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Original poster

Would you still cut your long hair short if your Husband/partner said NO!

115 replies

Londonhilary · 20/12/2018 15:17

I would just like some opinions from other Mners, I am married to a loving husband who is a great dad and I am really happy in our relationship. I have long highlighted sandy blonde hair which I now wear pulled back most of the time so its easy and out of the way, I have my colour done every 3 months ish and the ends trimmed. I am 29 and havn''t ever really changed my look but with 2 DD's and full time work I dont have much time. Last week my stylist who is my cousin and I have known all my life came round to do my hair and she suggested that for New Year why don't I do something radical with my hair as she feels I do nothing with it anymore. She feels as I am small and petite I should be brave and chop the lot off like Michelle Williams and bleach it white blonde.
Michelle
She says it will be a fresh new look and short pixie hair is quite in, think Katie Perry and she feels it would be funky sassy and vibrant rather than just tied back. I quite like the idea as I think I will suit it and a radical new look sounds fun rather than just carrying on the same, so I mentioned it to DH, I was rather taken aback, he was so against it, he was quite nasty and said amongst other things that he didn't want his wife to look like a middle aged mum, which that style is certainly not. I was so upset and to be fair he did apologise but he still said things that upset me but did not say that I should do what I feel is best with my hair.
The question is should I go ahead and cut my hair short or just forget it and stay as I am now......what do you suggest?

OP posts:
ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 20/12/2018 15:19

Meh. My (otherwise wonderful) DP thinks I look like a lesbian with short hair, and prefers it longer. I have it short.

Cherries101 · 20/12/2018 15:20

If your DH decided to shave his head, grow a beard, or get a facial piercing would you want to be consulted about it first? If not then go for it. If yes then consider his advice and think of a compromise. It’s as simple as that really.

BeyondVicious · 20/12/2018 15:20

Yes and I did. Stbxh told me he didn’t like it and said I looked like a lesbian, but I did it regardless.

It’s now long and I’m in a relationship with a woman. Just to warn you Wink

AssassinatedBeauty · 20/12/2018 15:21

Oh, I most certainly say to do what you want with your own hair. The phrase "I don't want my wife to..." is particularly grating.

Your husband is allowed to have feelings about what you look like, and to express them to you, but not to try and tell you what to do as a result.

EndoplasmicReticulum · 20/12/2018 15:22

Not up to him. Anyway, hair always grows back.

jessstan2 · 20/12/2018 15:23

Yes I would! Men have this thing about long hair but, honestly, when it is cut woman often look absolutely amazing. Their eyes and bone structure is seen clearly, they grow in confidence and everyone tells them how stunning they are. Hee hee, perhaps that's what men are afraid of.

Long hair is for girls. Real women emerge from a hair cut.

Beagadorsrock · 20/12/2018 15:24

It's happened several times to me (and not just my then partner, also my mother and sister ...). The short answer is yes, they will get used to it and you will be true to yourself. It's also great for gym going and avoiding children pulling on your hair

Melanippe · 20/12/2018 15:25

Is the hair on his head?

If yes, you may only cut it with his permission.
If no, then you may do with it as so please.

It's hair, it's not like you're getting a facial tattoo of another man's name, it will grow back if it doesn't suit you.

Badstyley · 20/12/2018 15:25

It’s your hair, do as you please with it. If he loves you then it won’t be a problem, because he loves the person you are, not the hairstyle.

EtVoilaBrexit · 20/12/2018 15:26

Your choice.
I’m sure he would hate you telling him what he can or can’t do with his body (beard for example).
And it’s just hair anyway. If really you don’t like, it will grow again.

legolimb · 20/12/2018 15:26

If my DH said no then I would be even more likely to go and get it cropped.

It's not his hair.

Skippingabeat · 20/12/2018 15:28

If my partner said "aww but I love your long hair please don't cut it", then I probably wouldn't. However, if he was nasty saying it, i would do what I want.

But, do YOU want your hair that short? I had a pixie cut a long time ago, and it wasn't low maintenance, I didn't look good if I didn't have make up on, which I rarely do, and I had to cut it every month or so and growing it out was a pain. (And when I look at my pictures I wonder what I was thinking)

I recently cut my waist long hair because like you it was always in a poney tail. But I did the new straight bob cut (like Dua Lipa) and it's cute, everyone says it suits me, and it's easy to maintain.

MrsTerryPratcett · 20/12/2018 15:28

Bear in mind your hairdresser will make significantly more money from a white blonde pixie cut. It will need a LOT of maintenance. So she has a horse in this race too.

FWIW, I did have a bob that DH quite liked and I grew it out because I wanted to. My hair is mine. I probably wouldn't do something he absolutely hated, although he wouldn't tell me what to do.

EtVoilaBrexit · 20/12/2018 15:28

Btw the idea that ‘men have anything about long hair’ has more to do with stereotype than anything else.
Go back to the 70s and it was normal for young girls to have short hair too if they wanted.
It was normal for women in the 90s to have their hair styled in lots of different way, not just long and straight (good forbid you have curly hair too).

You dint have to go with it.

Flooffloof · 20/12/2018 15:29

I'm with Lego, if my DH even looked like he would say no then I would have it cropped. Not that i would ask him. I would maybe tell him. But mines short anyway.

melissasummerfield · 20/12/2018 15:29

I wouldnt like it if my husband came home with a skinhead so i suppose he would have a right to say something if i was going to do something radical to my hair?

Having said that if i wanted to do it, i would anyway Grin

rememberatime · 20/12/2018 15:29

It sounds like it was the way he objected rather than the objection itself. I have very very short hair (shorter than Katy Perry), it is white blond (this takes some upkeep!) I am 45 and always told I look younger. People comment on my funky hair all the time and despite having it this way for 20 years, it always feels fresh and exciting. And, I'm not a lesbian or mumsy - in fact, men love my hair.

However... your husband is entitled to an opinion on how you look. It is a part of attraction. It is up to you if you think you should make choices based on his needs, your needs or come to a compromise.

It sounds like your current style is very typical of women in your age group. Long hair, blond highlights and petite frame are a "look" and your husband might have a bot of a trophy wife thing going on. A wife who is funky and a bit alternative or different looking will reflect on him in ways he doesn't like. That feels a bit worrisome to me.

SchnitzelVonKrumm · 20/12/2018 15:30

I'd never ask and DH knows better than to express an opinion beyond "your hair looks nice". It's your hair, not his. And hair grows.

dementedpixie · 20/12/2018 15:31

I cut mine short a few years ago too. It is higher maintenance than long hair and needs cutting more often. It was a giant pain in the arse to grow back out too. I have long hair again now

Wolfcub · 20/12/2018 15:32

Yes, would do, have done

Annasgirl · 20/12/2018 15:32

I read an article a couple of years ago by India Knight in the Sunday Times and she mused that women mostly had long hair now whether or not it suited them, all women regardless of their job or age and she wondered why - what had happened to all the cool girl styles. And she believed it was due to the influence of porn on society, that we are all being inculcated, even if we don’t watch it, to look like porn stars.

It got me thinking and I had long hair but I loved short hair - I cut it this summer and adore it. My DH might have said oh no if I told him before going to the hairdresser but I didn’t. Also, he didn’t ask could he get a beard!!! And he loves it, as does everyone else, so many compliments. And it is just wash and go - and always looks fab.

Jsmith99 · 20/12/2018 15:35

I would seriously consider his views, just as I would expect him to seriously consider my views if he wanted to alter his appearance in a way I dislike, eg getting a tattoo.

Annasgirl · 20/12/2018 15:37

@jsmith - there is no comparison, getting a tattoo changes you forever, hair can be regrown

Purpleartichoke · 20/12/2018 15:38

My husband has very strong feelings about my hair. It is surprising how strong they are, even as he admits that he can only make requests not demands. He wants me to keep it long so badly that he gladly agrees to ridiculous sums from our household budget being used for coloring and haircuts. He also covers parenting responsibilities to free up time for me to spend hours at the salon. I’m not even doing exactly what he would prefer with my hair, but since I stopped just keeping it tied back all the time he is thrilled.

Annasgirl · 20/12/2018 15:38

Oops sorry to jsmith. I meant @jsmith99

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