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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

A temporary cessation of hostilities

355 replies

ScarletBegonias · 19/06/2018 09:40

I know how serious all this is – but there may be no harm in a little light relief from time to time.

So - has anyone else found themselves watching the football and fantasising about a game between Trans Rights Activists (or whatever they’d like to call themselves) and … shall we say … a Mumsnet Team of Everyday Radical Feminists? (Or maybe a team called Spartacus?) After all, there was a temporary cessation of hostilities at Christmas 1914 during which English and German troops apparently played football with each other.

Here are some extracts from how the commentary might go:

“That was a dangerous run by Munroe Bergdorf, neatly blocked at the last minute by AngryAttackKittens.”

“Keeper Jane Fae has put the knitting down in the corner of the net as Datun steps up to take the penalty.”

“SwearyGodmother has been shown a yellow card for something she said to the referee.”

“Bowlofbabelfish, Spontaneousgiventime, and LangCleg are in the wall as Paris Lees gets ready to take the free kick.”

“We can see how important the preparation was, with R0wantrees briefing the team on the opposition’s tactics in previous matches.”

“The referee is running over to an incident involving the realposieparker and Lily Madigan.”

You can paint your own mental pictures of what the spectators might look like!

Okay. Back to reality.

OP posts:
Rufustheyawningreindeer · 19/06/2018 11:40

gah

Grin

Good idea scarlet

LaContessaDiPlump · 19/06/2018 11:43

I can't compete (see what I did there?) but Grin

SuperLoudPoppingAction · 19/06/2018 11:46

I'm not capable of being funny like that

Does anyone remember a magazine called Herstoria though? It had an edition about women in football that was so brilliant.

SuperLoudPoppingAction · 19/06/2018 11:47

herstoria.com/herstoria-magazine/autumn-2009-issue/
'infuriated beings in petticoats'!

boldlygoingsomewhere · 19/06/2018 11:50

Cries of ‘Die terf scum’ from the stands causes confusion and prompts an official pitch inspection.

No dye or scum is found on the turf and play resumes...

AsAProfessionalFekko · 19/06/2018 11:57

I can only imagine outrage and complaints about the ugly strips and clumpy boots, as well as the ikky mud and yukky sweat.

Popchyk · 19/06/2018 11:57

Don't be daft Sponty, you don't have to have to know anything about football. Can't be doing with that kind of defeatist attitude.

You just have to claim football for yourself. There's nothing innate or factual about football you know; it just something that exists in people's heads.

Anyone can appropriate it.

For me it is all about the fashion. The managers are making a real effort this year and frankly it is about time. Armani suits, the brilliant white starched Hugo Boss shirts and silk ties, the jaunty waistcoats, the matching outfits between managers and assistant managers. Dizzying, I tell you. The beautiful game indeed.

The Tunisia manager did look like a burst mattress but hey, I'm all for inclusion, even of the obviously unfashionable. I pride myself on my tolerance. That's just me.

Football is all about me.

ThisisSparta · 19/06/2018 11:58
Grin

You lot are brilliant!

Amalfimamma · 19/06/2018 12:01

Lilly madigan is throwing a temper tantrum on the pitch. Apparently it's transphobic to play with balls and they want Corbyn to step in and take away the balls on the pitch as they are distressing for the tra team.

Owen Jones is suggesting a parliamentary inquest into the transphobic nature of playing with balls in general and askingnthey be replaced with frisbees

Tinlegs · 19/06/2018 12:02

When the referee calls for the ball team TRA deny that they have any.

Tinlegs · 19/06/2018 12:04

At half time Lily M (her hand fluttering gently beneath her chin) appeals to the crowds for a donation to pay for a latte and an orange segment.

spontaneousgiventime · 19/06/2018 12:04

Will "Howay the toon" cut it Popchyk I believe they shout that at St James' Park Newcastle.

I do admit I do love a well turned out leg and football sock give me the vapours Grin

Kettlepotblackagain · 19/06/2018 12:05

Munroe Bergdorf is rolling around the pitch in agony complaining of period pains and the game gets suspended

Tinlegs · 19/06/2018 12:06

No one wants the number 2 on the TRA team as that suggests a binary. Everyone on Team Spartacus is, confusingly, wearing the number 2.

Kettlepotblackagain · 19/06/2018 12:06

a latte and an orange segment.

Stop this is killing me GrinGrinGrinGrin

JuzzaL · 19/06/2018 12:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

spontaneousgiventime · 19/06/2018 12:07

The tra goalkeeper loses their mooncup and demands a break in play while they find it and their cranberry juice. The ref decides to agree to give the ground staff chance to pick up all the errant chicken fillets.

AsAProfessionalFekko · 19/06/2018 12:07

its not fair! I never played footie as a little girl. I haven't got the experience. I don't even know the rules.

Amalfimamma · 19/06/2018 12:09

At half time Lily M (her hand fluttering gently beneath her chin) appeals to the crowds for a donation to pay for a latte and an orange segment.
That is the best comment I've ever read on this forum 😂🤣

spontaneousgiventime · 19/06/2018 12:11

Half time and the crowd invade the pitch to 'stomp the divets' dug up with all the tra heels.

Kettlepotblackagain · 19/06/2018 12:14

All the team of TRA rush to the goalkeepers side waving tampons and pads. The game ceases when a discussion about the virtues of a mooncup vs sanitary products arises, which tis new to the TRA team as yet another new novelty in the lady experience

Amalfimamma · 19/06/2018 12:14

The tra fans are delighted at being allowed to stomp the turfs and seem to have misunderstood what they are supposed to be doing .......

Kettlepotblackagain · 19/06/2018 12:19

The TRAs get cross and realise that football is not a ladylike game. They demand the game is renamed Needlework and Domestic Science but all other aspects of the game stay the same.

This is agreed. The crows applauds.

Jane Fae is commentating and every time team Spartacus plays they just let out one looooooonnnnggggg breath.

spontaneousgiventime · 19/06/2018 12:22

A particularly famous [acronym] is not happy the camera's are not focusing on their recently paid for body so flounces tripping over a divot.

AtreidesFreeWoman · 19/06/2018 12:23

It was always going to be a highly contested game.

Trouble started as early as the pre-match warm ups when team TRA demanded that commentators should refrain from discussing the number of balls on the pitch.

For fans who may be confused, the items formally know as "balls" must be referred to as SPOFS (spherical playing objects for sport).