What can teachers and other professionals do to create a more gender free environment in our schools?

[SarahCarer]

As my dd is autistic and, as a result, Gender non Conforming (GNC) I thought I would share some thoughts about how to de-gender our schools.

Firstly, teachers need to find a way to address groups of children without saying "girls" or "boys" . This is commonplace in some schools and puts an unnatural focus onto a person's sex which is of no relevance at all in the context.

Secondly every school should have at least one unisex toilet which any pupil can use without special permission.

Thirdly school staff should avoid using the terms "good girl" or "good boy" Again the sex is of no relevance and the statement risks implying that they are being good because they are behaving in a way consistent with femininity or masculinity.

Fourthly ALL sexism and homophobia should be robustly challenged

Fifthly sex ed should not have gendered content

Sixthly there should be no organising of classes with reference to sex except in PE or for sex ed.

Any thoughts on these suggestions or suggestions for others?

These are some of the ways we can protect our autistic children from gender dysphoria (GD)

A skirts-only for girls rule at school is so unbelievably reactionary in the country I live in that it only arises in schools associated with religious fundamentalism.

School uniforms have an awful lot to answer for in these distressing gender wars...

You should see how much more gender segregated their clothing is on no-uniform days then.

What is a boys haircut and a girls haircut? You are persisting in gendering haircuts!!!

My children go (actually went now as dd has just finished) to a non uniform school system. At primary dd was very unusual in wearing skirts/dresses, everyone else wore jeans, shorts or leggings. She was also unusual in having short hair. Her school allowed any hair style but virtually all the girls had long hair with a few having bob styles, where dd had a pixie cut. A fair few of the boys had longer hair than her (surfer style was popular). A few boys had mohicans and other interesting styles went unquestioned. Girls more likely to dye their hair than boys, but not exclusively so. ds got a few digs for wearing brony t-shirts (he chose deliberately 'girls' colours) at secondary but as I think he quite encouraged them so as to have an excuse for an argument I'm not sure that it was really an issue.

One of my sons has autism. One does not. One is gay. Neither of them buy clothes from the mens section of shops, even shoes, and one will wear high heels occassionally. They both will wear nail varnish and one will wear full face makeup when going out if he wants to, even though he has a full beard. They are both Gender Non Conforming but NOT because one has autism. Mostly because they had a highly patriarchal abusive father and wish to distance themselves from everything he ever stood for. School had nothing to do with it.

I am very proud of them.

School uniforms have an awful lot to answer for in these distressing gender wars...

If you think school uniforms are responsible for the current rise in genderism, you are deluded.

I didn't just randomly reach the conclusion that gender non conformity and autism are connected because of my dd! Feel free to Google it. The two very commonly co-occur. Not all autistic people. Not all GNC people. I am happy my dd is GNC. School didnt cause it for heavens sakes! But teachers and staff working in schools can help and, believe it or not, many want to.

I teach in a girls' school and call the girls girls. I don't have a problem with that. It doesn't mean I think they should be conforming to stereotypes. A lot of teachers use ladies. I'm in two minds about that as I hate it applied to me but the girls generally respond well to it as it feel like an 'upgrade'. Similarly when I worked in a boys school 'gentlemen' was used a lot.

I'm totally against gender stereotypes but, much as I believe that everyone should be supported by society, organising our language and society around the interests of one particular and small interest group, be they transgenders or people with autism, would be a big mistake.

Extreme cases make bad law.

You misunder stand @Coyoacan. No one wants to make a law about it. And many people here do want to smash the gender binary. My suggestions are for people who car enough to make a few small adjustments which mostly cost nothing. You can feel free to take them or leave them.

Care enough not car enough!

And it is my belief that de-gendering helps everyone. In the same way the DDA was, in that case, a high cost to help a small group and yet actually makes a positive difference to virtually everyone.

Sounds to me you want to get rid of the idea that there are two sexes??

I think its simple really, allow children to flourish be always reinforcing that they can achieve and do anything - there are no limits because of sex differences. Promote that fem/masc traits are all ok in either girls or boys . Parents start from baby / toddler stages by not putting girls in pretty but activity restricting clothes and giving boys more opprtunity to play dress up etc

No not at all imawoman. I just question its relevance to a literacy lesson for example.

If you could show a gender free environment did support learning and pupils achieving their potential, I would be all for it.

However, education should be evidence based, not based on dogma. It would be a huge experiment on children.

And what does not gender based mean? Does it mean assuming ‘girl’s’ modes of learning are the correct unisex way or ‘boy’s’ (note the inverted commas). Do you try to look for ways to make Physics appeal to girls (less examples based on cars and rockets) or do you assume both sexes should be equally interested. Do you allow both sexes to barrel around the playground or pander to the health and safety lobby?

The idea that gender is purely a social construct is just a theory with which many neurologists disagree. I think schools should do whatever they believe produces the best outcomes.

I agree with your second statement. But a lot of the time on this forum those of us who are concerned about the trans identification of children say we want to create a world where no one feels the need to "identify" as the opposite sex. As someone with a child at risk of gender dysphoria I am sharing my experience that the illogical categorisation of children by their sex when their sex is irrelevant to a situation is part of what makes them dysphoric. It is part of the gender binary.

But males and females are different with hormones that govern certain characteristics, I agree all children should be allowed to reach their full potential regardless of sex, so more emphasis on encouraging sports as a unisex activity and enabling girls to see that they can have careers in STEM.

I don't expect this to be down to teachers, I teach my children to aim for whatever they want and try to help them see that because you are a girl/boy does not mean you can't do xyz. I however would not like unisex toilets and would fight against this, my DD feels very self conscious as her body is changing and I don't think going into a toilet with boys would help when she has her period, I would hate this. We have not yet come far enough for this to be a safe option.

We do need to be more inclusive, accepting and challenging about stereotyping but not at the risk of safety. Regarding uniform yes one generic list would be good but, I do think girls should be allowed to wear skirts/dresses pretty shoes if they choose, this choice seems to me as Important as allowing people to be GNC.

Teaching sex education surely is factual as biology does not change I don't see the issue with this one but happy for someone to explain this further.
Whilst I am on this I work as a health professional so should we also have mixed sex wards again?

Hormones alter brains very little (and not at all before puberty). I am asking for one or more private unisex toilets to be available not to abolish single sex toilets. And no to mixed sex wards. That is a dignity issue. I agree home is the main influence but Monday to Friday for many of us teachers are with our kids more than we are.

I've talked about sex ed up thread. Some teachers use it as a kind of female bonding exercise. I agree it should simply be factual.

Yes to girls being allowed to wearing pretty dresses and also boys.

Point taken on the hormone/brain point, also yes if boys want to wear dresses and skirts too which is what I meant with regard to a single uniform list. As a health professional I agree with promoting dignity and am passionate in promoting it at work but I don't understand the need for unisex toilets.

@rupertpenryswife "point taken" is such a refreshing thing to hear on here thank you! I also take the point others have made that I used gendered language myself when I said my dd has a boys haircut. It was shorthand instead of saying "She has her hair cut at the barber's in a style much more commonly selected by boys" but it left me open to appearing hypocritical which is a fair point.

In a large school not all children know each other and GNC girls can be very vocally "informed" that they are in the wrong toilets, which is utterly humiliating for the girls but on the other hand should girls be told they cannot challenge when they think there's a boy in their toilets? Of course a lot of socially isolated children find shared toilets intimidating anyway and are vulnerable to bullying in there. A few private unisex toilets that anyone can use without special permission are a really good idea imo.

Unisex toilets would have been a disaster in my school! Some of us were filled with teenage hormone induced lust, I can think of a few groups who would have spent all the time shagging in the loos if they were open to all. (All though the changing rooms were also popular for this because the girls/boys rooms were separated by an unlocked interconnecting door.

What a strange society we seem to be living in nowadays. Have you thought about the long term impact this could have on children? If every child today decides to be gender neutral and desexed then how do you see the future of humanity? It would end pretty quickly. There is nothing 'wrong' with being a girl or a boy. Society now seems to be encouraging people to look inwards to such a huge extent that we are failing to see outwards (eg how do I feel? What should I think?). The main gel that holds society together is teamwork. To encourage people to be self obsessed is bad for society in the long run. How about teaching basic values and manners to your child, instead of obsessing over how 'unfair' life obviously is for them because they were born with particular genitals. It's a bizarre modern phenomenon that will negatively impact the children today for years to come. Did you read the thread the other day asking people if they would've changed gender had they been growing up nowadays? Most people said yes they would. But then they grew up and realised they wouldn't after all. My partner said he went through a stage of believing he was a robot when he was young. Should this have been encouraged? He could've had his genitals cut off by now going by today's standards. Start encouraging your child to look outwards. The prime example of 'inward looking' is that of the mindset of a teenager. Do we really need an entire society made up of teenage minds? How do you think this encouragement of gender neutral is progressing humanity?

I think your way of thinking is dangerous .
A gender non conforming girl is still, biologically and a matter of fact , a girl .
To play into and feed some sort of fantasy that she isn't a girl is going to further promote the idea that there is something intrinsically wrong and shameful with being a girl . That's what this whole agenda does and that's why I believe the whole gender neutral cult is based on deep rooted misogyny . It does nothing to tackle gender stereotypes ; it reinforces them .