Feeling like I don’t want to use our local swimming pool

[Sunisshining3228]

Hello
I’m a lurker here. Just wanted to share something here.
I went swimming this morning at the pool in the area that we moved to not long ago. Haven’t swum for exercise for a while but used to love it when I was growing up and used to compete etc.
It was a unisex changing rooms. There were cubicles and lockers which meant a bit of privacy but the showers were two rows facing each other. Men were making good use of the showers, one older guy was giving himself a thorough soaping down but I didn’t notice any women lingering to use it. I felt pretty uncomfortable even pausing to rinse the chlorine off because it was not private. Not saying the men were out of order or anything but they were looking and I don’t want to feel looked at by a man when using a shower.
I had to go to work afterwards so needed to use the shower and wash my hair. I felt bad but told myself it was v early In the morning and I asked if I could use the disabled cubicle which has a shower. The pool attendant agreed but I felt bad for using it, I don’t have a disability.
I can kind of see why they designed the changing room this way as it would help mixed sex families and transgender people I guess, but it’s not great for women and adolescent girls. I used to train at a swimming club into my teens and was self conscious, I would have been really put off if our shower area was unisex. It has made me quite reluctant for my daughter to go in for swimming classes/clubs with a changing room like that as well to be honest.
Even drying my hair afterwards and putting on make up, opposite there was a guy drying his hair, probably innocuously looking around at the same time but it just made me want to hurry and get out of there.
I don’t know if I’ll complain cos we just moved here and this seems to be how it is here but I’ll probably re-think swimming again.
It feels like changing rooms have not been designed with women in mind unless we used the disabled cubicle.
Does that mean that being a woman who is uncomfortable about being looked at by men is a disability now?

I totally get what you mean.

We all do.

Said no one ever.

That is what is being said.

I don't like the unisex changing room so therefore I will use the accessible changing room, even though I am able bodied and might be depriving someone else of it.

And that attitude means that more people will do it and then people with disabilities will be squeezed out.

Why can't you see that?

I don't like the unisex changing room so therefore I will use the accessible changing room, even though I am able bodied and might be depriving someone else of it.

This is not what was said. But never mind.

deepwatersolo

It doesn't matter "what was said".

The accessible changing room is for people with a disability.

Does the OP have a disability? No

So she shoukd not have been in there.

That is all.

She’s saying she didn’t want to shower with men watching her

So it's ok to use the one facility in the pool (Perhaps in a 50-100 mile radius, given it was one equipped with a hoist) that a disabled person can use, just in case a man (who is fully involved in washing his own hair) looks at you.

We have a long way to go with both feminism and disabled rights if this is true.

It doesn't matter "what was said".

Yeah, I already understood that you don't care what was said as long as you can shame women for 'not getting over it'.

You absolutely should be shamed for using the disabled facilities in the circumstances described in the OP. There really is no excuse

You absolutely should be shamed... There really is no excuse

Said every misogynist ever.

Green why are you having a go at the OP about this? The issue is that the pool don't give a damn about women and girls' dignity, privacy and safety.

Green why are you having a go at the OP about this? The issue is that the pool don't give a damn about women and girls' dignity, privacy and safety.

Please, RiverTam, let us not kid ourselves. We know why.

Yeah, I already understood that you don't care what was said as long as you can shame women for 'not getting over it'.

A) never said anything of the sort
B) 2 wrongs don't make a right.

Changing rooms not suitable for OP - then how can that be addressed, for her and everyone else in that situation?

Should she use the accessible changing rokm - NO.

Protecting facilities for disabled people is not saying that women need to get over anything.

What you are saying is people with disabilities don't matter because their needs come behind women who want to change separately. That's ok is it?

Or explain how the situation works if a person with a disability turns up while OP is in there? Or has just got out of the pool and needs to get changed? How does that work? They jyst gave to sit there cold and wet while OP finishes showering and dressing because anything else isn't caring about women?

The issue is that the pool don't give a damn about women and girls' dignity, privacy and safety.

And there are clearly posters on here that don't give a damn about the dignity, privacy and safety of people with disabilities.

Does that have a name?

Oh boy, I cannot compensate for your inability of grasping the meaning of what you read.

Indeed. Rather startling isn’t it.

Or explain how the situation works if a person with a disability turns up while OP is in there? Or has just got out of the pool and needs to get changed? How does that work? They jyst gave to sit there cold and wet while OP finishes showering and dressing because anything else isn't caring about women?

It happened ONE time after OP asked the pool attendend asked for permission. OP has publicly repented and vowed never ever to do it again - albeit hinting that she has a history of suffering male violence or harrassment.

And all you guys, Weet and Green, do is drone on about how shameful OP behaved, and how insecure she is and how selfish and dead set on summarily taking over disability facilities she is...
Without ever addressing the exclusion women face due to this setup - which was the topic of this thread. Making it all about shaming the woman.

You guys are transparent as glass.

Those of you justifying this please explain what would happen if a person with a disability needed to use that changing room?

I doubt that the OP was able to shower, wash her hair and get dressed in 2 minutes so what happens?

Please, RiverTam, let us not kid ourselves. We know why.

Because I've had to change a child on a public toilet floor. (thankfully not currently) Because a friend struggles to find anywhere to go on holiday that has facilities to change her incontinent 12 year old and sort or swim nappies

Because I've had to dive into the man's toilet after my DS when the disabled facilities have been occupied (for whatever reason). I've had to deal with the glares in the females toilet too when that's been the only option.

We've had to go an ask the attendant for the disabled facilities key because the facility is now been kept locked because it wasn't being respected.

But I'm sure the reason why I think it's wrong to use a fully equipped accessible facility is definitely my misogyny and support of patriarchy.

Maybe we can have this discussion without it turning (too) personal and a host of deletions for personal attacks

I doubt that the OP was able to shower, wash her hair and get dressed in 2 minutes so what happens?

Dunno, what happens if OP has a nervous breakdown in the mixed changing room due to PTSD courtesy a previous history abuse by males? What happens if two disabled people need changing rooms at the same time? Questions over questions...

I haven't said how insecure she is.

The OP might well have used it once but the attitudes on here show that other people think that it's ok to do it so how many times is it happening?

Protecting the rights of people with disabilities isn't hating women.

My world as a disabled person has shrunk beyond all recognition and I am lucky, for the most part I can cope in able bodied facilities. But sometimes I can't. Sometimes my husband has to help me get dressed or I am unable to stand in the shower. But so what heh?

it would be better to keep the discussion to the topic at hand which is no separate women's changing or showering facilities in leisure centres. The fact that the OP utilised a facility that was not hers to utilise is not the point in hand, and it's really derailing to keep on about that.

Because I've had to dive into the man's toilet after my DS when the disabled facilities have been occupied (for whatever reason).

Maybe, because there was another disabled person who needed a toilet? It could happen.

deepwatersolo

Carry on with the justifying.

It is indefensible. Those facilities are there for a reason and the attitudes on here are disgusting and disabilist.

The OP might well have used it once but the attitudes on here show that other people think that it's ok to do it so how many times is it happening?

No, attitudes on here just show that people here understand that mixed changing rooms can severely limit women, particularly ones with a history of abuse, and have no appetite for shaming women for it.

I find it really sad that some people are so blinkered that you’re fighting amongst yourselves about inadequate provision across several different groups all of whom have valid needs.

Using the disabled facilities is not a satisfactory answer to the lack of female space at a pool. So I would have thought that adequate provision for ALL needs would be something that everyone could get behind. The alternative is people fighting about who has access to the insufficient resources which have been made available.

Please stop fighting with each other and focus on the real problem here, which is something you have IN COMMON and should be united over.

RiverTam

And that would have been a different conversation.

I think it does show the disregard that people have for those with a disability though. That their rights are "lesser than" or not as important as.

Clearly posters see a hierarchy and women obviously come above those with a disability.

We haven't really progressed very far have we?