A temporary cessation of hostilities

[ScarletBegonias]

I know how serious all this is – but there may be no harm in a little light relief from time to time.

So - has anyone else found themselves watching the football and fantasising about a game between Trans Rights Activists (or whatever they’d like to call themselves) and … shall we say … a Mumsnet Team of Everyday Radical Feminists? (Or maybe a team called Spartacus?) After all, there was a temporary cessation of hostilities at Christmas 1914 during which English and German troops apparently played football with each other.

Here are some extracts from how the commentary might go:

“That was a dangerous run by Munroe Bergdorf, neatly blocked at the last minute by AngryAttackKittens.”

“Keeper Jane Fae has put the knitting down in the corner of the net as Datun steps up to take the penalty.”

“SwearyGodmother has been shown a yellow card for something she said to the referee.”

“Bowlofbabelfish, Spontaneousgiventime, and LangCleg are in the wall as Paris Lees gets ready to take the free kick.”

“We can see how important the preparation was, with R0wantrees briefing the team on the opposition’s tactics in previous matches.”

“The referee is running over to an incident involving the realposieparker and Lily Madigan.”

You can paint your own mental pictures of what the spectators might look like!

Okay. Back to reality.

The mods and JR head off the pitch tripping over MB who had earlier tripped over a divot and was still lying on the pitch throwing a tantrum.

Team Sportacus battle against their female socialisation and try not to help.

There is something strange on the, now pretty deserted, pitch. A pale, lone human shape is seen stumbling about, now slumped on the terraces, now weaving aimlessly in the stands. Seemingly lost and forlorn.

The camera slowly pans towards it, revealing a figure covered in a white sheet, reminiscent of 'play ghosts'.

As the focus sharpens, you can briefly make out the words printed on the cloth, 'The Spirit of Mumsnet', as it vanishes.

This has definitely been the group to watch in the playoffs.

Off the 4 teams in Group A of the Gender Games trying to make it to the last 16 Sportacus have been seen as the underdogs by the other 3; TRA, MRA and Mermaids.

Mermaids and MRA face each other off tomorrow but there's a general sense of apathy about the game with very little appetite for competition.

Mermaid's Manger, Susie has made clear she's generally unconcerned about the result and is saving her squad for the Sportacus match. She's not even proposing to utilise star striker MimmyMum in the MRA/TRA matches and has confined her to the TwitterSpa to get her in the best mindset for Sportucus match.

Its still unclear if the heavily anticipate Sportacus/Mermaids match will go ahead however, as official are still debating Susie's demands for the match to be played in Thailand, whilst Sportacus have launched a counter claim that many mermaids team members are under age and not eligible to play.

We contacted Susie for comment and got the following "there is no debate to be had. I've named my squad and the location. Frankly the game shouldn't be played at all. I've already decided it will be a 5-0 result and Sportacus are just bloody meanies who don't like football".

Sportacus PR have respond with an official eye roll and a a seemingly coded message of DFOD.

Gawd, have I brought you all down now!

(That was to give HQ pause, should they be hovering over the delete button.)

Fae teaches Willoughby the knitting basics while Madigan asks Jones to get the coffees in, while flicking through a catalogue of nice prams and Bergdorf looks over their shoulder can't decide which ones look the most glamorous.

It's a nice coffee morning.

This thread deserves to go into classics. My sides...

I think we can be sure Sporticus won that match. It's now a case of who are the two teams in the next one.

The VR begins to shake and shudder at the idea of another match.

I may have posted in the wrong place. Apologies.

However, I'm loving this thread.

Funniest thread in years.

And news hot off the press. Whoever tops this group will face Saudi Arabia in the last 16. What a match that will be. I don't fancy Madigan's chances of getting through a match against those gals without breaking a nail.

I have a feeling that next time I find myself watching football on tv it won't be quite the same, somehow.

Sporticus V Mermaids

Kick off about to start. Helen is already frothing that she is being forced to play against those mean nasty wimminz who criticise her for her parenting choices. She kicks the round spherical thing, her shoe comes off and hits Suzie.

Team Mermaid's mascot is entering the pitch and waving.. it's an unusual choice - a police officer in a frilly nappy - must make sense to them...

Just a reminder to tune in tomorrow for coverage of the Group C matches where will will be watching team GCJ (gender critical jounos) vs team STHP (Spineless Try Hard Politicians).

Both teams are looking to field some strong players with team GCJ putting forwards Turner, Freeman and Kirkup on from start of play. It's a solid and experienced team of whom much is anticipated.

STHP have already announced star defenders Corbyn and Butler will be playing despite scoring a number of home goals in the pre-tournament friendlies with the forwards largely being pulled from the LibDem LGBTQXYZRDG academy (known for its particularly combative style of play).

The other match in this group is expected to less well contested with team YTL (YouTube Lesbians) captained by Peachy Yoghurt to dominate from the kick off over Riley Denis's YTGDM (YouTube Genitals Don't matter ) team.

Remember these two have clashed repeatedly, with Peachy always leading her team to a decisive victory.

West Yorks Police are out in force to support Mermaids with the Leeds constabulary also highly represented. Suzie sidles up to them and whispers in one's ear. He winks at her and taps his nose.

Thanks for the reminder woman it looks set to be a gripping day.

Parker is centre forward of Team Sportacus today. A contraversial choice, but she is looking confident and there's no denying her track record.

Odds are in favour of her scoring a hat trick.

Ooo wait!
What's that kerfuffle in the stands? It seems Team TRA supporters have grabbed the Team Sporticus flags. The flags have been educated! Sorry, redecorated, to make sure they are thoroughly inclusive with pretty pink and pastel blue. The true colours of all real girls and boys.

That can't be right .. the lineswo/men all have flags in Team Mermaid's pastel colours. That can't be right can it?

I am just getting a nod. Yes it can be right for all the lineswo/men and referees to be Mermaid's supporters... strange times indeed..

An interesting piece of trivia... Suzie and Mimmy from Team Mermaids have consulted with the stadium and all the associations prior to the match. A very successful and well-received presentation called 'Moving the Goalposts for Fair Play' - some really shocking and unsubstantiated statistics along with emotive pleas got everyone motivated to start making major changes straight away.
This should be our least triggering game so far.

News just in from the first game:

Miranda Yardley has been awarded Man of the Match.

Team TRA breathe a collective sigh of relief.

Tara Hudson appears to be offering Lees legal advice.