Daughter with ROGD - issues with school

[Hoggirl765]

My daughter presents with ROGD. Her school is going forward with affirming this by way of calling her by her boys name and male pronouns. That's all so far. This despite our repeated requests to step back and watch and wait - to go at our pace as a family (basically back off). She has had a lot of emotional upheaval in her short life and has always found it hard to fit in. We have found a wonderful counsellor and that's all we're prepared to do at present. She is just 14 and at present is very enthusiastic and keyed into her school work and in general seems happy. No self harm etc. The school have caused us as a family so much unnecessary stress and then said that's it you'll have to wait til September now. If it wasn't for the excellent teaching we would be moving her. Has anyone else has experiences with unsupportive, insensitive or unsympathetic schools?

If, as is thought, many girls are transitioning due to PTSD/sexual trauma. Where the fuck is this going to lead?

Would a girl who transitions because of sexual trauma, then be recommended to use the boys' toilets?? Seriously? Without the parents' knowledge? The school wouldn't even know why the girl was transitioning.

You see, I don't think the school would suggest they use the boys' toilets. I think the school would experience the cognitive dissonance at exactly that situation.

One would hope.

But putting protocols in place for this to be considered the correct course of action is breathtaking.

See also Transgender Trend article about the role and influence of
Transpire and its founder Gina Denham (police officer):

'Who Is Making Policy For Schools?'

www.transgendertrend.com/who-is-making-policy-for-schools/

relevent thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/3241837-Why-has-the-trans-lobby-been-so-successful

@Hoggirl765 and Truthwillwin, you might find the Transgender Reality site helpful. The site, which describes itself as What Trans People Are Really Saying Online, reveals the totally irresponsible and frankly terrifying way some transgender adults interact with questioning teens (and we're talking about 13 or 14 y.o) who visit forums like Reddit asktransgender.

Truthwillwin there is nothing hysterical about your posts. You're clearly a loving devoted parent at the end of your tether. You have my utmost sympathy. Please post here for support.

In passing, I very much object to the use of the word "hysterical" for a woman's distress and anxiety, particularly on a feminist board. It's a misogynist term with its roots in the Greek word for uterus, which is the source of the word hysterectomy too.

Why has this person been handed such status?

It's astonishing, isn't it? Someone who has so much personally invested in this issue, being quoted as though she is some sort of expert in child development. When in fact, she seems to know very little about it.

Susie Green said at age 3-5 years a children generally align with their gender, they notice and start to fit as either girl or boy. We only ask those who say their birth gender doesn't fit. If a child is vocalising to you at a very early age, it must mean they feel it strongly'

At 3-5, they are starting to understand that there is some sort of difference about girls and boys, but they do not yet understand that the only real difference is reproductive role. All they can know about at this age is stereotypes.

She thinks a healthy 3-year-old child should be lied to (that they can change sex) and led down a path towards sterility, lack of sexual function and a lifetime of medication because they like the 'wrong' toys or clothes. How has she managed to get so much power?

If a child is vocalising to you at a very early age, it must mean they feel it strongly

Or not. In my son's case, not.

He was convinced he was a girl at 3-4. He was frequently mistaken for a girl.

He expressed a strong wish to be a girl at 11. His hobbies were fairly typically 'girly' and he was very much teased for it. He too mentioned suicide at more than one point.

He's a boy. And I'm very glad that he just missed the current trend to 'affirm' any hint of teensy smidgen of possible suggestion of trans identity, because it could have led a healthy child into a disastrously unnecessary path.

Thanks everyone. I have read transgender leaflet and suggested so should the school. It's very stressful all round. I'll support my child 100% but believe that that also includes stepping back and not allowing anything that is life changing until absolutely sure this is really how she feels. She has a short hair style and she tends to wear clothes that are comfortable and more gender neutral. However she acts in a very feminine manner. So I will watch and wait whatever the school do. I don't believe they can change her name on the personal data on the school records as this information was given to them be with my signature. Surely that's a legal document that they can't just change at their will.

I don't believe they can change her name on the personal data on the school records as this information was given to them be with my signature. Surely that's a legal document that they can't just change at their will?

I don't want to alarm you, Hoggirl, but I wouldn't assume anything. Schools where the ideology of Mermaids, for example, has been absorbed uncritically are doing some totally batshit things.

I think a formal meeting at the school the week before term starts is a plan. You'll need to bring resources and reports with you, as suggested upthread

If a teenager was convinced that the only way they could feel comfortable was to walk around with a blindfold because they identified as blind, and that they were genuinely distressed when able to see, would the school enable that against the wishes of the parents (who can see that their child needs kind and supportive therapy). Would the school enable that on the basis of some training they had got from a group who supports people who are distressed being able to see? Or would they listen to the parents, and take advice from medical professionals?

Or developed anorexia, as several people have said. It’s long been established that anorexia has it’s roots in a fear of growing up, hence it’s usual appearance at the onset of adolescence.

People often use anorexia as a comparable example and I think it's the one especially worth using in this context. Anorexics usually have a self-image which is at complete odds with reality and a desire to radically change their bodies in a way which is dangerous.

No school would accept 'guidance' from a pro-ana group (and we know they exist) telling them to do the kinds of things we know that Mermaids and the like are sending out.

I'm fed up of being told I must accept without question - and buy into - the notion that some people believe something which is impossible. That some people are actively promoting this amongst children - including small children - defies belief.

VickyEadie

please do not equate the two as is often done on here the focus on purely body image is not the full picture of Anorexics. this is often the misconception around this while it plays a part it is often around maladaptive behaviours around food and control over things, comparing to two directly. is not helpful in this.

please do not equate the two as is often done on here the focus on purely body image is not the full picture of Anorexics. this is often the misconception around this while it plays a part it is often around maladaptive behaviours around food and control over things, comparing to two directly. is not helpful in this.

That's your view. I beg to differ.

Reading a thread where people are verbally abused with personal attacks and false accusations and those who object or react angrily to the abuser are deleted while the abuser continues the abusive behavior is not something I ever expected to see on the Feminist boards of this parenting website.

Hoggirl765 - thank you for returning to this thread. I hope you found at least something helpful in it. I am sorry that it turned out the way it did. Good luck with everything and I wish nothing but the best for your child. Again: you sound like a wonderful mother.

please do not equate the two as is often done on here the focus on purely body image is not the full picture of Anorexics. this is often the misconception around this while it plays a part it is often around maladaptive behaviours around food and control over things, comparing to two directly. is not helpful in this

Anorexia is a product of psychological distress and difficulties in managing life, as is gender dysphoria. Successful treatment of anorexia requires a deeper exploration and resolution of issues than simply those relating to body image, as is the case for gender dysphoria.

Why this is deemed to be controversial in the case of gender dysphoria but not in anorexia is what is concerning!

please do not equate the two as is often done on here the focus on purely body image is not the full picture of Anorexics. this is often the misconception around this while it plays a part it is often around maladaptive behaviours around food and control over things, comparing to two directly. is not helpful in this.

Right it is an exercise in psychological control over yourself when often the environments you find yourself in are beyond your control - like puberty. It can be a form of control, a response to trauma (sexual, or other), it can have roots in wanting to belong. Not remotely like feeling your body and how it is changing and how people respond to you being beyond your control and wanting to exercise some control through the gender you identify as and making people respond to you differently - not remotely alike are they?

Except they are and I'll conflate the two as I know a considerable amount about eating disorders through research and experience and I see those similarities. Don't assume people don't know what they are talking about.

We equate the two as they likely stem from pretty much the same source.

Reading a thread where people are verbally abused with personal attacks and false accusations and those who object or react angrily to the abuser are deleted while the abuser continues the abusive behavior is not something I ever expected to see on the Feminist boards of this parenting website.

It has been an enlightening read in that respect but it shouldn't be happening on a support thread.

I am finding it an appalling thing to witness on a parenting site.

God I meant equate not conflate - speedy typing errors

I am finding it an appalling thing to witness on a parenting site.

And me. The mission appears to have very much got lost.

please do not equate the two as is often done on here the focus on purely body image is not the full picture of Anorexics. this is often the misconception around this while it plays a part it is often around maladaptive behaviours around food and control over things, comparing to two directly. is not helpful in this.

I find this a surprising statement from someone who has often discussed their work with young people and also having experience working in mental health service provision.

Bespin

I agree

Snappity is very obviously not a mother.

I don’t think Snappity is a woman.

No, nor do I.