Is choosing to be a SAHM a feminist decision?

[user1471506568]

Ok so I'm a SAHM and would also strongly identify as a radical feminist although admittedly I still am learning about all of this. I understand that liberal feminism is more about the individual as opposed to the class movement so under that philosophy being a SAHM is an acceptable feminist decision but I'm confused about the rad fem stance.

I can see how from a financial perspective being a SAHM is a bit of a backward step for feminism, but this is such a narrow view and I don't think money is the only measure of worth . In fact it strikes me as an extremely patriarchal measure where the balance will always be tipped to men earning more due to women having children.

I would be really interested in people's views on this. Can I be a radical feminist and a SAHM or am I letting down the class movement?

NB: Please don't take this as negative judgement of any working mothers as I respect everyone's decision to do what's best for them.

Yes. Feminism is about 2 things: Securing opportunities for women in the workplace that were previously denied to them. And valuing the types of work that women have always done and recognising their very real contribution to history and society.

I think it's a bit of both unfortunately lounging. Taking care of your family is seen as more normal and acceptable a choice for women than for them to be the main earner or for men to stay at home. WOHM is actually made harder by this bias / expectation that women should and/or will step back.

And I don't think all this means you need to "hang up your feminist hat". In fact I think people who've been through this difficult decision process probably get it more than a 20 something career woman who still thinks we have equality 😆

I'm Back, and some interesting and thought provoking comments.

For me there is a fundamental difference between someone choosing to stay home and someone who has to stay home. When that person has no option due to either the child's health or finances. And that person staying should be the lower earner. Irrelevant of gender. Then yes, that's someone who has a valid opinion, because of forced circumstance.

When someone is able to work, when the joint combined salary will cover childcare, where the work is fully available, but they chose to stay at home as soon as they became a parent, that's the person I simply will not recognise as some form of radical feminist.

You can take the discussion on that subject with me when you've walked a mile in my shoes. But when you opted out through choice, never experienced it, then no, for me, you're not a radical feminist and your views will never be as valid as a woman who has worked and raised a child.

You can though have feminist views about child care. Except when you insist on calling it "woman's work". It's not woman's work. Not any more. I've never considered it women's work and I didn't raise my daughter to see it as women's work either. Calling it women's work is offensive. Both genders are capable of child care and other domestic duties.

@IWannaSeeHowItEnds I agree - the current corporate / capitalist setup is not conducive to good family life. It rewards extreme work "dedication" / focus both mentally and practically - and the reality is that a "proper career" person cannot have a family without someone else doing all the home stuff.

An SAHP has a financially dependent role. I would not want this for myself or as a role model for my daughters or sons. But if people are happy that's up to them. But it's all the trying to persuade people being financial dependant as an adult is some sort of praiseworthy position. I'd say it was not.

*Blunt&
"I've got to get ready and go for a dinner reception"

Of course you do. You get to wear a cocktail dress of a Tuesday evening. Just like every working mother.

While the SAHMs are wiping arses and worktops.

and the reality is that a "proper career" person cannot have a family without someone else doing all the home stuff

That's simply not true. My life proves you wrong.

As far as I remember, you have quite a few issues with radical feminists blunt?

Am I correct?

I agree - the current corporate / capitalist setup is not conducive to good family life. It rewards extreme work "dedication" / focus both mentally and practically - and the reality is that a "proper career" person cannot have a family without someone else doing all the home stuff.

This is spot on. And that’s why I wouldn’t and don’t support measures that reinforce this structure. I am 100% behind respecting SAHMs and understand completely how and why that can be the best set up for a family. I would not support incentives to push families towards the one person doing all the earning and the other doing everything else.

What would posters propose as a method of valuing child rearing?

You get to wear a cocktail dress of a Tuesday evening. Just like every working mother

I'm at a four day meeting in Europe. I have three evening receptions to attend, I wore a trouser suit, had two glasses of wine, my dinner, which was a buffet, socialised a bit, and am now back in my hotel room.

My daughter is twenty and in her last year of uni. What's your point? And why the old fashioned attitude, why the fuck would I wear a cocktail dress? It's not the 50s.

Assigned no, you're wrong I would consider myself one.

Bluntness, I honestly can't see the point in 2 people working full time and outsourcing childcare, if one of them wants to do it themselves and they can afford to.

@Bluntness100 I am not a million miles away from you on this but I disagree that there is an "either / or" in this situation. It isn't as simple as being "forced" to stay home or "having the option" to work. Many women find that the juice is simply not worth the squeeze. Should their health and well-being and their families also suffer because they should be "better feminists"?! I think if you are in a privileged situation then you can make incremental active choices to go against the stereotype but it's very few women who are actually able to do this without great cost..

on the other hand if we had no gender pay gap i think you might find that there were naturally more sahd , less bias in the work place and more real free choice for women and families

@Bluntness100 or you outsource it then.

Vivienne not praiseworthy in my view but also not inferior. Finances are just one aspect of life. I hope if your son or daughter choose to be a SAHP, you will support them in this decision if this is what will make them happy +assuming they had made adequate provision to be financially secure.

This has been a relatively nice thread with people being heard on both sides of the argument. I'm in agreement that SAHM isn't a feminist decision bluntness but I think you're being quite goady.

I wanna, I go back to my point at the beginning, the discussion the op asked for was not on value, it was "am I a radical feminist", my response was not on this specific issue, no I do not recognise her as one. Of course each family is different, of course if someone wishes to do it they should, of course the other parent should value it,,,as Long as that option is available to both parents when financially feasible and they both agree.

". I would not support incentives to push families towards the one person doing all the earning and the other doing everything else."

Totally agree

I'd like to see more fathers being expected to take leave and go PT so that women are less discriminated against - case in point being grilled about family plans the day I turned 30. No such questions to my DH or male colleagues. People automatically think women do all the time off and all the childcare and all the career sacrifices. I would like to see more people challenging that stereotype but it's the path of least resistance unfortunately especially as women tend to earn less.

Blunt
So just the one child then? Never had to juggle several children's needs, as well as having the cost of childcare for those children?

You clearly have a well paid job.

I guess a check out assistant at Morrisons is not a feminist if she chooses to SAH rather than haul her and her trouser suit to work every day when it costs more than she earns for childcare?

but I think you're being quite goady

And this is what I don't understand, why is it goady to say you can be a radical feminist but have compromised your values if you chose to stay home and you're not on the subject of equal pay and parents in the workplace etc. Quite simply you're not.

As a previous poster explained, you can be a liberal feminist on this issue, because that's about choice but you're not a radical feminist on this issue. Not in any way shape nor form.

Not inferior, but not a feminist decision in my view either user

Yep, I was a sahm for 25 years and I'm a feminist.
I chose this, not out of anything to do with available childcare, earning potential or anything else, other than I wanted to be with my children.

I don't think it's particularly praise worthy, but definitely not inferior to others that woh.
It's certainly recognised by the courts during divorce settlements. I've only ever heard of a sahm being left with less than half when the dh has manipulated the figures. This can happen to woh too.

Bluntness I agree with you, actually. The way you have been putting it across comes across goady. Not your opinion which is a valid one.

Assigned, yes I have one child through choice. Just as many have more than one through choice.

Yes I have a well paid job, I didn't particularly when I gave birth, and my view on child care cost is it should be split between both parents if it's a family unit and it's not the mothers sole responsibility.