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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

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Original poster

AIBU - Transgender family member

105 replies

SnartyFartBlast · 22/08/2018 20:35

I have a worry. My son is going to a swimming lesson and due to a scheduling issue the only person who can take him is a pre-op M2F famly member.
I’m worried about the changing room situation as I don’t want the other mum’s and their children to feel uncomfortable, and I also don’t want an incident with the family member to upset my son. He’s having trouble dealing with this as it is. I tried to move the swimming lessons but there are no other slots available. I asked the pool if there was an alternative changing room (say the disabled toilet) but they said the M2F should use the female changing room.
I feel so distressed. Is there anything I can do?

OP posts:

Katescurios · 22/08/2018 20:37

Cant he wear hia swim shorts under his trousers and just get undressed poolside if its a real issue, then whack a dressibg gown on him after wards and straight home in the car.

Original poster

SnartyFartBlast · 22/08/2018 20:42

Thanks Katescurios, that’s a good idea.

OP posts:

loubielou31 · 22/08/2018 20:42

How old is your ds? Mine usually just get dried and put a onesie and crocs on. They shower at home because the showers at the pool are rubbish. Would that work for you?

sociopathsunited · 22/08/2018 20:44

I'd cancel the lesson personally. Who is keeping your son safe in the male changing room if his chaperone is in the women's changing room? Will your son be safe on his own?

HotRocker · 22/08/2018 20:44

Well if your son is upset about this then just don’t send him. Personally I wouldn’t be part of a situation that puts a male bodied person in the female changing rooms, but that’s my opinion.
YANBU though, I would certainly feel uncomfortable about it.

RaininSummer · 22/08/2018 20:46

Why can't the family member take your son into the male changing rooms?

TimeLady · 22/08/2018 20:47

Surely it would be easier for the pre-op family member simply to wear jeans and a T-shirt ie. unisex clothing, and take you DS into the male changing room?

Or are his feelings more important than your son's? If so, I'd forego the swimming lesson on this occasion, personally.

Original poster

SnartyFartBlast · 22/08/2018 20:48

Sorry I honestly don’t mean to drip feed. He is 5, would totally freak out in his own in a changing room and cry.

OP posts:

Original poster

SnartyFartBlast · 22/08/2018 20:50

Hot Rocker, I think this is why I am so distressed. I don’t want to be part of it. I just need another solution.
M2F won’t use the male changing room.

OP posts:

ABitCrapper · 22/08/2018 20:51

Family member won't use the men's despite your son (male) being the one who is getting changed?!

sociopathsunited · 22/08/2018 20:51

Does your family member have to go in the pool? If not, they can just scoop him up on the way out of the pool, wrap him up cosy and warm and bring him home to shower.

TimeLady · 22/08/2018 20:53

M2F won’t use the male changing room.

Then I wouldn't put my child in that situation.

Original poster

SnartyFartBlast · 22/08/2018 20:55

Only children in the pool, so it’s just kids getting changed. I think I’ll get him to put on his swimming shorts before going and he can come back in his dressing gown.
Thanks so much, I was feeling really upset but much happier now.

OP posts:

sociopathsunited · 22/08/2018 20:57

Do the scoop into a nice fluffy robe or onesie and a carry to the car before a shower at home with Mum. No stress for anyone, and no potential for upset at the pool.

sexnotgender · 22/08/2018 20:58

I’d cancel until the scheduling isn’t an issue.

It’s unfair on the female participants to have a male in their changing room.

Optimusprimesmother · 22/08/2018 21:01

Just cancel it.

SingeBuggerCack · 22/08/2018 21:02

What sort of swimming pool doesn’t have some sort of gender neutral changing facility? What do parents of children with disabilities do when their charge is the opposite sex and too old to go in the same changing room as the parent?

EmeraldVillage · 22/08/2018 21:03

In your shoes I would do minimal changing at poolside and if that didn’t work cancel it.

AvoidingDM · 22/08/2018 21:03

Do the changing rooms have cubicles or just a communal space?

Original poster

SnartyFartBlast · 22/08/2018 21:03

I hadn’t realised how uncomfortable I was with the whole thing until now. I would never want to put any woman in the situation I was faced with. It worries me because the world is going in this direction and I suddenly had to think about the reality of it all.

OP posts:

Original poster

SnartyFartBlast · 22/08/2018 21:06

It’s an old leisure centre with very few facilities - they’re building a new one. It is all communal changing.

OP posts:

thebewilderness · 22/08/2018 21:06

Do not let them use your child as a human shield like this. Do not.

sexnotgender · 22/08/2018 21:06

I would never knowingly put another woman or child in that situation either. Thank you for taking the time to pause and consider others.

Eminybob · 22/08/2018 21:09

Is there not a family changing room?

SingeBuggerCack · 22/08/2018 21:14

I don’t really understand what you mean, OP. Is it a changing village with cubicals? Because if so you’d get men in there anyway, so I’m not really seeing the problem. If it’s all communal then how is there a female changing room?

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