Should I complain to the school?

[junerat]

My DD4 is due to start school in September. It is a brand new school - her year will be the first ever reception class, and I'm really excited about helping to "build the ethos" of a whole new school. I really, very much want to be an active part of her school community, not just someone who moans!

I am also very sensitive to feminist issues, and my DD is too - she will always notice when there aren't enough female characters in a book, for example.

We have just been sent the induction packs for her new school. They have a house system, with the four houses named after local famous historical figures. Every single one of the four houses is named after a man.

I sort of understand (but still hate) it when a school has been established for x number of years and has a patriarchal system, but this a brand new school, and they seem not to have taken the opportunity to start off on an equal footing.

When I met the headmaster, I mentioned to him that the "girls' uniform" didn't include trousers, was my daughter welcome to wear them? He was fine and flexible with this, so I do think he's a reasonable person. Though it is a part of an academy trust, so very, very likely not his decision re: house names.

It may be too late to change the names of the houses (literature has already been printed), but if it is an academy trust, could speaking up stop this from happening at the next school that opens?

My husband thinks I'm talking absolute nonsense and it's a total non-issue, but I hate that my daughter will see four male "role models" as the pillars of the school, and not even a nod to the (very eminent) female historical figures from this area.

I categorically do not want to forge a poor relationship with this school though and do not want to become "that parent". Any thoughts?

Yeah, my DD has been on a few things for budding engineers where girls from other (mixed) sixth forms have been gobsmacked by the number of girls in her physics class. Though its still not that many ... but more do further maths and the most populous subjects are maths and chemistry.

The main problem with all girls schools is, perhaps, 'what about the boyz'... although recent research suggests they too do better academic in single sex schools (though only marginally), I'm not sure whether it's good for their socialisation.

No reply from the school yesterday, but I appreciate that he probably wants time to formulate his response, plus this is probably item 999 on his list of things to do, with the school not even physically built yet...

Will keep you all posted.

junerat

he's probably having to consult umpteen other people to make sure he doesn't say the wrong thing.

As a matter of interest, the town that this school is in doesn't begin with B, does it?

@Datun Nope, not B. Well, actually the suburb starts with B, but not the town itself. Happy to take this to PM if you want!

OK. I'll message you.

Just wanted to update. I still haven't heard anything from the school, although I have a transition day with my daughter tomorrow. I suspect the headteacher may use this opportunity to speak to me. I will, however, have my youngest with me. As she's a toddler, it's not going to be a great time for a conversation, but there you go.

I'm also a lot better when I have time to reflect with the written word, than the spoken.

I'm also a lot better when I have time to reflect with the written word, than the spoken.

I've found it helpful (albeit time-consuming and possibly a touch weird) to go through possible conversation points in my head, and have some prepared responses - otherwise I often fall over my words, or kick myself for forgetting some important point.

junerat

If the head intends to catch you on the hop, when you cannot devote your full attention to what he's saying, I would decline the conversation.

I know you want to keep relationships cordial, but this, to me would just be another example of sexism.

I might be tempted to think beforehand of a decent sentence to defer the conversation to a time when it's convenient to you both, not just him.

Just read this thread

Wanted to say that on Florence Nightingale

You need to say to the Head

" I am so pleased that the children will be learning about The Lady with the Hammer" and smile sweetly.

florence nightingale

Great Nightingale info, thank you!

Just realised I'm a day ahead of myself and I won't see the head until Thursday, but will take on board trying to defer the conversation if needs be. To be fair to him - if he is indeed planning on talking to me - he would have no way of knowing that my youngest is going to be with me, so I don't think it would be a deliberate "let's make it difficult to have a proper conversation" tactic.

Just wanted to update on this (as I'm sure you're all on the edge of your seats). The head didn't speak to me on the transition day, but it was very hectic.

We had a school picnic today, which was lovely, and once again, he didn't speak to me about it, so I am assuming that as far as he's concerned, he's said his piece, and I've said mine, and he doesn't see a further need to reply to my email. We said a quick hello and goodbye, but neither of us raised the topic.

I mentioned the issue to another mother who attends the same playgroup we go to, and she said today that having thought about it, she also feels strongly that it's wrong not to include any women, so she will also drop a quick email to him in a few days. I'm obviously not going to chase her up on this - it needs to be her call, but would be great to get more voices supporting it. I just hope he doesn't think I'm orchestrating some sort of campaign behind his back, which genuinely isn't the case.

Anyway, no exciting resolution, but was conscious I hadn't updated when I'd promised to.

junerat

It's a bit out of order that he hasn't replied to your email. And I hope that the other mother does write.

Perhaps he's still taking advice from colleagues?

I just wanted to give an update on this, though I do need to be a bit cagey, as I very much want to stay anonymous.

As a new school, a few of us were invited to give the Dept of Education visitor some feedback on the school. I mentioned this issue, and another parent agreed with me. It was subsequently reported to the governors as an issue to be looked at.

So far, so good, and some progress.

However, the way they have addressed this is by asking the parents in a survey a yes/no question, "Should we change the house names?" with no context around it. I would be astonished if anyone other than me and one other person clicked yes because 99% of people don't care, and the other 1% are very traditional.

Even my own daughter was upset at the thought at first of her house name possibly changing, as she understandably feels loyalty towards her house which she has been in for an academic year now.

The head is very open minded (I think) but also very swayed by parents' opinion. He did raise the issue that if they represented women, then could it be seen as not representing gay, disabled, different ethnicities etc.?

I want to raise with the school that I don't think they've gone the best way about this - surely a school should be setting themselves up as thought leaders, rather than going on popular opinion. I have a decent relationship with the head, so would be happy to talk to him face to face, but there is so much I want to say, that I'm wondering if an email might be better, so I don't end up gabbling about tokenism, non-feminist parents and so on.

We live in an area with a high pupil premium and a lot of parents who "don't care" - if they don't care enough to take time to do reading/homework with their children, I'm 100% sure they don't give a tiny shit about gender stereotypes and how to smash them.

Any advice re: way forward would be really appreciated, otherwise I think the response is going to be, "Following feedback that some parents felt that the house names needed to reflect women, we asked parents the question and 92% of parents feel strongly house names should stay the same".

(This isn’t very helpful to the thread, but ‘You can't be what you can't see’ is nonsense and I wish people would stop saying it.)

@hipsterfun In what way? I mean yes, at a detail level it's true (it's possible to become an accountant without ever having met one) but I think it's broadly true if girls never see a female firefighter they are less likely to want to become one.

I missed this thread when it started but just wanted to say you absolutely did the right thing raising it and I'm sorry you've had a less than satisfactory outcome.

I think the school are seriously underplaying this. It's a new school FFS starting with a fresh template, the fact they made no real attempt to factor equality into house names is shocking. If they really couldn't be bothered to find some inspirational women they could have gone for inanimate objects instead like local landmarks.

I'm incredibly annoyed now having read this thread (not your fault op).

On a more positive note this is something you can talk to your daughter about when she is a little older and explain how you tried to change things. Maybe she will do an assembly piece on it one day, especially if the head moves on - male academy heads tend to move about a lot in my experience.

Firstly, what about the pioneers? Thatcher (I know), Obama. Dany Cotton. They became what they couldn’t see.

Secondly, it suggests the need to have a representative in every role of every identity, or combination thereof, that can be imagined in order for others to follow. But how can anyone follow if nobody has been able to go first because they had nobody to follow?

Thirdly, what do you need to be able to ‘see’ anyway? What does it mean and why is it important? It seems to me to narrow things down to identities rather than interests, aptitude etc.

Bottom line: thought-limiting, meme-y oversimplification.

(I’m grumpy today, sorry )

hipsterfun have you ever heard that other old adage, "the exception proves the rule".

50% of the population are being lumped in with genuine minorities and have to give way to them?

Well done, OP, I have just read this thread and thank heavens for people like you. Unfortunately your headmaster's reply to you is mealy-mouthed at best. He reminds me of the headmaster in Lindsay Anderson's "If" saying "boys, boys, I understand you" before he is shot.

You're absolutely doing the right thing. I think it's pretty poor to have four houses all named after men, for goodness sake. It's easy to find women, even local women who have contributed and deserve honouring in such a way. Maybe find some unknown woman that did something amazing!

Thank you all for your responses. I am now wondering the best way to push back against the (to my mind) poorly-worded questionnaire, which is totally not the right way of going about this.

I did like a suggestion upthread of double-barrelling all the houses, so that each house had a male and a female representative.

I just want to make sure I'm prepared so that when I get the answer "92% of parents don't want house names changed" I have somewhere to go with this.

Thanks for the update - I remember the thread from last year

Is the questionnaire a done deal?

Yes, it has already gone to parents, though results aren't in yet.

Well done for this, junerat. So many ways that women's achievements are marginalised. If not local people, why not four women scientists or composers? It shows a very narrow approach.

I think you should write now requesting a meeting with the CoG.

You should point out - in your letter - that the survey is shit and won't prove anything. You should also point out that - while representing g everyone is a laudible aim - only x% of the population is BAME, x% disabled etc so a cohort of 4 would possibly not be expected to represent those minorities. Hence the word 'minorities'. (Although one person of colour would be useful would they not? And would 'Stephen Hawkins House' be awful?)

But 51% of the population is female so at least two houses should have women. Provide a list maybe. He seems a bit hard of thinking. Even if he is prepared to let girls wear trousers in 2018

And are we really arguing that people don't need to be represented because a black guy and a woman once got elected to something? Give me strength.