AIBU - Transgender family member

[SnartyFartBlast]

I have a worry. My son is going to a swimming lesson and due to a scheduling issue the only person who can take him is a pre-op M2F famly member.
I’m worried about the changing room situation as I don’t want the other mum’s and their children to feel uncomfortable, and I also don’t want an incident with the family member to upset my son. He’s having trouble dealing with this as it is. I tried to move the swimming lessons but there are no other slots available. I asked the pool if there was an alternative changing room (say the disabled toilet) but they said the M2F should use the female changing room.
I feel so distressed. Is there anything I can do?

Sorry for not being clear - there is a male communal changing room and a female communal changing room. Each has its own attached shower cubicles.

Right, and as per my previous post what provision is made for mixed sex families? A father with a 10 year old daughter with autism for example who cannot get changed on her own?

Literally none.

When ai asked if there were any other options the member of staff said there weren’t any - I did question this and they said I could email the main email [email protected]
It is a leisure centre attached to a senior school and very badly organised tbh.

I took my toddler grandchild to a swimming lesson a couple of years ago and we had to get changed in a communal female changing room. I would have walked out if a male had been present, as, I suspect, would the other mothers.

Changing poolside seems the best idea. Can your relative be trusted not to try to use the women's changing rooms if you ask them not to? They might be just as offended by that suggestion as using the male facilities if it's a validation issue.

You sound really lovely op but you can't enable your family member to do this. They will be in the changing room for women only. I wouldn't be comfortable in that situation and many other women wouldn't either.

If it’s possible for your son to change poolside and just put a onsie on after his lesson then do that. If not then you don’t really have anyone who can take him. “I’ll take your 5 year old swimming but won’t supervise him in the changing room” is not a realistic offer of help.

Christ it's just a swimming lesson, he can miss one if you or whoever can't take him this week.

Why are these particular swimming lessons essential?
Surely other opportunities can be found, if not now, in the next few years?

How does the 5 the old feel about this? They could be excruciatingly embarrassed.

So a leisure centre attached to a school wants a male person with a penis to change in with women and girls, while the five year old boy with him has to change in the men’s ?!?! How is that right ? I would be calling the local paper frankly, but I see it is very difficult as it involves your tiny child and your relative. I can’t imagine any parent being ok with this. Five year old boy in with women ? Normal. Adult male? Not remotely normal.

This is the whole problem with self id. Women running around trying to make sure other women feel safe, or having to cancel lessons entirely, while a fully grown adult male gets validated because “feelings” . Grrrrrrrrrr

I think the idea is that the male relative would have to take the boy into the women's changing room. The male relative would not be getting changed themselves, just seeing to the child.

What happens when you take him op?

Oh I see, thank you, I didn’t grasp that. The little boy could go into the women’s, but the relative would be there too.
OP is there a mum of another child who you know ? I know I’d be happy to help a little child change and get into the pool.

If none of the adults are getting changed then what difference does the gender, or perceived gender, make to the situation? If your son normally changes in the ladies because he is with you then the situation here is similar. In an ideal world there would be a family room to use but there isn't. And to those posters saying that the family member is an 'adult male' they are not. That is the whole point. It is not black and white. I think the suggestiond around changing poolside are sensible.

I don't understand why the relative doesn't take the boy into the male changing room? It's the boy that's getting undressed not the relative.

So your relative, who isnt changing thinks he's entitled to be around half dressed women and girls. There's no justification for this and I wouldn't have this person around my child.

Entitlement is the big issue here storm2018

There could be other women/girls getting changed in there, either from before, during or after the lesson in question.

As In any situation, The child goes into the changing room that corresponds to the sex of the adult who is accompanying it. Therefore, they both go into the mens changing room.

Nothing else would be acceptable

I also think the leisure centre is legally wrong. This relative can and should be excluded from the womens changing rooms.

Did any one notice the email address OP shared?

Is this a wind up?

@ALRM

“If none of the adults are getting changed then what difference does the gender, or perceived gender, make to the situation? If your son normally changes in the ladies because he is with you then the situation here is similar. In an ideal world there would be a family room to use but there isn't. And to those posters saying that the family member is an 'adult male' they are not. That is the whole point. It is not black and white. I think the suggestiond around changing poolside are sensible.”

She is Male though. Male/Female refers to sex, man/woman refers to gender.

🙄