Feeling like I don’t want to use our local swimming pool

[Sunisshining3228]

Hello
I’m a lurker here. Just wanted to share something here.
I went swimming this morning at the pool in the area that we moved to not long ago. Haven’t swum for exercise for a while but used to love it when I was growing up and used to compete etc.
It was a unisex changing rooms. There were cubicles and lockers which meant a bit of privacy but the showers were two rows facing each other. Men were making good use of the showers, one older guy was giving himself a thorough soaping down but I didn’t notice any women lingering to use it. I felt pretty uncomfortable even pausing to rinse the chlorine off because it was not private. Not saying the men were out of order or anything but they were looking and I don’t want to feel looked at by a man when using a shower.
I had to go to work afterwards so needed to use the shower and wash my hair. I felt bad but told myself it was v early In the morning and I asked if I could use the disabled cubicle which has a shower. The pool attendant agreed but I felt bad for using it, I don’t have a disability.
I can kind of see why they designed the changing room this way as it would help mixed sex families and transgender people I guess, but it’s not great for women and adolescent girls. I used to train at a swimming club into my teens and was self conscious, I would have been really put off if our shower area was unisex. It has made me quite reluctant for my daughter to go in for swimming classes/clubs with a changing room like that as well to be honest.
Even drying my hair afterwards and putting on make up, opposite there was a guy drying his hair, probably innocuously looking around at the same time but it just made me want to hurry and get out of there.
I don’t know if I’ll complain cos we just moved here and this seems to be how it is here but I’ll probably re-think swimming again.
It feels like changing rooms have not been designed with women in mind unless we used the disabled cubicle.
Does that mean that being a woman who is uncomfortable about being looked at by men is a disability now?

How is it misogyny to call out someone using the disabled changing rooms when they shouldn't?

FFS. In your eyes it is OK for disabled people to demand their own spaces, but not women? I am sure had a disabled person come along OP wuld have changed double quick, and the disabled person would have been able to wait a minute or two. And would probably have understood why, especially if it were a female disabled person or someone who had close female friends and family.

Good for OP for making a fuss. Many other women will not, as women tend not to. But will stop going. Which in the world according to Weetabix seems fine. It is absolutely not fine.

Men displace women, able bodied people displace disabled people

Except that here the men were in the correct place (unisex changing room) whilst the woman was displacing disabled people.

What do the women and men do where there are only unisex provision? Both are equally entitled to use the space. And men weren't walking around naked.

All that can be done is to campaign for single sex changing rooms. But in the absence of them you can't really demand that certain people stop using them can you?

Speaking of which, this thread has prompted me to write to the leisure centre where I had my multiple swinging dicks experience and ask them to put up "no nudity" signs in the supposedly mixed changing room. I didn't realise that other changing rooms do this and it could help the situation for me, not necessarily for the Asian community in my area though unless they introduce more women's only swim hours.

Needmoresleep

And in your world disabled people are shut out which isn't fine either.

And no a person with a disability shouldn't have to wait for an able bodied person to vacate their changing room.

Are you ok with a woman having to wait for a man to leave the female changing room? No and nor should you have to be.

Disabled access is a right under the Equalities Act it's not just a nice little bonus for having a disability.

It is so obviously misogynistic to taint and shame a woman who is uncomfortable in mixed changing rooms and showers as irrationally insecure, hoping they don't pass this on to younger generations, because NAMALT and all... as Green did.

It is laughable we even need to discuss this.

It would be interesting to know just how many women and men remove themselves from participating in activities or outings due to mixed sex facilities where they have been hitherto used to single sex.

Speaking of which, this thread has prompted me to write to the leisure centre where I had my multiple swinging dicks experience and ask them to put up "no nudity" signs in the supposedly mixed changing room.

Excellent. Though it is somewhat pathetic that it takes 'no nudity' signs to make some men behave appropriately in mixed changing rooms.

What do women and men do where there is only unisex provision? Well, personally, I changed in the ladies toilets in the main reception and at other times wore my wet swimmers home. The OP used the disabled toilets which she shouldn't have, but that doesn't mean she needs to just get over sharing a changing room with men if that makes her feel uncomfortable or unsafe.

The point of the thread is that women are displaced by unisex provision of changing rooms and showers, unless they are completely open and pool facing etc etc. It doesn't mean they can displace disabled people, but men, especially naked ones, in closed unisex changing rooms do displace many women.

What do women and men do where there is only unisex provision?

I get changed in a cubicle and go home

I get changed in a cubicle and go home

Bully for you. Your leisure centre has cubicles. As I described above, mine does not, and I gave up using it because I felt uncomfortable. I also assume that pp gets in a car when she wears her wet cossie home. What does her teenage daughter do? Or local schools. (My local leisure centre has no parking anyway, so it is Boris bike or bus - neither great with a wet cossie.)

Single sex spaces are important.

Note OP says she feels uncomfortable. She is entitled to feel what she feels. She is also absolutely not unusual. I admire Greeneggs and Weetabix' body confidence, but I hope they can agree that theirs is unusual.

I get changed in a cubicle and go home

The implicit question was obviously what to do when there are no cubicles.

Where do they have unisex changing rooms with no cubicles?

Nowhere I'm guessing is the answer to that.

Are you saying that a swimming pool expects men and women to get changed, in the same room, without cubicles? Codswallop.

I admire Greeneggs and Weetabix' body confidence, but I hope they can agree that theirs is unusual.

Gosh yes I am very confident about my broken body, covered in scars from surgery, that needs splints to keep my joints in place. Who wouldn't be?

Are you saying that a swimming pool expects men and women to get changed, in the same room, without cubicles?

This is how it works where I usually go swimming. Personally, I do the towel dance. (The showers, which are segregated, are too wet and damp and too far removed from the storage boxes to be useful in that. Nobody uses them. Same for toilets.). But many of my friends simply prefer not to go there, and I do understand why.

But can you then not understand why young girls and older women also lack confidence.

The attendent probably left OP use the disabled facility because there was no obviusly disabled people in the pool. And OP would have made sure that if a disabled person showed up, she did not keep them waiting. The problem with focusing on identity is that it becomes a question of whose needs trup whose. Transwomen have more needs than young girls, perhaps. Acknowlegement of everyones needs/wants and some courtesty and common sense would take us to a dfferent place.

Saying that OP should not use an empty disabled provision, and that she has no right to feel uncomfortable showering with men she does not know, takes no one anywhere.

Weetabix multiple women on this thread, including me, have had this experience of no cubicle unisex changing in various pools and gyms around the country.

Judging by the fact that so many people's unisex changing rooms have "no nudity" signs, I would guess that many others have also had the same experience as me!!!

I agree, this is not about whether or not she should have used the disabled toilets (she shouldn't). The OP should not have been put into a position of not having anywhere to change in privacy or where she felt safe, that's what we need to focus on here.

The OP should not have been put into a position of not having anywhere to change in privacy or where she felt safe, that's what we need to focus on here.

Yes. (Though calling other women insecure and whatnot may be more fun).

Sorry. I do not believe that anywhere has unisex changing rooms, with no cubicles. Unisex showers maybe but not changing rooms. No one would use them.

Can anyone provide a name, or link, to anywhere that does have them?

And OP would have made sure that if a disabled person showed up, she did not keep them waiting.

How? Does she have a crystal ball to know who is waiting outside?

More likely a person with disabilities would have seen the room occupied and just waited.

Ruby commented upthread that hers in the Caledonian Road, Islington are like this.

It doesn’t matter how confident you are, how much you’re just fine with it.

Some women aren’t. Some women cant - for religious reasons or just because they cannot bear to be that vulnerable around men.

Where women are washing, or naked, or dressing, or using toilets they are vulnerable and they need privacy. Men (decent men) hate this set up too. They need privacy and dignity, although safety is less of an issue.

I was talking about this last night with Dh. I asked DH last night what he’d do if he was teleported into a ladies changing room. He looked appalled and said ‘shut my eyes, die of embarrassment and claw the door down to get the fuck out of there.’ He HATES the idea of mixed sex changing as a default. It’s great to have a mixed third space for families and there must be much better properly accessible provision (changing places is an excellent campaign and small charity to support for those of you who feel strongly about this.)

There needs to be female only provision, men only provision, properly accessible provision, and a mixed area for families.

We just landed a probe on Mars - Sorting out changing rooms safely cannot be beyond the wit of man.

Also note OP that the thread is now focused on attacking YOU for using the disabled (which yes, you shouldnt have.)

And thus no longer talking about women having to shower in front of men.

OP knows she shouldn’t have.

So. Back to the issue, which is women being forced to shower in front of men.

Ruby commented upthread that hers in the Caledonian Road, Islington are like this.

No they are unisex with cubicles. Not a big room where men and women have to get changed together.

You are all talking about places without cubicles but where are they?

So. Back to the issue, which is women being forced to shower in front of men.

Amen to that.