obviously a lesbian ffs

RiverTam · 05/02/2019 15:43

it matters because data matters and records need to be kept accurate.

Needmoresleep · 05/02/2019 15:43

this twisted belief that some straight pervy bloke is pretending to want to be a woman just to sneak into woman's changing rooms to catch a glimpse of their bodies.

Karen White. Ian Huntley

Most male to female transitioners are attracted to men/boys.

Lily Madigan? The lesbian should accept transwomen debate and so on.

When it comes to safeguarding children and the vulnerable, the word "most" does not apply. Vulnerable people need to be safe.

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