What do you think of self proclaimed 'nice guys'?

[TitaniasCloset]

I have been messaging a self proclaimed nice guy recently because I'm trying to step outside of the box with relationships and try something different and go for a 'normal' bloke, outside of my religious group, and just different really, if you get me?

A few times recently I have noticed online he gets into arguments with feminists where he is trying his best to tell them what a nice guy he is even if it has nothing to do with the discussion. He keeps saying women don't go for the nice guys etc I put this down to hey, just not very bright, but what is your opinion on this?

He also briefly told me his ex was abusive to him and is a very angry person, and I have to say he does seem like a great dad.

I'm just not sure how to see all of this really. I wanted other women's perspectives. He is incredibly soppy and sentimental which I'm not sure how I'm going to deal with and also far more into me than I am him. But that's why I'm staying in touch, I want something different. Also I have been on my own for a really long time and have lost confidence in myself especially my sexuality, if that helps to know.

This sounds like an aibu or relationship thread, but it's the nice guy dynamic I want opinions on specifically and whatever else you want to chuck in there!

The nice guys, in my experience, don't have to tell you they're nice.

The one time someone told me that they're a nice guy turned out to be an emotional abuser and a misogynist.

I find 'nice guys' are actually very angry with women. They cannot accept that a woman might not want to go out with them or want to end a relationship.

I work with offenders and the one thing I can quote pretty much everyone will say is 'Im just being honest!

Yes. This is another line that kept popping out, even more than the 'I am a nice guy' comment.

I feel rather foolish that I fell into a trap, when the signs were very clearly there, and I didn't pick up on them at first.

Have also worked with offenders who constantly said they were just being honest and what nice guys they were. Another phrase we used to look out for was when someone sat down and began their sentence with, 'What it is, right...' You could then be 99.9% certain that whatever words came out next were utter bullshit designed to gain money or favours from you. This thread just reminded me!

I married a genuinely nice guy. He has never once needed or wanted to tell me how 'nice' he is. It is just obvious from the way he behaves, not just towards me, but with everyone.

If a man tells you that he is nice, then I would wonder why. It often seems to be said in disbelief that a woman won't go out with him. 'But I'm a nice guy'. That strikes me as such a feeling of entitlement. How dare she refuse? I'm a 'nice guy', so should therefore have access to any woman I choose.

The arguing with feminists online would concern me. That and the comment about women not going for nice guys. Sounds like he is not happy about the way women behave

I read that "negging" has arisen to counter nice guy aversion.

Ok couldn't remember what negging was

Found this

www.seductionscience.com/2010/negging-women/

Ugh

titania read up on incels/follow MUH men's rights activism on Facebook. Avoid him, he's a knob. At the very best you are going to have arguments about feminism with him and can you be arsed?
There are better men out there

That article.

“Your roots are showing".

As any writer knows: show, don't tell.

His words mean nothing. His actions are everything. If he has to tell people he's nice then I'm deeply cynical.

Reminds me of Facebook huns telling everyone 'I'm so compassionate, I hate bullies I do'. Usually said by the school bully.

See also 'he told me he hates lying and game playing in relationships'.

It is fine not to like him-he sounds quite off-putting to be honest. I think you know that already.

I think Lass and Trills really have a point. This is about me. I have form for this behaviour in the past. My friend once bought me a fridge magnet that said 'Life's too short to dance with ugly men' because I would give my time to men in the clubs we went too that she knew I wasn't interested in. Hmm, I need to have a think about this. My behaviour here and what I have posted isn't exactly 'nice'.

Thanks so much for all the comments and advice though, just read one link and it was so on point. Going to read some more of the links now. Since I started looking into feminism properly last year I have learned so much and I'm often amazed when I read a post or article and think that's me! That's me she is talking about!

In my experience, self proclaimed "nice guys" are almost as bad as self proclaimed "alfas". Any man who refers to himself as an Alfa, is a basic twat in my view .

"Nice guys" seem to be the type who have never hit a woman so think they're entitled to a supermodel. Of course there are genuinely nice guys out there, but they don't tend to go around telling everyone how fantastic they are.

I have always found the slf proclaimed nice guys to be whiny babies witha huge senseof entitlement. usually they complain of being friend zoned. but their usual modus operandii is to befriend you n the first place, and somehow they think that that then entitles them to sex at some point. Sorry but if you make out you want to be a friend then thats what you are goijmng to be. If you are sexually interested then let me know that from the start. Dont come in all false pretences and then get butt hurt because I dont recognise your nioce guy awesomness behind your deceitful approach

sorry bout the typos :( i wish you could edit your posts

I'm married to a really nice person. Not once in the 20 years I've known him, has he referred to himself as a nice guy.

Self proclaimed Nice Guys have a large cross over with self proclaimed “friend zoned” men. And we all know what arseholes they are...!

Or yeah, basically what meddie said!

I don't think it's "about you" as in saying that you have a problem.

I think it's "about you" in that only your opinion matters, when it comes to the question of whether you should date him or not.

My behaviour here and what I have posted isn't exactly 'nice'

Don't be unfair to yourself. I think it is quite clear you are not attracted to this bloke and there are good reasons not to be.

TitaniasCloset

Just remember where it is that you're asking this question. What response do you expect?

If you really want to give the guy a chance, then do.

If he makes you feel uncomfortable, and you're looking for assurance that dumping him is a reasonable action, then dump him.

The genuinely good men, nice men I know would never describe themselves as such, they - if pushed - would describe themselves as 'normal' 'nothing out of the ordinary' 'same as everyone else'.

They SHOW they are genuine good nice men in their actions. They are lovely kind thoughtful strong assertive feminist men.

The ones that DO describe themselves as 'nice' are arse holes!