Should I complain to the school?

[junerat]

My DD4 is due to start school in September. It is a brand new school - her year will be the first ever reception class, and I'm really excited about helping to "build the ethos" of a whole new school. I really, very much want to be an active part of her school community, not just someone who moans!

I am also very sensitive to feminist issues, and my DD is too - she will always notice when there aren't enough female characters in a book, for example.

We have just been sent the induction packs for her new school. They have a house system, with the four houses named after local famous historical figures. Every single one of the four houses is named after a man.

I sort of understand (but still hate) it when a school has been established for x number of years and has a patriarchal system, but this a brand new school, and they seem not to have taken the opportunity to start off on an equal footing.

When I met the headmaster, I mentioned to him that the "girls' uniform" didn't include trousers, was my daughter welcome to wear them? He was fine and flexible with this, so I do think he's a reasonable person. Though it is a part of an academy trust, so very, very likely not his decision re: house names.

It may be too late to change the names of the houses (literature has already been printed), but if it is an academy trust, could speaking up stop this from happening at the next school that opens?

My husband thinks I'm talking absolute nonsense and it's a total non-issue, but I hate that my daughter will see four male "role models" as the pillars of the school, and not even a nod to the (very eminent) female historical figures from this area.

I categorically do not want to forge a poor relationship with this school though and do not want to become "that parent". Any thoughts?

WellErrr

Ha! It's a lot easier to tweak someone else's creative offering than it is to come up with one myself!

@KatherinaMinola We wouldn't turn down a school place based on this. The other local option is a faith school where the head has already told me that boys and girls play differently, so they have an outdoor space for the boys' boisterous play! Unsurprisingly, gender inequality came up in their very recent Ofsted Inadequate report.

From speaking with my friends, most of them seem to have a story or two not dissimilar to this. I just hope I don't feel beholden to fight battles all the time, otherwise it will indeed be exhausting!

Unsurprisingly, gender inequality came up in their very recent Ofsted Inadequate report.

That's interesting. And a sentence could be very effectively leveraged in your letter.

@Datun It was specifically to do with different expectations of work (boys being allowed to get away with scruffier work and more "robust" behaviour than girls) rather than ambitions per se, but I do take your point.

Take out the apology (the storm in a teacup sentence). And take out "moaning" at the end. I would end it "in all school decisions, and any unconscious bias avoided"

Oh, and change this" is a shame this could not have been done to include one, or both women (or indeed others) to provide a more balanced house system" to something like "it is a shame that this could not have been done to ensure fair representation of women"

junerat

Yes, I can see that the criteria is different. But it would be very useful to point out that OFSTED is looking out for gender inequality.

...as Ofsted have recently pointed out... and then insert whatever wording you can get hold of from their report on the other school.

You might have to bury it someone in the letter to slightly minimise it, as even mentioning ofsted will seem like a veiled threat, I should imagine.

@Datun Completely agree - if I was looking to "win at any cost", then yes, I would consider local papers and dropping Ofsted's name like a hot potato. But I genuinely want to forge a good relationship with the head, and I think you're spot on - it would be hard to even mention it without sounding like I was threatening something - similarly if I mentioned governors.

Realistically, I think it is extremely unlikely they will change the house names (if I were in the head's unfortunate position, I would be wary of being "pushed" into something by a parent, as it sets a precedent), but I do want to do what I can to show I'm not delighted with the decision, illustrate why, and offer my help for the future.

Of course I understand reluctance to change house names once they have been communicated to parents, but I would relish any opportunity to work with the school in future

Replace relish with welcome.

Otherwise it sounds like you are licking your lips in zealot like anticipation. Which I'm sure you are! As are we all!

Sorry, OP. We're all jumping on your letter.

It's an excellent letter. From the first draft.

After reading many of these threads lately, I wish I could start over and open a feminist based school.

I can't help thinking it would be awesome.

Yes I agree with not alienating the school.

It's almost a feminist tag line, isn't it?

Discussion, not division.

Thank you all, email sent, with many of your amendments included (particularly, removing the apologies - an ingrained "female" habit picked up from the patriarchy no doubt!).

@Datun, sign my kids up for your feminist school. I always wanted to open an atheist faith school, just to mess with things, but it absolutely could be both. Let's do it!

Let's do it!

All the recruiting would be from mumsnet. Can you imagine?

Do let us know how your email is received. And well done for making a stand.

I think it's great that you're drawing attention to this.

I just want to reiterate what someone said upthread about being wary of Stonewall (and I am a lesbian). They currently have very rigid definitions of gender (anyone who doesn't fit the stereotype for their sex must be trans) that you'll probably want to counter with your DD.

Get rid of the first paragraph. The rest is ok.

After reading many of these threads lately, I wish I could start over and open a feminist based school.

This would be fantastic. There may be trouble if I'm not made Head Girl though.

junerat I think you're challenging this excellently and setting a great example to your daughter too.

This would be fantastic. There may be trouble if I'm not made Head Girl though.

It wouldn't enter my head to ask anyone else - I'd never hear the end of it!

I am relieved to have my position confirmed and will call off the protests

I would have suggested that all houses become double barrelled rather than separate out the males and females - so Lovelace Turing or Blyton Morpugo for example.

I've also read recently about a kickstarter project to write a storybook with real women inspiring examples from cleopatra to malala. They didn't raise normal funding for it as the male investors didn't get it but raised a huge amount on kickstarter and it's done really well so they are now going to write volume 2. It's called Good Night Stories for Rebel Girls - worth checking out and some of the articles about it as the authors have written it coming from exactly the same place that has made you upset by the lack of female house names.

Next time you talk to the head (!) you could maybe drop into conversation that you were upset not only by the initial #everydaysexism when naming the houses but you were worried that there was such a casual dismissal of it, a lack of understanding of the importance of this, and a willibgness to make illogical arguments to ensure that there was absolutely no way that they would consider doing anything to rectify the problem despite knowing it was going to have negative effects on half the school while perpetuating the problem in the other half of the pupils -and that you had really thought he was better than that, it's disappointing that the doesn't have the moral fortitude to step up and provide a great learning environment for all his students...

On a more practical note - do you know any of the other parents of dc starting at the school? Might be worth talking to them and seeing if they would write in to raise the issue with the head - so he can't fob you off and say you are the only one that has an issue with this.

Oh and I woyld definitely pull him up on the illogicality of his arguments when he accepts men for reasons that he rejects women. Definitely not on and definitely done on purpose. [Rant over]

That's a brilliant follow-up email, junerat, and I agree that the various suggested tweaks strengthen it even further. Personally I don't think mentioning Ofsted needs to be perceived as a threat at all - just strengthening your position by pointing out that others, including one of the most influential bodies in UK education, share your views on the importance of sex equality in schools.

I'd love to see the school do the brave and decent thing and change their minds on this before it goes any further. If they handled it right, it could actually refelect very well on them.

if I were in the head's unfortunate position, I would be wary of being "pushed" into something by a parent, as it sets a precedent

I don't agree with this at all. I try to be open to feedback (not always easy, I know) and can think of a few times I've permanently changed my way of working in response to it - or in response to a lightbulb moment that someone's triggered in me. I think having a "listening" attitude is particularly important in a headteacher. It doesn't mean you have to be blown about by every breeze but you should ask yourself "does this person have a point?"

At the first meeting of his MA, DH pulled the convenor up on the fact that all the people they were going to study were male and white. The convenor blushed, stammered, said he hadn't noticed - and had it sorted by the next seminar. He and DH are still in touch ten years later .

Not everyone is entrenched in their attitudes (although on the evidence so far it does look like your HT is).

That's the beauty of the free school programme: literally anyone can apply to open up any sort of school...

Sign DD up for the feminist school please, she'd love it.

We're currently looking at secondary schools and she's currently in favour of the all girls schools. when I asked her why, she said that when she went round them, the girls schools were covered in feminist posters, and the mixed schools weren't. She's not wrong, either.

It's great your daughter has found schools she loves the look of and have feminist posters up chopchopchop! I go to a girls' school and love it. We have a thriving Feminist Society and it's a wonderful place to be educated; year groups all support one another, former pupils come back regularly to speak of their career paths and there's a strong feeling of camaraderie which transcends age groups. I know a few girls at other girls' schools who speak similarly of theirs and am sure your daughter will love hers when she starts secondary school. It's also fantastic she's noticing features such as feminist posters and seeing them as being an important factor in her decision.

On another note I do think it's a shame such posters and sentiment is seemingly not as prevalent at mixed schools though. Ideally I'd like single sex education not to be preferable for these reasons one day.

I'm getting more and more convinced that sex segregated schools is of great benefit to girls.

The stats on how many girls take A Level physics in single sex girls vs mixed schools are insane, it's four times as many. That alone is enough to convince me.