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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Evidence of misandry on Feminist chat.

607 replies

UpstartCrow · 24/02/2018 23:11

The last few days, there have been several claims of misandry on Feminist Chat. Please post examples here using a link and screen shot.

Thank you.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
BloodyMarie · 25/02/2018 02:51

That post, was just talking about trying to demonstrate to men, how it is for women. Thats not man-hating

LassWiADelicateAir · 25/02/2018 02:52

Your point reminds me of the woman who is married to my husband's brother (long winded way of saying "sister-in- law" but I refuse to recognise any familial relationship with her or her husband) who thinks it is not offensive or racist to refer to English families as "white settlers".

Notwellbitch · 25/02/2018 02:54

That post, was just talking about trying to demonstrate to men, how it is for women. Thats not man-hating

Exactly. I'm not sure how anyone could get misandry from those comments. It's clear what the poster meant. Unless they are out to get one over on the feminists of course and spectacularly missed the point. Oops

KingHaggisIV · 25/02/2018 02:54

Couldn't find the sausagegate thread but found reference to it in another (admittedly pretty vitriolic) blog.

Not sure how to post images from my phone so am posting the link to the blog page - you'll need to scroll down to see the sausage post.

mumsnetsucks.wordpress.com/tag/misandry/

LassWiADelicateAir · 25/02/2018 02:56

I was replying to BitOfFun there are now posts between her post and my reply.

BloodyMarie · 25/02/2018 03:00

lass the parallel you draw is correct. Racism is not racism without power. It maybe prejudice, usually born out of a life time of experience, rather than the ignorance which gives rise to racism

AngryAttackKittens · 25/02/2018 03:03

So in conclusion, in this case the evil misandry that we're supposed to be keeping a watchful eye out for literally is just women talking about things that men do/have done to them?

Hmm
LassWiADelicateAir · 25/02/2018 03:04

You misunderstand my point BloodyMarie As far as I'm concerned the woman who is married to my husband's brother is a racist. In law her views are racist and as far as I'm concerned morally she is too.

LassWiADelicateAir · 25/02/2018 03:09

So in conclusion, in this case the evil misandry that we're supposed to be keeping a watchful eye out for literally is just women talking about things that men do/have done to them?

I don't know what has prompted this thread. I haven't seen any claims being made. I thought the little boy thread was nasty , goady and stupid (as were a couple of replies) but I said so on the thread. I didn't mention misandry.

KingHaggisIV · 25/02/2018 03:18

I do remember another recent one in which a poster told how her teenage son had been dragged across the room by his female classmates and they had pulled his trousers down and laughed at his small penis. This was, I think, in reference to posters on here casually penis shaming ("I bet he's got a small manhood" etc) and how it can be psychologically damaging. I remember other posters not being particularly kind to her, but can't really remember the thread that well. It was fairly recently but before I delurked.

KingHaggisIV · 25/02/2018 03:25

Hope I'm not coming across too MRA as a new member posting examples of misandry! Blush

I think it's likely an understandable but harmful byproduct of many women's negative experiences at the hands of men. I've lurked here for ages and find feminist discussion genuinely interesting but am put off by some of the anti male sentiment at times in all honesty. As a pretty easy going guy I find a lot of the male behaviour described on here as frankly quite alien, whilst not doubting for a second that it occurs.

swivelchair · 25/02/2018 06:42

I think I remember that thread Haggis, and it was roundly denounced as an unacceptable thing to do, and bullying - which seems to be your memory too.

I'm really not seeing widespread misogyny or manhating examples yet.

Do you have examples of this anti-male sentiment? Do you mean things like quoting stats which show men commit most violent crime? Or something less factually based?

Patodp · 25/02/2018 06:46

The only main topic in feminist chat in about 2 years.... is the Trans debate...

What seems to come up a lot in the Trans debate is how women believe we have the right to single sex spaces away from men.

Painstakingly inserting NAMALT along with every comment on male pattern behaviour can be tiring and easy to forget so I can only assume someone has said
"Men commit 80% of all violent crime and 98% of all sexual crime so we quite like spaces just for women" and forgot to put NAMALT at the beginning and end of that statement.
= misandry.

larrygrylls · 25/02/2018 06:58

You won’t find Misandry if you define it out of existence.

You say something vile about men, then say either ‘they have the power so it can’t be misandry’ or ‘I meant men as a class, not, you know, actual real men. Clearly you are too stupid to understand feminist analysis’. Or even ‘men have being saying/doing this to women for millennia so that makes a little light hearted teasing about setting genitalia alight fine’.

The FWR boards on this site have always reminded me of Animal Farm. Women who want to overthrow men in order to tell the majority of the remaining women how to behave and what is or is not ok to think and do in the new matriarchal paradise. And if you are not down with that you are a handmaiden to the patriarchy.

worita · 25/02/2018 07:07

I agree!

Look, please can we all just be a bit be nicer when we're talking about equality in general?

Just because there's one group of people who widely oppress another (whether intentionally or unintentionally), there's never any call to be rude or sarcastic or express frustration at them.

Not all men are like that. None of them are hateful, and nothing they do is either, and if you ever express any frustration or hint to the contrary, well really you demean and degrade the whole movement. Bang goes equal pay! Because user283646 said "I hate it when men rape women".

Our number one rule should be to "be nice", because you know what ... you just catch more flies with honey 🌼🤱🏻🙌❤️💕 #love #peace

BloodyMarie · 25/02/2018 07:15

Yes larry, op is aware that people think what you think and is so asking for examples....have you got any?

larrygrylls · 25/02/2018 07:20

I will go on a proper computer (on phone) and paste a few later. But do you accept that ‘men are rapists’ (unqualified) is misandrist, for instance. If not, you don’t really believe misandry exists, so the process is pointless.

BertrandRussell · 25/02/2018 07:34

If I was going to look for misandry I wouldn’t look on the feminist boards. I’d look on all the bits of Mumsnet where it seems to be taken as a given that men are completely incapable of looking after their children, cooking a meal, buying a birthday present, doing the washing, packing a suitcase or functioning as an independent adult.

Oh, and for the record, I don’t think all men are rapists. And neither does anyone else.

swivelchair · 25/02/2018 07:39

But do you accept that ‘men are rapists’ (unqualified) is misandrist,

Like that, all alone? Sure.

If we were talking about types of crimes committed though, putting it in context in a sentence, then saying 'women are shoplifters, men are rapists', it's a description of data, so not derogatory.

Patodp · 25/02/2018 07:39

Our number one rule should be to "be nice", because you know what ... you just catch more flies with honey

Grin

WTF.

Women, we're not doing our job of being nice properly and NAMALT NAMALT NAMALT

Grin

And larrygrylls has literally confirmed what I posted at 06:46.

Ladies, be sure to never point out male pattern violence or rates of sexual crime because = misandry.

Patodp · 25/02/2018 07:40

Oh, and for the record, I don’t think all men are rapists. And neither does anyone else
This has categorically never been said on MN.

Patodp · 25/02/2018 07:43

10th rule of misogyny
The worst thing about male violence is that it makes men look bad.

swivelchair · 25/02/2018 07:44

I must say that I think there's a very key difference between women fighting back, and men using it to oppress.

And I agree with Bertrand - the low-level "men don't see dirt" is clearly misandry, and yet that gets ignored by men, in preference for going after feminists calling them on their poor behaviour towards women. I wonder why that might be?

worita · 25/02/2018 07:49

Well, the top google search says that misandry "dislike of, contempt for, or ingrained prejudice against men (i.e. the male sex)."

So by definition it's misandrist when someone "dislikes men" for any reason. You can't pick and choose what counts as their reason.

(And I very obviously wasn't saying that all men rape, I can't believe you NAMALTed me in response!)

I actually wouldn't be surprised if some feminists (and non-feminists) "hate men". The moment you see the results of millennia of sexism all around you, it's hard to gaze at all the perpetrators with unblinking adoration. Add in some shitty experiences and I can easily see it turn to hatred, or something like it.

That said, the boards here don't seem rife with it. Any time there's the remotest hint then there's lots and lots of people taking it down, and sometimes more fuss about that than the issue being talked about.

We're very eager to never get it wrong because (sarcasm aside) any poor activity by one person gets reflected on to the movement, and people like you come along saying the entire board/movement is shit.

As an aside, I wonder if the same people would go on to a predominantly black forum advocating for rights, where some tired, angry person sick to the back teeth of racism writes in frustration "I hate white people". Would you type angrily "Your racism is appalling! You're putting me off as a white person! Not all white people are bad, you whitist."

I'm guessing usually not, you'd feel uncomfortable approaching a group you acknowledge to be oppressed. You'd think "something's made them that way, maybe someone's been really shitty, I can't judge". Even if you were a member of the same community, you might be cautious because you'd think you'd obviously had different experiences, and you could sympathise with the feeling of oppression they're expressing.

But women are just oh, so, so much easier to tell off. Especially because we're socialised to always be nice and reasonable and placate people.

BertrandRussell · 25/02/2018 07:50

“Our number one rule should be to "be nice", because you know what ... you just catch more flies with honey

I was assuming that worita was being sarcastic/ironic.......she was, wasn’t she?