Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

Would you still cut your long hair short if your Husband/partner said NO!

115 replies

Londonhilary · 20/12/2018 15:17

I would just like some opinions from other Mners, I am married to a loving husband who is a great dad and I am really happy in our relationship. I have long highlighted sandy blonde hair which I now wear pulled back most of the time so its easy and out of the way, I have my colour done every 3 months ish and the ends trimmed. I am 29 and havn''t ever really changed my look but with 2 DD's and full time work I dont have much time. Last week my stylist who is my cousin and I have known all my life came round to do my hair and she suggested that for New Year why don't I do something radical with my hair as she feels I do nothing with it anymore. She feels as I am small and petite I should be brave and chop the lot off like Michelle Williams and bleach it white blonde.
Michelle
She says it will be a fresh new look and short pixie hair is quite in, think Katie Perry and she feels it would be funky sassy and vibrant rather than just tied back. I quite like the idea as I think I will suit it and a radical new look sounds fun rather than just carrying on the same, so I mentioned it to DH, I was rather taken aback, he was so against it, he was quite nasty and said amongst other things that he didn't want his wife to look like a middle aged mum, which that style is certainly not. I was so upset and to be fair he did apologise but he still said things that upset me but did not say that I should do what I feel is best with my hair.
The question is should I go ahead and cut my hair short or just forget it and stay as I am now......what do you suggest?

OP posts:

Ethel80 · 20/12/2018 15:38

I think I'd cut it even shorter and dye it tangerine. Who the hell does he think he is!

RagingWhoreBag · 20/12/2018 15:42

My DP prefers me with longer (Bob) length hair, as that was how it was when we met and he doesn’t ‘do’ change.

However, I regularly have unauthorised crops, change the colour (bright red, purple, black with blonde or blue streaks!) He generally makes some quip and then admits that it suits me, but he prefers it in a bob. Which of course I know, but it’s my hair, so fuck it.

The most male attention I ever got was when I had a very short crop in my 20s. Certainly didn’t hold me back.

I think there is a trope of the Middle Aged woman getting a short ‘funky’ crop as it’s easy with kids to look after. I think the reason men don’t like short hair is because it’s usually women who don’t give a shit what men like who get it cut! It’s like a big Fuck You to all their Barbie doll fantasies. although of course my Barbie was given an action man haircut

FWIW I’m hoping we might get married at some point in the next couple of years, so I’m leaving my hair to grow longer for now, as I know he’d like it if I look more traditional for that. If it becomes obvious that’s not happening I may well go for the chop again - will save that Michelle Williams photo

MrsTerryPratcett · 20/12/2018 15:42

My husband has very strong feelings about my hair. I do find this really strange.

Not a strange and upsetting as men who are really invested in their little girls have long hair. That one creeps me right out. DH loves that DD has chosen her haircut, coincidentally the shortest in her class (of the girls). Interestingly, now DD has had it for a couple of years, other little girls are showing up with shorter hair. Viva la revolución.

Bloomcounty · 20/12/2018 15:43

Do you actually want such a drastic change?

It sounds like it would be quite a shock to the system, and you don't sound like you've done anything that extreme with your hair before. What will the upkeep be like compared to what you have now? If it's bleached, you'll be colouring it every few weeks, plus a super short, pixie cut needs restyling every 6 weeks or so to look sharp. Are you prepared for the time and cost involved? Can you afford it?

I don't blame you for wanting a style that is easier to look after, but I'm not sure a bleached crop is going to deliver that.

Ohyesiam · 20/12/2018 15:44

“ To thine own self be true”
I’ve no idea who I’m quoting, but it’s a map to happiness.

Bloomcounty · 20/12/2018 15:45

oops. I've realised I've entirely missed the point of the OP.

Would I let my husband decide what I did with my hair?

No.

But I would ask his opinion and I would take it into consideration, then I'd go ahead and do what I wanted, irrespective. Sometimes it IS what he's suggested, sometimes it's exactly the opposite. And it doesn't make a blind bit of difference to him or me, nobody sulks and nobody gets nasty.

TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 20/12/2018 15:45

Mine is a long pixie. I told DH I was thinking about cutting it (had had bra-strap length hair before) and asked if he thought it would suit me, and he said (kindly) that he didn't think it would. But I thought it would so I got it cut - I loved it on day 1, hated it on days 3, 4 and 5, and then loved it after that. So DH got a lot of ear-bending about how awful it was for a while, which I could tell he secretly agreed with, and then we suddenly both got used to it. Having said that, when I went back for a trim he said don't get it too short!

Long story short: he said he didn't think it was a good idea, but I did it anyway because my opinion of my looks trumps his.

madmum5811 · 20/12/2018 15:47

With small children it is easier to tie back. Short hair is high maintenance. Go for it if you want but be prepared to grow it back when you get fed up with the upkeep.

Holidayshopping · 20/12/2018 15:54

I’ve never spend so much time ‘doing’ my hair as when it was short-it’s a bloody pain. Longer hair is so easy because it can be tied back, yet can be worn down when you want it. Short hair dyed white will cost a fortune in cuts and dye as well; I wonder if that’s why your hairdresser friend was so persuasive!

I totally get why your DH feels strongly about this-I would want to be consulted if he grew a beard or massively changed his hair. There’s no need for anyone to be horrible though.

Rufusthebewilderedreindeer · 20/12/2018 15:56

My dh hates my hair short

It's tough tits cos its much easier short

Everyone Remembers me and i get loads of compliments

Bluntness100 · 20/12/2018 15:56

Actually op I think you need to strongly think about that hair cut. It's very drastic and it will require a shit ton of upkeep. I'm very surprised a hair dresser who knows you, and knows you don't have the time /will to do your hair, woild suggest something so high maintenance.

You'll need to coloured every four weeks and probably trimmed at the same time and if you don't like it, growing it out will be a ball ache.

I'd really not focus on your husband or your cousin. I'd simply think if I wanted to go that high maintenance.

CarlGrimesMissingEye · 20/12/2018 15:57

I did. My B infinitely prefers long hair on me but it's currently cropped and likely to stay so. But he isn't an arse about it anymore than I'm an arse about the fact I'd like him to try a beard and he won't 😂

TheBubGrower · 20/12/2018 15:58

If you want to do it then go for it! I don't think there's anything wrong with your OH giving his honest opinion if you've asked for it, but the way he phrased it was rude and unnecessary IMO. Nobody can tell you what to do with your own hair. My OH has told me he likes my hair long, it's his honest opinion, and I do take it in to consideration because I want him to find me attractive, plus I'd look awful with short hair (I don't have the bone structure for it!). But I have it cut slightly shorter than what he'd probably prefer, because I like it this length. If he wanted to do a drastic style that I found unattractive I'd be honest with him (because I don't like the thought of secretly harbouring feelings about not finding it attractive, same as I'd want him to be honest if he was unattracted to something i did to myself) BUT i wouldn't tell him he can't do it.

MargueritaPink · 20/12/2018 16:01

It's your hair to do as you please. Personally I think the style in the photograph is absolutely horrible. It looks fine on someone who is made up with perfect make up but otherwise is just a bit boring. It will need far more maintenance than long hair.
I always regretted cutting my hair.

WhyDontYouComeOnOver · 20/12/2018 16:02

Long hair is for girls. Real women emerge from a hair cut

What the actual fuck?! 😂 😂 😂

deydododatdodontdeydo · 20/12/2018 16:02

I do what I like with my hair, but I had it short when we met and DH prefers it like that. I like it long so grow it long, but then get fed up with it anc cut it short. I never consult him.
But then if he came home with a skinhead I'd be horrified and would find him less attractive. I suppose I'd get used to it.

Micke · 20/12/2018 16:02

I would - my dp gets to offer an opinion, but it's my hair (clothes, face, whatever) so I have final choice.. but I have to agree with others here, that when I tried a crop I had to do my hair every day whereas at it's now unkempt long-length I can just pull it back into a pony/bun/whatever with much less effort...

Rufusthebewilderedreindeer · 20/12/2018 16:02

I dont dye my hair so have little experience of that

Its cut every four weeks though it could go up to six

But its dead eay to style, takes me less than 5 minutes from start to finish and still looks good in the rain and wind

Its very, very short when i get it cut, I probably prefer it weeks 2-4

Rufusthebewilderedreindeer · 20/12/2018 16:03

I do spike mine up thought

MargueritaPink · 20/12/2018 16:05

You'll need to coloured every four weeks and probably trimmed at the same time and if you don't like it, growing it out will be a ball ache

Agreed. I don't know where this idea comes from that long hair needs so much more maintenance than short hair. When my hair was long it needed nothing more than the occasional trim of the ends with kitchen shears.

WilburforceRaven · 20/12/2018 16:07

Bear in mind your hairdresser will make significantly more money from a white blonde pixie cut. It will need a LOT of maintenance. So she has a horse in this race too.

This. You take issue with your h telling you what to do with your hair but you're okay with your cousin doing the same? It'll take a lot more time than a trim and colour every few months. I tried it once in my 20s and grew it out because I got sick of having to go to the hairdresser every 4 weeks and blow the better part of £50, which was a lot of money back then.

deydododatdodontdeydo · 20/12/2018 16:10

My hair has very little maintenance whether long or short.
I wash it and brush it, that's it.

MargueritaPink · 20/12/2018 16:12

Long hair is for girls. Real women emerge from a hair cut

Codswallop.

Rufusthebewilderedreindeer · 20/12/2018 16:12

I dont own a hairbrush or comb

But my hairdresser comes to my house and is very cheap...so to be fair that probably makes a huge difference

RagingWhoreBag · 20/12/2018 16:13

Short hair is so much quicker to dry and straighten. So although it is more high maintenance than scraping a ponytail, it isn’t a huge faff to make it look styled. I’m always amazed at how quick it is to dry and style when I get it cut, even compared to a bob. I dread to think how long it takes to dry waist length hair!

OP it’s your hair - not your Husband’s and not your hairdresser/cousin’s. Of course take your H’s opinion into account but only as far as you would expect from him. We are all naturally inclined to like what we know, and not to want things to be different - sometimes it’s hard to imagine before you’ve seen it.

But once you’ve done it he will get used to it. And if either of you realises you prefer it long, it’s hair, it grows!

Flip

1 2 3 4 5