AIBU to refuse to use 'preferred pronouns'?

[BonBonns]

If someone presents themselves as transgender and says they want to be known as 'she' do I have to do that?

Do I have no freedom of speech?

I do not believe people can change sex.

I do not believe that a man can become a woman. With pronoun use. With hormones. With dresses or lipstick. With surgery.

It is just NOT my personal belief.

Is it a hate crime to refer to someone born male as a man against their will?

Even if it is against mine?

Where would that end?

I am atheist. Do I have to say I believe in God to appease a Catholic? Am I forced to refer to a priest as 'Father' even though I don't follow that religion?

If someone is called David but wants to be called Dave am I to be investigated if I choose to continue using David?

Isn't this madness?

How can my own beliefs come 2nd to someone else's delusions?

It is biology. It is science. It is common sense.

A man cannot become a woman any more than I can become 23 again or an antelope.

Yanbu

It is utter madness to panda to someone’s delusions.

Nothing wrong with believing in facts and science.

you have every right to do that people have the right to be rude to other people all they want. you can also beleive all of the things you stated no one can take that away from you. if or when the world changes around you, you had the right to be unhappy and you have the right to tell people all you want. but when it as changed then maybe just maybe you might have to come to terms with that too.

A plausible reading of the Equality Act 2010 is that you would be harassing someone with the protected category of gender reassignment if you persistently used the "wrong" (i.e. correct for sex) pronouns, and so if you did this as an employee then that person could sue your employer.

(At least that's my understanding, not a lawyer!)

When you're talking to them, you would use their name or you/your. It strikes me as narcissistic that people can dictate what words are used when they are being talked about.

I'm assuming you are a woman, this being mumsnet. Would you expect someone to stop calling you 'he/him' if they thought you looked like a guy, once you have corrected them and told them you are in fact a woman? Or are you happy that they carry on with that?

But if they called me he/him they would be wrong. I have a vagina. My DNA is female.

If I called a trans woman He/him I would be being TRUTHFUL. And correct.

That's the difference.

Women get called some pretty disgusting things. He/him isn't that bad and being female they wouldn't know that it was them being discussed when they weren't present anyway.

Right. So you are planning to show them your vagina to settle that one?

I wouldn't need to I am quite obviously a woman, a mother. You don't birth babies with a penis.

And you can always tell a trans woman. Adams apple etc

but you might also be hurtful and rude depending on the social situation. so what your saying is you go round being hurtful and rude to people you don't know?

I think it would be petty and you would lose the moral high ground a bit. It depends who you are talking to though, if you are talking to a school friend about someone you grew up with who has since transitioned, it might be more natural to say the original sex, as that's how you knew them.

If you are talking to people who have only known the person post transition, it's a bit like gossiping. If the other people are all saying "she," and you refuse to, you aren't going to come across very nice. Use "they," if you can't bring yourself to say the preferred ones. I think that usually everyone knows the details, they know it's a trans person and you don't need to be pointing it out repeatedly. It doesn't mean they actually believe the person has changed sex, just that this is now good manners.

Btw, I don't support the controlling of other people's speech, just picking your battles.

So you have to look like a stereotypical woman to be allowed to be called she? Having the proverbial vagina/DNA is not enough?

My intention isn't to be rude to anyone but I also have my beliefs and principles and I will not refer to a man as a woman. I will not allow a man into women's spaces. I will not be made to feel uncomfortable in any way.

In all honesty i think this whole pronoun fad is getting ridiculous. People deciding they are 'genderless beings' and trying to get people to call them 'they' when it sounds utterly ridiculous

What about people who want to be Ze or Xe or God knows what else. Do we pander to that too?

Everyone is non binary. Everyone dresses, do stuff, that are different shades of masculine or feminine everyday, at different times.
Non binary is everyone and no one. It’s a non thing.

The vast majority of the time it is clear what another person’s sex is, however they dress of present themselves. So most MTF are known to be of the male sex by everyone around them and they are referred to as female purely for politeness. By the same token, initially someone may “misgender” a woman as male but once they chat or closely interact it’s clear they are of the female sex. No need to be flashing genitalia.

The point is that the trans ideology is now pushing into a realm where they want us all to lie and pretend we don’t know what their biological sex is and have it codified into law because it makes them feel better; forget the rest of us and how we feel and forget subjective reality! They even want to change their birth certificate so that they can erase the truth and create a lie that others have to accept.

You can't always tell the difference. Maybe you think you can because you can spot some of them. The ones that pass, you just think are the gender they present as and call them that presumably. If you wanted to be quite sure you weren't calling a biological male 'she' or vice versa I guess you would have to use gender neutral pronouns all the time.

I'm as GC as you, but I'm not sure being actively rude and using someone to make that point is reasonable. If they were a twat about I'd probably make the point by saying 'they' 

I'm a staunch atheist - I still call our village vicar Reverend X, despite not recognising the reason behind his title.

I mean you could. always use non binary pronouns or they and them therefore sticking to your belief while respecting somone else's

Could a parallel be drawn here with the Quakers, who reject the use of titles as part of their testimony of equality? Being compelled to use gender based (as opposed to sex based) pronouns could be akin to compelling quakers to use hierarchical/classist honorifics. A feminist "testimony of biology".

I am polite to people.

I tend to avoid high drama people, narcissists and bullies, so these problems don't tend to happen to me in my private life.

In public I simply avoid people who are dramatic, demanding and controlling, so I politely avoid.

I get on with my life.

As an employee, you do your job.

Would it be better all round if everyone was the same pronoun?

You're entitled to your opinion but if your opinion distispects someone else, keep it to yourself, unless you enjoy being rude?! Apply your above argument to some other situations; homosexuality, equal rights for poc, womens suffrage, then perhaps you may be able to understand the problem with your original point.
I know I'm probably going to get jumped on by a number of anti trans activists that seem to be on this site but I am past caring now.