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Original poster

Would you still cut your long hair short if your Husband/partner said NO!

115 replies

Londonhilary · 20/12/2018 15:17

I would just like some opinions from other Mners, I am married to a loving husband who is a great dad and I am really happy in our relationship. I have long highlighted sandy blonde hair which I now wear pulled back most of the time so its easy and out of the way, I have my colour done every 3 months ish and the ends trimmed. I am 29 and havn''t ever really changed my look but with 2 DD's and full time work I dont have much time. Last week my stylist who is my cousin and I have known all my life came round to do my hair and she suggested that for New Year why don't I do something radical with my hair as she feels I do nothing with it anymore. She feels as I am small and petite I should be brave and chop the lot off like Michelle Williams and bleach it white blonde.
Michelle
She says it will be a fresh new look and short pixie hair is quite in, think Katie Perry and she feels it would be funky sassy and vibrant rather than just tied back. I quite like the idea as I think I will suit it and a radical new look sounds fun rather than just carrying on the same, so I mentioned it to DH, I was rather taken aback, he was so against it, he was quite nasty and said amongst other things that he didn't want his wife to look like a middle aged mum, which that style is certainly not. I was so upset and to be fair he did apologise but he still said things that upset me but did not say that I should do what I feel is best with my hair.
The question is should I go ahead and cut my hair short or just forget it and stay as I am now......what do you suggest?

OP posts:
WilburforceRaven · 20/12/2018 16:14

Long hair is for girls. Real women emerge from a hair cut

Says who? I'm 50 with long hair. Am an adult human female, therefore a real woman. My face doesn't suit short hair or bobs and I loathe going to hairdressers and think they are largely a massive rip off. I wash it in the shower, brush it out, occasionally pull it back in a clip, job done. The last thing I want to add to my life is the chore of hair maintenance.

placemats · 20/12/2018 16:15

So if your partner goes bald through either male pattern baldness or chemotherapy does this then mean a game changer in terms of a relationship continuing?

How shallow.

Cocolepew · 20/12/2018 16:16

Yes I would cut it .
I have had that exact style for a few years, (its dark now though) MW is my hair idol Grin
It looks even better when your dark roots comes through.

Bowlofbabelfish · 20/12/2018 16:19

I’ve had everything from a short pixie cut to arse length.

Currently arse length because it’s been left for a year and it grows like a weed.

Short is fun but it needs loads of maintenance from someone skilled. Every 4 weeks I needed a cut. That’s expensive and a hassle and in the end I grew it out MULLET HELL is all I have to say about that.

Anyway, there’s a lot of ‘she’ in your OP about what the hairdresser wants and a lot of ‘he’ about your husband. What do YOU want?

Justhadathought · 20/12/2018 16:49

I've always felt most myself with short hair. No maintenance or fuss, other than a four weekly dry cut. I've always found having short hair very liberating. I don't think long hair suits older women, either - unless they tie it back or wear it up. Having short hair can take years off your appearance.

I guess my husband would prefer long hair - most men do - but at the end of the day it is more important to be true to yourself. I think so, anyway. I couldn't live in such a compromised way - especially over something so essential as my physical appearance and clothing preferences. I guess I must compromise on other things.

You must do what is truest or most important for you. If you like your hair long then keep it that way.

RagingWhoreBag · 20/12/2018 16:53

So if your partner goes bald through either male pattern baldness or chemotherapy does this then mean a game changer in terms of a relationship continuing?. I said this to my DP last time he mentioned preferring my hair now to when it was short. I said “I don’t suppose you’ll have your lovely bouffey hair forever, hopefully I’ll still find you attractive when you’re old and bald” which spooked him a bit Grin

GallicosCats · 20/12/2018 16:57

I have always had my hair short. The few times in my life I have tried to grow it, it has been a right PITA to style, plaits fall out, ponytails drop and the whole straggly mess just drags my face down and looks rubbish. And it takes forever to wash. That's when it even gets past my shoulders. I don't do hair. Grin Short hair is much easier for me - just wash and go.

That said, you need a hairdresser who knows what they're doing. Pixie cuts are much harder than they look. A good cut looks stylish and shows off your features, but a bad one makes you look like a 70s schoolgirl at best (think Lady Di pre-marriage) and Benny from Crossroads at worst. So unless you know your friend is a magician with the scissors, I wouldn't trust her to do it.

2rebecca · 20/12/2018 16:59

The nastiness would concern me more than him preferring hair a certain way. I think given that sexual attraction is important in this sort of relationship I wouldn't discount my husband's opinions on my appearance, not that he expresses many. He knows that if he goes for a Movember I will be seriously unimpressed as I hate moustaches and I start to moan if his stubble gets too long as it's sore and unsexy.
Never being allowed to change your hair style sounds restrictive though.

AmoraObscura · 20/12/2018 17:07

One day you will look like a middle aged Mum. What happens then?

CottonTailRabbit · 20/12/2018 17:10

I actually did keep my hair long because DH asked very nicely when I told him I was considering a short cut.

As it was I was worried about the amount of styling it would need in order to look good given that I have fine straight hair, so when he sai he'd prefer not he was pushing against an open door really.

If he had been nasty about it then I would have had it short within a week and would have lived with the maintenance no matter what.

FWRLurker · 20/12/2018 17:10

My husband has said he prefers it long but certainly he would come around if I cut it. It's my body etc.

ChanklyBore · 20/12/2018 17:17

I don’t think you can claim your hair to be no maintenance or fuss other than a monthly haircut. A monthly haircut is a high maintenance head. I have been to the hairdresser four times in the past decade. It’s long. But because it’s long I can slice bits off it myself and it’s fine and it doesn’t matter. Other than shampoo there is no maintenance at all.

Squigglicious · 20/12/2018 17:18

Its your hair. Be aware what your husband is telling you about himself. You can always grow it back, but he will always be him.

SallyCinnamon3009 · 20/12/2018 17:18

Yes

placemats · 20/12/2018 17:28

One day you will look like a middle aged Mum. What happens then?

One day you will look like a middle aged Dad, what happens then?

Perhaps you will leave that middle aged Mum and get yourself a younger model? But only if you can afford two families.

Or

You will be bald, or needing operations to knees, hips or shoulders and therefore terribly insecure.

KataraJean · 20/12/2018 17:48

I would be worried about the fact that he phrased it as how he wanted or did not want his wife to look. That is the possessive - my wife.

I think commenting on whether he thinks it would suit you would be fine, people do that all the time, you can take it or leave it, just an opinion.

But the possessive ‘I don’t want my wife to look like...’ shows where he thinks the power lies. I think that is the upsetting part, not his opinion on the haircut which has received mixed views on here too.

enough1 · 20/12/2018 17:48

Did you point out that one day you will be a middle-aged Mum, and ask what's he going to do then ?

TheDogsMother · 20/12/2018 17:58

Shortly after we split up my ex H advised me that if I wanted to meet another man I'd have to grow my hair Hmm

Soon after I met DP and he loves my hair just as it is and is also of the opinion that it's my hair so my decision.

ScrimshawTheSecond · 20/12/2018 18:13

My partner wouldn't dare, I don't think. It's my hair, beyond saying a haircut is good or bad after the fact, he has no say in the matter of what I choose to do with it!

A partner/husband can have an opinion, of course, but if he's being nasty about it, there's more to it, imo. And more to do with him than you.

Notevenmyrealname · 20/12/2018 18:15

I’d take his opinion into consideration, but if I was dead set on it, I’d still do it. If it’s terrible, it’ll always grow back. That’s the good thing about hair 😉

Raven88 · 20/12/2018 18:17

If DH told me not to cut my hair I would still do it. It's my body so it's my choice. My DH would also know better.

BlindYeo · 20/12/2018 18:22

Yes I would still cut my hair if I wanted to and my DP said he wasn't keen, because it's my hair. But he wouldn't say that. I wouldn't be especially happy about your DH's response.

You sound like you're being talked into it by your cousin/stylist though. I think she just fancies doing a radical cut and colour on you because it's fun for her, plus she'll get the upkeep money as an extra.

Doobigetta · 20/12/2018 18:25

It isn’t your husband’s decision. But it also sounds as though you’re only considering cutting it to stop your cousin from thinking you’re boring- what do you want to do with it? Short, dramatically coloured hair is way harder to look after than long natural coloured.

And btw, could people piss off with their comments about little girls and porn stars? My hair reaches past my waist, and I’m still a fully paid up adult human female radical feminist. Dr Hardon called, he wants his crappy patronising stereotypes back.

HJWT · 20/12/2018 18:33

Speaking from experience I used to have hair down to my butt, my DB favourite style, but I had enough never did anything with it anymore and told him I was cutting it, he wasn't very happy but also understood it was pointless having long hair that I never wear down, so I cut it just below my shoulders and always have it down now with a big of a curl to make it a bit shorter....

I wouldn't allow him to shave his head so I think it depends how you look at it, if you would happily let your DH do what ever he wants to his face/hair then he should do the same.

What about a long bob?

HJWT · 20/12/2018 18:34

DH**