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Original poster

Choking women

53 replies

QuarksandLeptons · 13/05/2018 21:18

A good (rare non porn adoring) article from the Guardian questioning the popularity of choking women for sexual gratification.

The author makes the observation that it’s the perfect instrument of misogyny as it both hurts and silences women in one swoop.

www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2018/may/13/choking-women-me-too-breath-play

OP posts:
LikeAZombie · 13/05/2018 21:39

The link doesn't work but I'm guessing it will be to do with porn becoming more hard core and violent?
I saw a man's profile on tinder just yesterday. Nice photos and bio seemed fine until '....pizza and my hands around your neck.' I mean what the actual fuck? To be honest I'm glad he is advertising his sick fetish so sensible women can avoid him.
Men who like doing this are inherently dangerous to women.

Original poster
QuarksandLeptons · 13/05/2018 21:58

Clickable link www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2018/may/13/choking-women-me-too-breath-play

OP posts:
Original poster
QuarksandLeptons · 13/05/2018 22:00

Jaysus LikeAZombie that’s really dark. The fact that he feels so free to display his ‘interests’ certainly says something about how normalised hardcore porn has become

OP posts:
UpstartCrow · 13/05/2018 22:02

Abusers always escalate. I don't know how this is going to end. I started off protesting Page 3 and pin up calendars years ago, and did not predict that mainstream porn would end up with providing men with an easy get out of jail free card for murder.

nfkl · 13/05/2018 22:34

Also this one
Eric Schneiderman and the Meaning of Strangulation

LaSqrrl · 14/05/2018 00:08

And my mind goes straight to Graham Coutts, who murdered Jane Longhurst.

At his murder trial, Coutts confessed to a long-standing neck fetish and obsession with strangulation. His testimony, confirmed by other witnesses, stated that he had engaged in breath control play with several consenting partners on many occasions without incident over several years. He had spoken with his GP about his fixation and sought the help of a psychiatrist three years before the killing. Eventually, he started to access violent pornography on the Internet (especially simulated strangulation, rape and necrophilia). He had downloaded a collection of strangulation images the day before Jane's death. This, according to the prosecution, had caused his dangerous sexual behaviour and murderous intent. Critics of the prosecution's argument doubt this explanation, since the behaviour preceded the exposure to such pornography by about five years. No evidence of premeditation was presented to the jury.

TuTru · 14/05/2018 00:12

It’s abuse

LaSqrrl · 14/05/2018 00:14

Good article nfkl, the 'Meaning of Strangulation' one - so many key points, especially clarifying what 'choking' actually is, and used in a way to minimise strangulation. Attempted murder, not so sexy.

nfkl · 14/05/2018 08:52

Thanks LaSqrrl , I sadly know too much about the issue, hope it helps!

LaSqrrl · 14/05/2018 10:17

I survived it, but could have easily not. Probably the difference 30 seconds makes. I was certainly unconscious for a very long time.

AngryAttackKittens · 14/05/2018 10:31

Nice photos and bio seemed fine until '....pizza and my hands around your neck.'

There are regular red flags and then there are giant blinking neon signs that read NEVER BE ALONE WITH THIS MAN. What happened to Netflix and chill?

Incarnationsofunderstanding · 14/05/2018 10:32

Thank you for posting I am going to take the time to read through properly later. I'm not posting about this a lot at the moment despite needing the help but I was attacked on a 2nd date under the explanation of "kink" a short while ago and have struggled with the concept of compliance and guilt ever since.

Articles like those posted reinforce that compliance in such violent situations does not make the woman the one at fault due to misunderstanding "the game" (of which I have had no dealings before) but a victim of a mans probable fucked up overuse of BDSM porn and women as their playthings.

nfkl · 14/05/2018 11:08

LaSqrrl and Incarnationsofunderstanding we are sisters in pain and resilience then...

For me, it was not during sex. A man came behind me, put his arm under my neck in a lock and started choking and lifting me up in the air at the same time.

He didn t say a word until I passed out, making me think I would die.
When I woke up, I was naked down there. Never knew what happened in between and how long I was out cold either.

Tall order to process when you re 17 and know nothing of life.

I am so sorry and angry that is still happens.
I hope you get over this, Incarnations, and will heal quickly from that awful trauma.

LaSqrrl · 14/05/2018 11:26

I was attacked on a 2nd date under the explanation of "kink" a short while ago and have struggled with the concept of compliance and guilt ever since.

Not your fault. These predators are quite often 'into kink' as they call it (BDSM) and most of the dudes I have come across online, the big blinking neon signs of warning, as AAK said. Jane Longhurst was in the same boat. Sadly, she did not survive.

LaSqrrl · 14/05/2018 11:31

Never knew what happened in between and how long I was out cold either.

I know how weird it is waking up from that, especially not knowing how long you have been out for (but I know it was a minimum of five minutes, but could have been anything up to half an hour really).

The next day I could not breath. All the tissues in my neck were swollen. My GP did jackshit. I don't think I had much in the way of bruises either, except some very pale ones a few days later.

I do remember my last words to myself, after unsuccessfully struggling to get out of it "oh well, looks like this is it, I am going to die", then blackout. I should really think up better words for next time I think I am about to die, those ones, kinda suck.

LikeAZombie · 14/05/2018 21:27

Incarnation I'm so sorry that happened to you.
I guess the tinder guy who puts his red flags on show so proudly is actually less dangerous than the ones who play nice for a while. To me anyway because I would never be with anyone who wanted to choke me. That's what scared me the most really, this guy I definitely need to avoid but all the others you just never know.
I quite like some mild bondage in the confines of a safe and trusting relationship but strangulation just really sets my instincts on edge, the articles have helped me to understand why, reasons that I knew in my subconscious but have now been articulated.
That thread is just disgusting with so many people defending it.
Men who enjoy doing this are inherently dangerous to women.

Incarnationsofunderstanding · 14/05/2018 22:26

I need to stop reading the other thread, it's making me feel sick. They just don't get that it's the mainstream normalising of this shit that leads men from date 1 "aren't I nice I'm a bit dominant" to date 2 "let me beat you shitless, strangle you and choke you on my cock".

BDSM well researched and with trust built seems to me to be a very different thing (not that I have or have ever had ANY interest!)

Fuck I'm in for a bad night again tonight now. Gues that makes me a vanilla, prudish feminist Angry

AssignedPuuurfectAtBirth · 14/05/2018 22:32

I hid it this morning. I have never hidden a thread before.

I don't understand why @MNHQ will delete posts and entire threads for saying he instead of she but will let this stand.

AssignedPuuurfectAtBirth · 14/05/2018 22:32

I hid it this morning. I have never hidden a thread before.

I don't understand why @MNHQ will delete posts and entire threads for saying he instead of she but will let this stand.

LaSqrrl · 14/05/2018 23:25

I have to go out now, but I think it worthwhile to go in there and explain the realities. I read a bit of page 1, and some of the last page where critical comments were getting through.

Angryresister · 14/05/2018 23:34

A guy tried to do this to me when I was about 17. I managed to kick him off but couldn't believe someone could do this.... Never saw him again thank goodness.. Think I was lucky it wasn't worse.

LaSqrrl · 14/05/2018 23:49

Basically, I am calling in the Sanity Seagull Squad on this!
We cannot save those women already down the rabbit hole, who are brainwashed into 'this is sexy'. But we can potentially save women not into it, but might be tempted into it. That's your audience.

HotRocker · 14/05/2018 23:54

This is the second thing I’ve read this evening where a woman has described herself as being lucky for only being slightly choked, or raped in the other case.
What a disgusting sick fucked up world we live in if that’s lucky.

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