Page 3 | People calling you love, sweetheart, etc.

Ineedagoodusername · 2017-08-09T07:13:42+00:00

This has annoyed me all my life and now at almost 40 it's still happening and I'm behind fed up. It's usually men. Anyone ever come up with a good retort? Got called sweetie by the fucking chef carving my meat in the carvery the other day. Was speechless! I'm short which seems to increase the likelihood of me being patronised.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 09/08/2017 19:35

I agree with those of you who say the context, tone and intent is important.

Cantseethewoods · 09/08/2017 19:42

I remember the first time I heard 'my lover'. I almost said 'I'm terribly sorry. I think you've mistaken me for someone else'

OlennasWimple · 09/08/2017 20:53

I grew up with "me lover", so dearie, chuck, or other similar terms tend to wash over me unless they are used in a condescending way, ("look love, I'll say it slowly so you can understand....")

I can't get upset about these terms being used in everyday conversation - in fact, I think the world would be a slightly poorer place without regional varieties of what everyone gets called by the woman on the check out or behind the bar

(I suspect that there is a bit of snobbery in some cases too, as it's predominantly a working class thing...)

chips4teaplease · 09/08/2017 21:00

I don't think anyone would dare. They might get a total overreaction called a cunt in return
I start by giving them a 'you are a cunt' look. Never go straight in with the cunt. Always fuss about the edges first.
If you see what I mean.

namechangejustforonethread · 09/08/2017 21:04

I call my kids "sweetheart" without fail. Saves me getting the wrong name! Plus it's endearing, plus they're small.

My ex used to call me and most other women "treacle" which used to drive me bonkers. He picked it up through nursing when he was trying to be friendly with the patients without actually remembering their names!

Original poster

Ineedagoodusername · 09/08/2017 21:21

I've been thinking on this. It is predominantly men I don't like it from hence why i put it in feminism topic. Coming from me especially as I'm short it always always feels patronising. And that's when I don't like it. Don't mind it too much from older women.

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Original poster

Ineedagoodusername · 09/08/2017 21:21

I meant coming from men not coming from me.

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SomeOtherFuckers · 09/08/2017 21:27

Sorry - I do this at work - usually 'love' or 'chicken' though ... and I am from Yorkshire so kind of everyone does it there.
I don't think id be able to stop I don't even think about it ....

SomeOtherFuckers · 09/08/2017 21:30

Similarly I don't really have anything else to call people - 'ma'am' is pronounced mam in my accent and that's a word for mum, I've been told madam is rude because it implies a prostitute and if I say 'miss' then people say they're not a miss because they're married ... so what do I say?
Men are easy because you just say 'sir'

IfNot · 09/08/2017 21:35

Sometimes men call other men love in Yorkshire. I call people I don't know love often. (I'm a woman). It's just friendly. Totally agree with "pal"though..that's fighting talk!

Puffpaw · 09/08/2017 21:39

I call the the perpetrator 'bunny' feminine enough and random enough to make men and women uncomfortable. Sometimes bunnybunbun if I'm feeling especially passive aggressive, topped off with saccharine smile.

Puffpaw · 09/08/2017 21:40

Men do not like being called bunny.

PollytheDolly · 09/08/2017 21:59

The first time I heard my DH call a man "love" I couldn't believe it. Lol. Getting used to it now I guess.

In Suffolk it's "buh".

Voice0fReason · 09/08/2017 22:00

It's a term of endearment and I have no problem with it in anything other than a professional setting, where I expect a higher level of formality.

Original poster

Ineedagoodusername · 09/08/2017 22:11

It's not a term of endearment when being used in a condescending way. It's putting you in your place term.

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LassWiTheDelicateAir · 09/08/2017 23:01

I grew up with "me lover", so dearie, chuck, or other similar terms tend to wash over me unless they are used in a condescending way, ("look love, I'll say it slowly so you can understand....")

I can't get upset about these terms being used in everyday conversation - in fact, I think the world would be a slightly poorer place without regional varieties of what everyone gets called by the woman on the check out or behind the bar

I agree with both of these points.

Violetparis · 09/08/2017 23:12

Don't mind it at all but I am northern and it's said all the time by women and men. I think if a man says it in a patronising way then he is the problem not the actual word 'love'.

elQuintoConyo · 09/08/2017 23:12

I only have experience of this when i lived in Lincoln. And I have an aunt from Scunthorpe who always says "me duck". I find it endearing.

Patronising men say all sorts of shite, it isn't just the love/flower/petal/pumpkin that they tack on the end that riles me.

soapboxqueen · 09/08/2017 23:48

If someone is going to be condescending, they don't need to resort to phrases like 'love' or 'hen' to do it. Any word can be patronising said in the right tone. Many of these phrases are local custom and are used for both men and women. They are just an informal way to address somebody when you don't know their name or even when you do but you just get into the habit of using that word. Hence why they shouldn't be used in a professional setting. I really can't get upset about people being friendly.

SummerKelly · 10/08/2017 07:43

Similarly I don't really have anything else to call people - 'ma'am' is pronounced mam in my accent and that's a word for mum, I've been told madam is rude because it implies a prostitute and if I say 'miss' then people say they're not a miss because they're married ... so what do I say?
Men are easy because you just say 'sir'

I think this illustrates why it's problematic, men get a respectful word, sir (although you could also say this in a sneering / condescending way) and women get a load of variations that are not particularly respectful or otherwise problematic. It's like the Mr / Mrs, Ms, Miss thing. I would ask why you have to call anyone anything if you know it has the potential to be annoying?

SoPassRemarkable · 10/08/2017 07:52

The instructor in the gym called a woman "love"in class the other day. She wasn't impressed and told him so. He seemed totally bewildered.

I was giggling. Doesn't bother me. Am middling to north geographically and "love" and "duck" are common.

I remember a southern male friend said the first time a male shopkeeper called him "love" he was really shocked and considered punching him!

MaisyPops · 10/08/2017 07:58

Another northerner here.

Fairly common innocuous phrase. I certainly wouldn't say it's patronising or sexist as it's used between and towards men and women.

Not everyone says it, possibly a class divide/area divides. People say it lost where I live but not where I work.

If someone said it in a patronising way then I'd pull them up or be a little abrupt but otherwise I don't care.

Eusebius · 10/08/2017 08:08

OP, totally agree with you. I the context you describe, I get it completely. It's rude and condescending. I'm also short and find it used a lot in a way to make you feel you're young and silly.

Older people and parents, relatives calling one love, fine. Anything else is being presumptuous. You Don't need a term of endearment to buy or sell a pair of shoes, a sausage roll etc. Hoping someone comes along with a good retort.

sandgrown · 10/08/2017 08:12

From Yorkshire. We used to have a hotel. DH said "thanks love" when giving a guest her change. (He used to say it to everybody) The husband got all uppity and said "she's not your love!"

Original poster

Ineedagoodusername · 10/08/2017 08:18

Eusebias that's interesting about being short isn't it. Maybe we just generally feel more patronised.

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