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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

People calling you love, sweetheart, etc.

128 replies

Ineedagoodusername · 09/08/2017 08:13

This has annoyed me all my life and now at almost 40 it's still happening and I'm behind fed up. It's usually men. Anyone ever come up with a good retort? Got called sweetie by the fucking chef carving my meat in the carvery the other day. Was speechless! I'm short which seems to increase the likelihood of me being patronised.

OP posts:

Original poster

Ineedagoodusername · 09/08/2017 09:42

I'm South West.

OP posts:

42RedBalloons · 09/08/2017 09:49

I don't mind it if I'm in the role of 'person being served in a shop'. If I'm at work and in the role of 'project engineer', it's a different matter and feels more patronising.

Emboo19 · 09/08/2017 09:51

Also from up north (North Yorkshire) so it's pretty common and I've no objection to it in a general, bus drivers, shop assistants, people on the street etc. But not in a professional capacity, particularly at work and by people who have seniority, also say a meeting at the bank or solicitors, but I've never had that happen.
My hairdresser calls me 'darling girl' but I've known him forever (he's my mum's friend) and he's lovely.

TheHiphopopotamus · 09/08/2017 09:54

But not in a professional capacity, particularly at work and by people who have seniority, also say a meeting at the bank or solicitors, but I've never had that happen

Completely agree with this. But I don't think that's ever happened to me either. I probably would find it patronising in that situation.

deydododatdodontdeydo · 09/08/2017 09:54

Also Yorkshire, but I was called "my lover" within about 1 minute of arriving in Bristol when I visited.

meatup · 09/08/2017 09:57

I like it. I don't really find it condensing - or would you find it condensing if you husband/family called you love/darling too?

meatup · 09/08/2017 09:58

Hahahha condensing! Condescending*

SentientCushion · 09/08/2017 10:04

I'm also from the north of England and everyone says love and pet and even hinny here too. It's just a dialect thing.

I hate it when older men call me darling though.

RhubardGin · 09/08/2017 10:05

Never bothers me and don't understand why woman get so het up about it.

I don't find it sexist, it's just a term of inderment and no harm is meant.

I just don't get easily offended by this kind of thing.

RhubardGin · 09/08/2017 10:06

*endearment

9toenails · 09/08/2017 10:07

I agree with TheHiphopopotamus: around here (north), it's more or less ubiquitous. I quite like it too, when I notice it, which really isn't often.

It's interesting how geography makes such difference to connotation, as well as to more obvious dialect difference. Another example: often, round here, people call strangers 'pal', as in 'You OK, pal?' - in concern at someone struggling with shopping bags on a bus, for instance. (Elsewhere, that's often 'mate' instead.) But other elsewheres, to call someone 'pal' is a sure sign of aggression.

I suppose we need to be sympathetic to place when considering the connotations of such verbal interactions. It would be a pity to lose the friendly northern 'how's it going, love?' because elsewhere 'love' is heard (and possibly intended) as a condescending mode of address. It might happen, though, as regional differences are smoothed over.

PenelopeFlintstone · 09/08/2017 10:12

It was normal and friendly growing up in East London too. I liked it when I was a kid and I still like it.

Youcanttaketheskyfromme · 09/08/2017 10:16

I'm in Yorkshire so it's different. The woman in the bakery calls everyone love. From young women to big manly workmen

Brighteyes27 · 09/08/2017 10:19

It really doesn't bother me as long as the tone isn't condescending. My in laws are from Yorkshire and often call me and others 'duck' or similar things in an affectionate way. It's almost part of the dialect in parts of Yorkshire and not at all meant as insulting.
Similarly I don't mind the door being held open for me and I will give up my seat on public transport to a heavily pregnant woman or a very elderly infirm looking person.
But I would get upset if either me or my children were unable to do something or were prevented from doing something because of our gender.

PenelopeFlintstone · 09/08/2017 10:22

I'm in Yorkshire so it's different. The woman in the bakery calls everyone love. From young women to big manly workmen
Isn't this normal everywhere in England anymore? It was in every place I lived, but it's been a while now. Is it all formal and unfriendly now?

TheHiphopopotamus · 09/08/2017 10:32

Is it all formal and unfriendly now?

Apparently so. To the point where if someone calls you 'love', you can respond by calling them a cunt

noeffingidea · 09/08/2017 10:32

It's normal in Essex. You normally get love, darling, babe(s), sweetheart, mate. It doesn't bother me in the slightest,it's just part of traditional working class language. I would kind of miss it if everyone stopped doing it.
In the northeast where I grew up you normally get called 'pet' and sometimes ''hinny' though that one might be dying out a bit now.

MamaHanji · 09/08/2017 10:35

I work in retail in a specialist shop with some very rich and sometimes rude customers.

It's ALWAYS the older, rich men that act like 'You. Serve me. You are here solely for my shopping needs.' No please or thank you. Take things off and just fling them at you and the hangers. And also call me darling, love, sweetheart, sunshine, sweetie. It makes me want to vomit.

I go back to work soon and I will be responding with 'No probs babycakes' or 'you're welcome lovebug.'

I'm expecting some looks.

Mislou · 09/08/2017 11:00

I like it. I don't hear it as live abroad now. It sounds friendly and I usually got it from older women . My aunties would say ' me duck' which is nice too. I don't know why it would be offensive, maybe if said in a condescending way?

bambambini · 09/08/2017 13:36

Depends in the tone. Some areas, its just more part if the language as well. I call a lot of boys, teensges "son". Its difficult not to.

Blanchefleur · 09/08/2017 13:48

I'm another northerner and it's also completely normal for me to hear shopkeepers etc addressing everyone as 'love'. It's just seen as a friendly greeting.

I would object if it was used in a condescending way in a professional capacity, but I can't recall that ever happening.

chips4teaplease · 09/08/2017 17:54

Everyone here (north of England) is 'love' and it's used by and to men and women alike.
Incorrect. I am in the north. I call no-one 'love'. I don't expect anyone to call me 'love'.

PollytheDolly · 09/08/2017 18:10

Chips
I've moved up north and wish there were more like you.

My DH is banned from calling me "love" or "sweet"

I know most do it here but it's not the done thing where I come from and I don't really like it. I don't say 'owt up here though.

TheHiphopopotamus · 09/08/2017 18:58

I am in the north. I call no-one 'love'. I don't expect anyone to call me 'love'

I don't think anyone would dare. They might get a total overreaction called a cunt in return

buggerthebotox · 09/08/2017 19:02

I've noticed this in shops in my local city centre. It's a recent thing, and I think it must be some kind of management intervention. I don't mind it, but I'm convinced it's false. Like M and S used to do that "thank you for waiting" thing even if you'd been served straight away.

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