Cosmopolitan - Bleeding after anal sex

[ItsAllGoingToBeFine]

""It's not unexpected that [anal sex] would cause bleeding." Does that mean you should never put anything up your butt hole? No! It just means you need to take some extra precautions, like, say, a little thing called a shit-ton of lube"

"It's not a sprint, it's a marathon back there. And you want to make to the finish line without any bleeding or discomfort."

FFS

www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/amp9230630/is-bleeding-after-anal-sex-normal/?__twitter_impression=true

I guess the silver lining to all of this, is that most print media is on its knees with their content available for free, via various online media platforms.

Cosmo and Vogue, are surely coming out with the shite (ehm) 'cause they are desperate to remain relevant/fresh.

Plus, frankly, the discussion here, is more informative, balanced and interesting than that presented in Cosmo.

So, again, the topic is that fact that most women and girls don't like and don't want anal sex, and yet many women and girls are doing it anyway, because it's being framed as something that comes standard in a het relationship. The article in Cosmo takes that a step further by arguing that "minor" injuries as a result are to be expected and no big deal. Framing injury as something women should expect as a result of sex is a pretty significant problem.

Does anybody know how anal is portrayed in magazines geared towards teen boys? Not something i have looked into given my kids are 6 & 7mths but it would be interesting to compare the attitudes.

Yeah. Harper’s biazzare was doing a whole series through the month about periods
The first person to be written about was a TW
FFS
Who never had a period in their life

"Let's talk about periods. First up, someone who's never had one!"

FFS

Yes kitten. Tearing and bleeding whilst having what should be best fun

How can that be even considered fine

"t it could have been shortened dramatically by saying 'no... bleeding isn't normal,"

BUT the whole point of the article is to say that bleeding IS normal

FYI if people are disucssing an article or link it's better to read it before commenting so that you know what people are talking about.

And again, if for whatever reason you do like that, have at it, nobody's stopping you. But have the empathy to acknowledge that most women don't and that they should be able to say so without eleventy billions rounds of "yeah well but I/some women like it!"

I am in my 50s, not a pearl clutcher by any means, but I am horrified that my 4 dds might be coerced into sex that might be harmful to them. As a pp said, why is it that stuff that is potentially harmful and degrading to women is in vogue, anal, choking, and hair pulling etc. The fact that some women enjoy this stuff is beside the point, that's their business and it doesn't mean it should be normalized, and now expected, for all women. I can only speak for myself and my peer group, my first sexual experience was with my first serious boyfriend who I later married. There was no pressure at all, and when it happened it was mutual and he did his best to ensure my pleasure too. Before that I had a few casual boyfriends, it never went past the kissing stage. I was never pressured or even asked for a bj or anything else, and the experience of my closest friends was similar. During our long marriage we have tried lots of stuff but I have never been coerced or pressured into anything. Wearing a condom wasn't an issue the way it seems to be now for men, it was expected and didn't seem to negatively affect the ability to maintain erections. I can only speak for myself and the people my age that I know well, which is obviously a small sample but sex was (and still is) for mutual pleasure, and not something our men do to us. I am not saying that all men of my generation are respectful of women and their boundaries, but younger men seem to have very unrealistic ideas of sex, and it must be at least partly because of what they see in porn. Porn in my day was just magazines and later videos and was nowhere near as graphic as it is now. It seems to be shaping the sexuality of a whole generation of men, and impacting negatively on women.

I have a friend whose boyfriend claimed not to be able to come while wearing a condom in his mid twenties and I remember thinking, wait, and you believe him? If it's true I'm guessing a combination of masturbation death grip and other porn related issues.

"If everyone based their entire sex lives on their early fumblings and just gave up if it was not comfortable then none of us would probably be having this discussion."

The fact that trying for anal is something that is expected in the first sexual experiences (or fumblings) is a real issue.

It's an "advanced" act and one that some used to get to after plenty of practice doing the other stuff.

Sex is (or should be) a journey of exploration.

However teen boys have always been very tick-box about it (try the things / tell their mates) and in my day it was just BJs and "doggy" he pressed for, now throttling, deep throat, slapping etc are all on the tabel as the boys have seen them.

Given that these are all much more challenging / painful for the girls and general experinence, I'd be surprised if things had changed and it was now the girls pressing for these things.

Meanwhile the boys lack the maturity, experience, empathy to do them well.In porn you ram it in. It hurts the girl but she does it anyway. That's what sex is. BMJ article supports this, it's a horrible read.

That anyone would be encouraging anal as a part of first teenage "fumblings" is totally WTF for me.

Or not ecourganing it but seeing it as totally standard.

It's not is it or boys would always have tried it. They didn't. they have learnt about it from porn.

But have the empathy to acknowledge that most women don't and that they should be able to say so without eleventy billions rounds of "yeah well but I/some women like it!"

Show me where I said women should be pressured into sex they don't want ?

That anyone would be encouraging anal as a part of first teenage "fumblings" is totally WTF for me.

But they aren't ! Fumblings obviously referred to their first attempts at anal, not their first ever sexual experience. Should such articles just be banned on your opinion ?

Given your input to a discussion about pressures on women is to say, well I have no experience of pressures because I'm gorgeous, but we must do something about those other poor women who perhaps don't have the looks to procure such grateful lovers, probably by banning such articles, im not surprised at your deliberate "misunderstanding".

Many problems women face could be solved if we just told girls and women to avoid men or be very very cautious about which ones you make yourself vulnerable to. That used to be the culture, but you think that advice is shit and no fun and so went off shagging around in your own words. Previous generations would have thought you mad, just the same way you look down your nose at the poor young women who despite decades of feminism can't say no anymore ? Consent is a much bigger topic today than it ever was in my day, and that's a good thing..it isnt all doom and gloom.

"Should such articles just be banned on your opinion ? "

LOL

& it's you who said

"Be interesting to know whether the gay male community is so anti bum sex and the reminding men they don't have to do it. I suspect it's not, bit admittedly I don't read any articles about gay male sex. If everyone based their entire sex lives on their early fumblings and just gave up if it was not comfortable then none of us would probably be having this discussion"

Quite clear I think.

Elon please expand on

Why articles that are about sex education (your words)
Do not need to / should not
Contain content around
Safer sex
Consent

Even when the demographic of the readership is on the young side.

The research by the BMJ shows that anal IS expcted of girls in their first sexual experiences

How do you feel about that

Your previous comment would say that if they dont' enjoy it / find it painful, they should not be put off.

Elon, why do you assume everyone is directing comments directly at you?

It's quite clear that what I was saying. Of course the first sexual act most couples attempt is PIV not anal. Being good at that doesn't meant your first attempts at anal would be satisfying,your advice is to give up, the article suggests ways to make it more comfortable. So what ?

"well I have no experience of pressures because I'm gorgeous"

You really got upset about that grateful comment didn't you!

Loads of women have said that in their day, lots of men were very pleased to be in bed with them and therefore didn't pressure - they wanted their partners to enjoy themselves.
Women are grateful as well when they are treated well by men.

You seem to have an issue with the word grateful,which is odd. What's wrong with gratitude? As a concept.

Also, I have mentioned that I experienced pressure at school, it was in my 20s when I had much better experiences.

ALSO you have not said no to putin therefore you want to fuck him.
Your rules.
Hoist by your own petard.

Your previous comment would say that if they dont' enjoy it / find it painful, they should not be put off.

No, like any sexual act they should of course only do it if they enjoy it or believe they might. You wouldn't advise someone who finds PIV sex to avoid it forevermore if there are steps they could take to make it pleasurable would you ?

The article details how your rectum can tear, it's hardly an advert for anal sex, it's basically saying that if you want to do this (assumed as your reading it) then make sure you go slowly and use plenty of lube. Fine advice and they even have two doctors explaining how your arsehole can be damaged by it, not sexy and further underlining that you ought to be careful.

Do you have link that proves that
Majority of boys today expect to be buggering their girlfriends as their first sexual experience ? I find that hard to believe, and I have kids myself.

Why is the image of two happy 20 somethings in bed on a ons or something, both having a marvellous time and nto being able to believe their luck, so utterly offensive to you?

The rank entitlement that is described and the girls enduring pain and not expecting to enjoy sex is hardly a better place to be.

This article says bleeding is normal. NORMAL! Nothing to worry about. No mention of consent. No mention of STDs which are higher risk with anal. Only mention of condoms is regarding making it easier.

I say irresponsible.
You say this is perfectly fine.

We can agree to disagree. As we disagree on Putin.

Meanwhile the boys lack the maturity, experience, empathy to do them well.In porn you ram it in. It hurts the girl but she does it anyway.

Exactly. There is nothing to it, no art to it, you just ram your dick up her arse hole and keep pumping away as hard as you can.

I remember watching some porn a while back ( i won't go into it, but it wasn't really for pleasure). The 'film' was called 'Slam It In Harder' and was basically just blokes going as hard as they can into every orifice of a woman, often at the same time.

I remember thinking, he can't be doing her up the arse there, because he was going so hard and fast with an enormous penis that I thought there is no way a woman would be able to take that. I was quite horrified when I realised that indeed, that was her anus. The women didn't appear to be getting anything out of it at all.

I'm sorry my post is so crass in its description, but this sort of thing is what our children have access to now, and what they think is 'normal sex' from the sounds of it

My DH and his friends (early to mid forties) seem quite naive about this whole thing. One of the female friends in our group is single and she was sending and receiving nude photos/dick pics to a guy she was dating. My DH and his mates (one guy in particular) just did not believe that this was a thing in 'normal' dating. And I know this guy well, he wasn't just saying it, he couldn't believe it. And I know that when it comes to 'porn' DH still nostaligcially talks about 'leaving a stack of rude magazines in the woods for the next person' etc and honestly still seems to think that 'mainstream' porn is just 'people having sex'. When I have got upset about the choking/anal thing (we have a young daughter) he tells me I'm being ridiculous and of course that's not the norm. I have to add here that my DH has always been very 'considerate' in bed and would never dream of hurting me in any way during sex or otherwise. I think sometimes he just thinks that because he is lovely like that, everyone is and that I go 'looking' for this stuff.

Women are grateful as well when they are treated well by men.

Are they ? I'm grateful my husband is with me because he sexy, not because he's nice to me..what kind of advice is that ? I don't expect him to be grateful because I agreed to have sex with him and he is nice to me. Honestly.

There are multiple references in this thread to a BMJ articel saying just that

Look it up yourself

You don't know the context to this topic or understand what you're talking about to be frank