Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

Original poster

WtF can i do about this? Lecherous men harrasing my daighter, to the extent that she doesnt want to go out on her own!

152 replies

Moanslice · 20/08/2018 14:28

Any advice massively welcom. My dd has just turned 13. She is 6ft tall and looks 16/17. When she goes out she get cat called, propositioned, chatted up... maybe 8 times out of 10. So, she has stopped leaving the house

I persuaded her to take the dog out today. Within 10 minutes she had a man kerb crawling her from behind. She said was he saw her face he must have realised how young she is and drove off

She cant NOT ever leave the house on her own, but this is awful. She isnt the kind of girl that would tell them to fuck off. Or say anything

Royally pissed off

OP posts:
WomanInBoots · 20/08/2018 19:39

Could you get a go pro type camera... you can get micro ones... so she's recording but it isn't obvious. Then report everything to the police.

Poor girl. I think we've all been there and it's horrible. Being old and fat now has its advantages. Sad

NothingOnTellyAgain · 20/08/2018 19:41

Pam Ayes yes would be great to bring back the women's self defence type stuff that was all over the place I believe in the late 70s and 80s.

NothingOnTellyAgain · 20/08/2018 19:42

I mean with the role play and stuff that you said.

I think that using your body and doing some moves, even if in real life the answer is to run away, is still quite good for confidence TBH.

thebewilderness · 20/08/2018 19:43

As said by a pp, ask her if she would like a sign that says I am a child you are a creep, that she can flash at them. A paper plate and a tongue depressor makes a quick sign. See if she might be willing to try it once or twice without even looking at them, just flashing the sign.

thebewilderness · 20/08/2018 19:44

Talk to her about Holla Back.
Creeps have learned to run away when women point the phone at them.

MyShinyWhiteTeeth · 20/08/2018 21:44

My daughter is a very young acting preteen. She has started attracting the wrong type of attention. The comments such as 'being a stunner in a few years time' from middle aged men are unwelcome.

Younger men and teenage boys seem to recognise she's a child and treat her as such so I'm uncertain why middle aged men feel the need to interact with her.

NothingOnTellyAgain · 20/08/2018 21:46

Because they're creepy fuckers is why

Onthebrink87 · 20/08/2018 23:16

Ugh yes! I remember being 18 and a bloke in his 50's said if she where mine is still be bathing her! Who the fuck says that?! It got a right laugh from his mates too!

I have 3 ds's myself aged 5,9,10 And I put so much effort into helping them grow into respectful young men and I only hope and dream that this type of shit is a distant memory in the next generation, but judging by some of the fathers of other boys their age I'm not as optimistic as id like to be

Viewoffriday · 20/08/2018 23:38

Jesus, this is so depressing. I am in my mid 40s and this was my life at 13 too. Why is this going on now?

I was one of the "fuck off", pretending to throw bricks at cars that slowed down girls, etc. I once went after a gang of older boys who sexually assaulted me, screaming my head off that they should come back and I would fucking kill them. It worked to a degree, in that they ran away from me, and it made me feel much much better about what had happened.

I discussed it with other lairy girls at school and we swapped tips and stories. That helped. I also read a book about how women had successfully fought back against male attackers, verbally or physically. I don't know if anything like that exists now. (I read loads of feminist press books thanks to living in a loony left London council and living in the library!)

But really, this shit needs exposing. There needs to be Everyday Paedo twitter feed, for girls to let everyone else know what a fucked up society it is.

bd67th · 20/08/2018 23:47

I was taught to walk on the right-hand side of the road, so that I was facing the oncoming traffic and any kerbcrawlers would have to drive on the wrong side of the road. It meant being at risk of being run over whilst crossing the road more often, but hey, who cares about girls being hit by cars as long as men don't have to be blamed for being paedo perverts?

I wish we'd had jacket cameras/go pros when I was a kid, I'd have put the videos on YouTube as a "[my town]'s perverts" channel.

Attack alarms just sound like car alarms, and when does anyone investigate a car alarm?

OP, show your daughter this thread. Dozens of women have testified to their own experiences, she is not alone and there is nothing wrong with her, it is the men who are the problem. A girl's first realisation that she is sexual prey is appalling and very hard to cope with. I still don't cope with it and I'm nearly 40.

Timefortea99 · 20/08/2018 23:54

I think every woman has had experiences like this. Depressing that it just goes on and on. These men, presumably they have mothers, sisters, daughters, wives, partners. Do they keep “their” women in a compartment in their mind as being different, and view other females as bits of meat. Or are all females including children fair game, objects for their amusement of deviant pleasure.

Although I understand the suggestion for her to wear baggy clothes, why should she cover herself up to try and stop men speaking inappropriately to her. She is not the problem.

I would definitely get her to take down their number plates, keep a log with time and date, and then visit the local police.

And yes, get her involved in feminism.

I am so glad I am middle aged now. I am practically invisible these days. Lots of middle aged women hate that. I love it. No longer have to deal with this shit. And the need to put men on pedestals has long gone. Now, with a few notable exceptions, I find them repulsive. Some of the younger ones seem more respectful, or perhaps that is my wishful thinking.

Viewoffriday · 21/08/2018 00:06

Re baggy clothes: I looked like a sack of potatoes, one of my friends told me when I was 16. Tie-dyed potatoes, but anyway, it made no odds. They still followed me in their cars, made weird noises at me and flashed from their fucking houses.

Shoeshelpplease · 21/08/2018 00:06

I would definitely recommend a self defence course. I have a son and he goes to karate three times a week. It gives them protection as well as discipline. He's not street wise so it's a back up plan for us.

MyRelationshipIsWeird · 21/08/2018 00:33

If youre looking for self defence try Krav Maga - it’s proper self defence, not all about the series of moves and the uniforms, but genuinely about feeling confident in your body. You get up close jumping on each other’s backs, arms round throats etc so it’s much more hands on than many of the traditional martial arts like karate etc for kids. My class is a mix of kids, women and men, but they also run specific kids and women’s classes sometimes too.

Polynerd · 21/08/2018 00:56

Really like the idea of hidden camera and then keep reporting every. single. thing.

ALittleBitofVitriol · 21/08/2018 01:08

I hear you op. This shit happening to my 12 year old daughter (now 13) is what radicalised me. It was aggressive leering in the supermarket that took my 6ft 3 husband stepping in to stop.
I don't have any answers. Just white hot rage.

thebewilderness · 21/08/2018 01:23

It is a public display of male dominance at your daughter's expense.
Baggy clothes only changes the things the predators scream at us.

MakeItStopNeville · 21/08/2018 01:45

I’d encourage her to play a sport where she can capitalize on her height. Netball, volleyball or basketball. Being really good at something is great for a girl’s confidence, as is being part of a team.

My DD has had leery looks since she was about 11/12 as she’s tall and has boobs. Her sport has been an absolute blessing in encouraging her to believe in herself. She’s now mid teens and can more than handle herself, to the point my inner 15/16 year old me is in awe.

moredoll · 21/08/2018 01:46

It's about power so what she's wearing won't matter.
Self defence course to big up her self confidence.
Go with her, or take her to meet the friends she's going out with.. She's only 13 - there's no need to go out on her own.
Most men are not like this - it's important to remember that.

thebewilderness · 21/08/2018 02:02

Why is it important to remember that men are not all like that?
10th rule of misogyny: The worst thing about male violence is that it makes men look bad.

moredoll · 21/08/2018 02:06

Because you get a skewed world view if you think all men are misogynists.

BitOfFun · 21/08/2018 02:11

Enough of them are to make life unpleasant, and it's completely unreasonable to expect a 13 year old to endure it.

Men, sort your shit out.

moredoll · 21/08/2018 02:16

Enough of them are to make life unpleasant, and it's completely unreasonable to expect a 13 year old to endure it.

Men, sort your shit out.

Eh? The girl's living on planet Earth where misogyny's been a fact of life for millennia. She needs help to cope with it.

Pythagonal · 21/08/2018 02:18

Because you get a skewed world view if you think all men are misogynists.

No, we haven't, and no, we don't. 🙄🙄🙄

thebewilderness · 21/08/2018 02:19

We are more concerned about the safety of the child and her ability to walk down the street without being sexually harassed than we are about these men giving all men a bad rap, moredoll.