Should I complain to the school?

[junerat]

My DD4 is due to start school in September. It is a brand new school - her year will be the first ever reception class, and I'm really excited about helping to "build the ethos" of a whole new school. I really, very much want to be an active part of her school community, not just someone who moans!

I am also very sensitive to feminist issues, and my DD is too - she will always notice when there aren't enough female characters in a book, for example.

We have just been sent the induction packs for her new school. They have a house system, with the four houses named after local famous historical figures. Every single one of the four houses is named after a man.

I sort of understand (but still hate) it when a school has been established for x number of years and has a patriarchal system, but this a brand new school, and they seem not to have taken the opportunity to start off on an equal footing.

When I met the headmaster, I mentioned to him that the "girls' uniform" didn't include trousers, was my daughter welcome to wear them? He was fine and flexible with this, so I do think he's a reasonable person. Though it is a part of an academy trust, so very, very likely not his decision re: house names.

It may be too late to change the names of the houses (literature has already been printed), but if it is an academy trust, could speaking up stop this from happening at the next school that opens?

My husband thinks I'm talking absolute nonsense and it's a total non-issue, but I hate that my daughter will see four male "role models" as the pillars of the school, and not even a nod to the (very eminent) female historical figures from this area.

I categorically do not want to forge a poor relationship with this school though and do not want to become "that parent". Any thoughts?

Thank you all - edits much appreciated. I have had a very positive dialogue with the school so far, so don't want to go full-on rage before DD has even set foot through the door (though simmering inside).

To clarify on the uniform - trousers were an option for girls' winter uniform, but only dresses were listed for the summer. I asked if girls could wear shorts like the boys and was told yes, if DD wanted to. She has previously been a dress-refuser, who just this week (typically) has now expressed a desire for skirts.

I suspect the academy trust will get a copy of the email anyway, as we're currently emailing a business office rather than the school itself per se, until the school opens.

No full on rage necessary, of course. But don't give them the opportunity to weasel. "Thank you so much for your email - we will certainly consider your points carefully. Can I thank you for your continued interest in the school- I am very much looking forward to meeting Esmarelda in September"

Email sent. Feeling nervous like I'm going to be summoned to the head's office.

I hate that I feel like I'm making a mountain out of a molehill and/or starting off on a sour note.

"I hate that I feel like I'm making a mountain out of a molehill and/or starting off on a sour note"

It's not a molehill- it is a mountain. And they really need to know that they've screwed up on this because you won't be the only one to challenge them. Think of it as doing them a favour!

Well done. It will be fine. It's a legitimate point, politely made.

Fwiw, I liked the tone in your original email. Well done for doing something about this. Even if they can't change the house names, they might take more notice of their own unconscious bias the next time something comes up.

Slight derail, but why do some schools still insist that girls wear skirts, not trousers? We are considering a private secondary for DD and this really puts me off. Only 6th formers allowed to wear trousers. If we go down that route, I think I'll be 'that parent' and start a petition.

Slight derail, but why do some schools still insist that girls wear skirts, not trousers?

Because there's still people who will send their daughters to such schools. They should be boycotted. Or, really, sued. Isn't sexism illegal in the UK?

@Mycarsmellsoflavender My private girls' school not only insisted that all pupils right up to and including 6th form wore skirts but all female teachers had to as well!

I still remember the day one brave history teacher broke ranks and came in wearing a trouser suit. Other staff swiftly followed. This was the late 1990s!

Well done for challenging this, OP. You're definitely not over-reacting - this stuff is important. Not sure what your final email said, but I'd definitely make a clear request that they have two male and two female house names - especially if there are two obvious local female historical figures to go with.

You may choose not to pick up this fight at the same time, but re the uniform, more enlightened schools are these days just going for a single list of possible uniform components, rather than feeling the need for separate girls' and boys' uniforms.

Finally, if it's a new school being set up by an existing multi-academy trust, it might be worth exploring the websites of the MAT and its current schools to get a feel for the politics. Some MATs are quite controlling, with decisions like uniform policies and house names made centrally. Many others leave these decisions to individual schools.

Our house names were recently changed to be more up to date and relevant (and less sexist). I'm sure the Head would be amenable to suggestions.

Sorry, just seen you have emailed. Good luck!

Well done for challenging junerat and you're absolutely right to - I hope you get a positive response from the school and let us know what they say. I think it says a lot about attitudes; those who chose the figures to name the houses after are almost certainly not sexist themselves nor would they want to limit girls at the school, but unthinkingly defaulted to picking male figures from the local area when there were women from your area alone who could have been picked. This kind of thing is extremely important and for girls (and boys) to see only men as people houses were named after is potentially damaging and could ingrain in them the notion only men achieve such status. It's also probably part of what leads to this kind of thing: www.theguardian.com/education/2017/jan/26/girls-believe-brilliance-is-a-male-trait-research-into-gender-stereotypes-shows

On uniforms I completely agree it's ridiculous some schools still insist on skirts for girls. On the plus side the private girls' school I attend doesn't and has no dress code at all in the 6th form. I also know of other girls' schools friends attend one of which has no uniform or dress code at any age and another which is the same as mine. However, I do know of schools which insist on skirts for girls.

Thanks all. I do wonder if I had posted this in "Chat" instead of "Feminism" whether I would have had the same supportive response, or whether I would have got a lot of "first world problems", "oh, you're that parent", "pick your battles" etc. etc.

I agree with "pick your battles", but it's heartening to hear that most of you consider this a battle worth picking.

My husband thinks I'm talking absolute nonsense and it's a total non-issue

Easy for him to say when he has lived his whole life seeing his sex being depicted as leaders and authority figures. Show him the study about girls feeling inferior from the age of 6. Where does he think they learn those attitudes?

Well done for saying something OP - it's depressing that you had to.

I will absolutely update you when I get a reply from the school. They normally reply almost immediately, so the fact I haven't had a reply today suggests they are giving it some thought, which is good.

Good luck! What did you send?

And who are the houses named after, out of interest?

@WellErrr, I don't want to be too outing, so you'll forgive me for dodging your question slightly, but basically: Victorian politician; author; sportsperson; inventor. Two of them extremely well-known, and the other two a bit more obscure.

I sent an email which was somewhere between my original missive and the slightly more strident versions suggested here.

Good on you, OP. I think you have raised a bloody good point with them.

Absolutely shinynewusername. It's quite disheartening junerat's husband was so dismissive of her concerns - not only to tell her she's talking nonsense but a lack of concern for the messages this could send to their daughter as well (not that it should take having a daughter for sexism to bother men). It's fantastic their daughter is far more aware of these issues and is already noticing and challenging sexism!

I agree re: DH. It's not an issue to him quite simply because it literally isn't an issue for him.

His point was that the houses will simply just be meaningless names to the children, and he may be right, but I'm sure one day down the line they will have an assembly about who these notable figures were and how having a penis made them more important than - say - a local woman who was, barring Rowling, probably the most successful children's author of all time. Just as an example.

His point was that the houses will simply just be meaningless names to the children

Maybe to most at first and to some throughout but certainly not to all - your daughter is already showing it's unlikely to be the case to her given she notices lack of female characters in books. I also expect the school may have information on the people the houses were named after which as you say may be discussed in assembly one day; even if they're not aware of it many children will probably take in the message that all who were deemed impressive enough were men. This would be bad enough anyway but is even worse when they had such notable local women to select.

Even the houses at my brothers' school being named letters of the alphabet isn't as bad

I had a reply from the head. I have altered a few very minor details because I do really like this headmaster, and I would hate for this to be identifiable in any way - I just wanted to bounce it off you wise women.

My initial thoughts are that it's great he's taken the time to construct a meaningful reply, but I agree with a PP who said if you can't find diversity within a category - change the category!

As ever, your thoughts are welcomed.

Good Morning Junerat,

I am pleased you’ve had a good chance to look through the prospectus and for mentioning about the House names. As I said on , I would rather parents come to me with any queries or feedback they have so that I could act upon it or explain the reasons for our decisions rather than continuing to be frustrated or feeling not heard.

As a staff, we did spend a great deal of time discussing our House system. What was important to us was the significance of the individual being someone who was born or strongly associated with who perhaps children may not well know, giving us an opportunity to introduce the children to four different people who have become famous in their own ways. One of our immediate thoughts was to have a came from . We wanted to select people who may be those less-less known or recognised from . Whilst himself was in fact born in , his significance in is prominent for .

It was never our intention, and never would be, to only choose male House names. We did look extensively to see if we could choose a female person from , but our options were very limited. With this in mind and without wanting to be tokenistic, we chose our Houses we have and these will remain as they have now been communicated. We hope that the range of backgrounds the people are from will inspire the children irrespective of their gender, or indeed race or sexuality. What we hope the Houses will offer is the opportunity to explore how someone became a famous author, a politician, an athlete or an inventor! These can then lead us into other followers in this field – for example, looking at the impact of our first female Prime Minister and our current one, and looking at famous children’s authors such as J.K. Rowling

At , we want to pride ourselves as an inclusive school and equal opportunities will be seen in many ways throughout our curriculum; for example our Year Two children will learn about the significance of Florence Nightingale and Mary Seacole, both important women in history who helped others in times of war. We will also be championing the work of Stonewall in our academy so that all our children recognise that every family is different in its make-up, and that there is no ‘normal’ family set up. Our British Values, which underpin our curriculum as required by the statutory guidance to which we must follow also makes clear how we must show and teach the children acceptance of those of different faiths, beliefs and backgrounds and how we have the value of individual liberty and freedom. We are confident that our curriculum will give a clear message to our children about the equal opportunities that exist both at and in the wider world.

I think you make a really salient point about the valuing of other female contributors locally, and we will certainly take this into consideration when we look at other celebrations and recognitions.

Once again, thank you for taking the time to raise the point and we look forward to meeting you and DD again next week.

Best regards,
Headteacher

The reasoning is inconsistent. They couldn't choose women because there weren't any suitable (in their opinion) that met the criteria of being born in your county. But they could choose the prominent man who wasn't born in the county, because he was particularly relevant in their opinion. So what was stopping them choosing the prominent women that you mentioned, given that a particular prominence is sufficient to override the birthplace criteria for men?

And indeed, as you mentioned, change the category if it's so narrow as to exclude all women! Clearly including women is a lesser concern to them than being able to stick to their self-defined category.

It's a nice long reply, but it basically boils down to "we chose the men we wanted, we think that's fine and we're not going to change it. Here are some crumbs about women on the curriculum to make you feel better."

This bit is just laughable: "It was never our intention, and never would be, to only choose male House names. " But that's exactly what they did!

Well they're after local historical figures so maybe theyre aren't any female ones local to you?