Asking people to use preferred pro-nouns is abelist and discriminatory - what affects your ability to comply?

[DJLippy]

I wanted to start a thread because I am really going to struggle to stay within Mumsnet talk guidelines.

I struggle to use preferred pro-noun's with those who I genuinely don't believe are the sex they claim to be. Because I have dyspraxia pro-noun policing creates a barrier for my fluency. I have to stop and think to change the pro-noun. I can go back and edit my post for 'mistakes' to comply but I miss out on pro-nouns (again because of my disability.)

I have spoken to those with autism and they've told me similar things - that they genuinely find it difficult to lie.

I also think that it is difficult for those for whom English is a second language. Un-learning sub-conscious grammar structures is hard enough for English people - I can only imagine how much more difficult it must be for those from other countries.

I think this is a real issue when Mumsnet creates a three strike rule. I have stopped posting since the new rule change because I honestly and truly do not mean to break rules - I can't abide by this code and I don't always have the mental energy to police my sub-conscious like this.

Does anybody else have a reason (other than the fact that they don't agree) that they find it difficult to follow the new language laws? Is it right that social media platforms and public institutions create more barriers for those who are already disadvantaged?

(AC has been giving me sighing lessons)

False equivalence is tiresome.

SpartacusAutisticus, SuperLoudPoppingAction

I'm sorry you're distressed.

You know nothing about me, my health or my situation. Please don't verbally abuse me with unpleasant personal insults.

I too am disgusted. Don’t even get me started on how under diagnosed ASD are in women. That really is a thread for the feminist board!

Because of the socialisation of women and girls they largely learn to mask, which is exhausting and causes untold stress and anxiety.

And then people who haven’t even got a diagnosis themselves are expected to prioritise narcissists?

FUCK. THAT. SHIT.

Considering how you don't like how people are responding to your posts, would you care to answer why you ignored my polite request for posters to stop telling us how to magically fix our disabilities?
And instead chose to keep goading?

I am not autistic, but I have been on the receiving end of coercive control and violence. I am certainly not alone in that here on Mumsnet, I feel the rules now discriminate strongly against women like me who find any kind of forced control extremely distressing. That is true for NT women and women with ASD. We must hugely outnumber the tiny amount of male trans people who come into Mumsnet.

Who is this site for now ? Where is our support ?

This is my situation too. It is extremely upsetting and disappointing that male feelings are obviously seen to trump my distress at being subject to control about speaking up for the rights of women.

Cause, y'know, coming into a thread for disabled MNers and telling people with neurological disabilities that all they need to do is "just" be nice, after you've been asked not to be so trivial, is rather impolite.

And considering it is so easy for ND posters to just be nice, you'd think an NT poster could manage it...

OK I really have failed to use social skills effectively here. I've not understood that I was personally insulting anyone. I've re-read and still can't see it.

Cause, y'know, coming into a thread for disabled MNers and telling people with neurological disabilities that all they need to do is "just" be nice, after you've been asked not to be so trivial, is rather impolite.

This. SMG, this is not the thread to goad on and copy and paste your TWAW nonsense all over.

It is extremely upsetting and disappointing that male feelings

Eresh You are trying to goad or bait me into stating more about myself. You know very well I haven't disclosed anything about my sex or gender. This doesn't mean it's ok to insult me. I think I have been nice on this thread.

Extreme transactivism is an absolute embodiment of the Duluth wheel's representation of male pattern abusive behaviour. There is nothing gender non-conforming about it. It's a complete replication of gender power relations.

Exactly. To bring that abuse dynamic to this thread is inexcusable.

Eresh You are trying to goad or bait me into stating more about myself.

No I wasn't. I couldn't care less who you are. I think you should back off.

I was finding this thread really helpful as a space to articulate the issues that cause me distress as a lesbian woman with autism who wishes to define her sexuality in her own words.

to any other autistic women who are struggling with the turn it's taken.

" I think I have been nice on this thread"

😂 nah mate, you really haven't.
It is not nice to belittle people with disabilities.
Regardless of your TWAW stance or whatever, that fact remains.

No I wasn't. I couldn't care less who you are. I think you should back off.

I am going to leave it for now. I'm not backing off - I don't think I've said anything wrong. But I will leave it for the sake of all our mental health.

SuperLoud yes of course you can articulate the issues - but you don't have to deliberately insult people in the process.

Thanks. Would prefer none of us were deleted but would also quite like an answer from MNHQ about this. Am just v confused at the idea that my articulation of distress and neurological issues I experience is deliberately insulting.
Like, actually extremely puzzled.
The word deliberately implies intent and I have no such intent.
I think we would all understand more about one another if we spoke from our own experiences, so I try to do that as much as I can.

It just seems a bit like shooting fish in a barrel to accuse women who struggle with social issues of things they don't think they have done, without quotes.

SoarticusAutisticus

You hear it so man times, that women's spaces get taken over. It is awful experiencing it here. Fucking awful.

Was it insulting that I said I was a lesbian? This is something that has worried me since the new guidelines first came out. For some, the idea of a woman expressing a boundary in relation to considering male people as sexual partners is seen as inherently transphobic. Obviously I don't think it is. But would it be that?

I can't see what SMG is pearl clutching about Superloud, it doesn't look like you said anything "personally insulting" apart from saying false equivalence was tiresome, and that distress was being sidestepped. Not sure what SMG found so terrible

SMG why don't you just do one? I've not commented on this thread because I can't imagine what these women are going through and I refuse to belittle their experiences by posting inappropriate stuff. I read the first post and backed away.

I read somewhere else that some women are becoming distressed because you won't leave them alone to discuss a subject that is vitally important.

You don't need to spread your version of feminism on every thread, the amount of shite you post is self evident. Have some respect, eh?