Daughter with ROGD - issues with school

[Hoggirl765]

My daughter presents with ROGD. Her school is going forward with affirming this by way of calling her by her boys name and male pronouns. That's all so far. This despite our repeated requests to step back and watch and wait - to go at our pace as a family (basically back off). She has had a lot of emotional upheaval in her short life and has always found it hard to fit in. We have found a wonderful counsellor and that's all we're prepared to do at present. She is just 14 and at present is very enthusiastic and keyed into her school work and in general seems happy. No self harm etc. The school have caused us as a family so much unnecessary stress and then said that's it you'll have to wait til September now. If it wasn't for the excellent teaching we would be moving her. Has anyone else has experiences with unsupportive, insensitive or unsympathetic schools?

Hugs truthwill

Just ignore that snappity. Some sort of agenda goin* on there

We should be listening to what our children want to do and make our decisions based off that.

Would you say that about a skinny child with anorexia who was refusing to eat?

Did you explain to your child that it's not possible to change sex, Thatjourno?

You talk about abuse, but the only abuse I can see is coming from the people who tell children that they can change sex, and that certain behaviours and clothes are for one sex only. The school is being abusive, not the OP.

Truth I wasn’t referring to you. You obviously have direct experience of what this parent is going through and actively want to help, rather than using her life as a means of pushing your own agenda.

I wonder how MNHQ would handle a thread from a mother of an anorexic teen, if there was an influx of pro-ana posters?
Surely they would have a duty of care from rogue and dangerous advice?

It's worrying that trans issues are being led by TRAs and we are told that official medical "wait and see" advice is transphobic. Why is anyone going along with this?

A pro-ana poster giving advice to a worried parent on MN would have their posts deleted. If they persisted in an aggressive manner they would be banned.
Seems that TRAs can post what they want even though it's highly concerning.

And to cap it all, who is it intervening in the self diagnosis of gender dysphoria of our children? Not a psychiatrist, not a child psychologist, not the GIDS at the Tavistock. No - it's a school whose depth of understanding reaches to an afternoons training from a campaign group. Well meaning perhaps but reckless.

It's worse than that, we're having the advice quoted and then being told it means something other than what it means. This is not the first time that's happened.

truthwillwin

You are coming over fine, im not sure where the hysterical comes in

You sound passionate and i, for one, and reading every word

And just ignore the poster who shouldnt be named, they never answer any questions and its not worth your time

"Hysterical" is such a nasty sexist term, it would be great if people could refrain from using it in a feminist space.

I do ignore some posters posts on here...as they are drivel...but not yours

We should be listening to what our children want to do and make our decisions based off that.

If it’s a choice over karate vs a trip to the rock climbing wall every week then yes, that’s the sort of thing they should have input and control over.

If it’s wanting chocolate for breakfast as my toddler requests every single morning it’s no. Because I have a duty of care to him.

If it’s a massive something that will have a physical, mental and in future sexual and reproductive impact on them, then they’re too young to make that call. I would listen, and I would explore, but I would not blindly affirm.

"Ignore commenter" function - if people who do consistently goad and post misinformation are to be allowed to continue to post it would be great if HQ could provide us with an option more efficient than having to scroll past their latest wall of rhetoric.

hoggirl

I hope you havnt been 'frightened off' and that the summer goes well

There was a stage when I wanted either leftover pizza or chicken nuggets for breakfast every day. Was my mother being cruel and failing to affirm me by rolling her eyes and offering me cereal and fruit instead?

It's worrying that trans issues are being led by TRAs and we are told that official medical "wait and see" advice is transphobic. Why is anyone going along with this?

If you are referring to me, please do no refer to me as a TRA.

I am not saying watch and wait is transphobic - I am recommending it, but watch and wait but watch and wait means that a trans identity should be accommodated and respected - that's the watch part.

I read Snappity's posts at the beginning of this thread and then read this

Your child is your child, the same child you've always known. Total strangers who claim to know your child better than you do despite never having interacted with the child in any way should be viewed with extreme caution. That is safeguarding.

And suddenly things clicked into place. Snappity telling a poster that her daughter might not feel 'safe' at home unless that poster does what Snappity says to do. Implying suicide stats again, throwing around the words 'safeguarding issues' with regards to being in their own home and away from school for the holidays......

If this is what someone is telling a parent on MN where a load of people can totally see through the bullshit, then what the hell are teens being told online elsewhere?

What the hell is this bullshit that a parent's job is to entirely affirm and not challenge their children? I dread to think what kind of coddled brats are being raised by people pushing that rubbish.

Our kids see the world in a naive and childish way. They often make the wrong assumptions. If all you do as a parent is smile angelically and say "Yes, my love, whatever makes you happy", I'm going out on a limb and saying - you are a bad parent.

The OP and others who have posted about helping their children with ROGD are not bad parents. The creeps attempting to shame them into submission, well...

What is a "trans identity"? How many of these children have been told that it's possible to change sex, by pressure groups which have been given access to schools? The schools should not be allowing this.

I'd hate to be the manager of a young person in their first job who'd been given unconditional affirmation and nothing but their entire life.

I'd hate to be the young person too actually, given how quickly they'd get themselves fired.

What the hell is this bullshit that a parent's job is to entirely affirm and not challenge their children? I dread to think what kind of coddled brats are being raised by people pushing that rubbish.

This.

And Truthwillwin, you are a great mum.

Going back to my "mummy I want some cocaine" example from earlier (note that I never actually asked my mother this - I'm not stupid), there have been cases of parents who've responded to that kind of request by giving their child what the child asked for (I've seen some eyebrow raising documentaries about the children of rock stars in the 70s). Does anyone consider that good parenting?

Reasonable people understand that part of the job of a parent is to say no in circumstances where they believe that what the child wants is not good for them. If the child disagrees then they are free to pursue whatever it was that the parent prevented them from doing once they are an adult.

I have worked with many, many young people who have questioned their gender identity. The vast majority have ended up gender conforming. Keeping all options open has been positive for persisters and desisters.

It is natural and normal for adolescents to explore who they are during their teenage years.
The pernicious thing about some trans activists and some trans advocacy/lobbying groups is that they seem to refuse to allow for such exploration. They talk of affirmation but they are really talking about confirmation. Confirming something that is not the case in the vast majority of cases.
Snappity. What do you think the best approach is for children who are not trans but think they are? Your position is aimed at supporting persisters not desisters. We need to promote approaches that keep options open.

Sorry just a point about the internet thing

Young person i know has absolutely been groomed online, apparently they 'speak' to a large number of late teens and early twenties transwomen who have all had the full operation

Thats what they have been basing all of their decisions on

Now this young person may well be trans and obviously would benefit from support, but the odds of all these people being that age and having completely transitioned is tiny

Worse still is the idea that one or two of those people are posting in all honesty and the others are not even vaguely trans in the slightest but are enjoying the 'game'

If you can monitor the use of the internet thats fine, but tha may be harder than it sounds

Snappity. What do you think the best approach is for children who are not trans but think they are? Your position is aimed at supporting persisters not desisters. We need to promote approaches that keep options open.

Watch and wait keeps the options open.

If parents suppress it during childhood with an approach which is all wait and no watch (ie acceptance of a cross-gender identity) then some children will indeed bottle things up then, later in life, find it is something unresolved in their make up which they need to explore and understand. The Trans Widows thread shows how damaging and disruptive that can be later in life.

am not saying watch and wait is transphobic - I am recommending it, but watch and wait but watch and wait means that a trans identity should be accommodated and respected - that's the watch part.

According to who?

If parents suppress it during childhood with an approach which is all wait and no watch (ie acceptance of a cross-gender identity) then some children will indeed bottle things up then, later in life, find it is something unresolved in their make up which they need to explore and understand. The Trans Widows thread shows how damaging and disruptive that can be later in life.

According to who? Based on what reliable research? How do you know the damaging behaviour in the trans widows thread has anything to do with the type of things you are advising here?