Should I complain to the school?

[junerat]

My DD4 is due to start school in September. It is a brand new school - her year will be the first ever reception class, and I'm really excited about helping to "build the ethos" of a whole new school. I really, very much want to be an active part of her school community, not just someone who moans!

I am also very sensitive to feminist issues, and my DD is too - she will always notice when there aren't enough female characters in a book, for example.

We have just been sent the induction packs for her new school. They have a house system, with the four houses named after local famous historical figures. Every single one of the four houses is named after a man.

I sort of understand (but still hate) it when a school has been established for x number of years and has a patriarchal system, but this a brand new school, and they seem not to have taken the opportunity to start off on an equal footing.

When I met the headmaster, I mentioned to him that the "girls' uniform" didn't include trousers, was my daughter welcome to wear them? He was fine and flexible with this, so I do think he's a reasonable person. Though it is a part of an academy trust, so very, very likely not his decision re: house names.

It may be too late to change the names of the houses (literature has already been printed), but if it is an academy trust, could speaking up stop this from happening at the next school that opens?

My husband thinks I'm talking absolute nonsense and it's a total non-issue, but I hate that my daughter will see four male "role models" as the pillars of the school, and not even a nod to the (very eminent) female historical figures from this area.

I categorically do not want to forge a poor relationship with this school though and do not want to become "that parent". Any thoughts?

So, to summarise, we made up some arbitrary rules, we didn't hold to them and we don't care about whether we chose women or not.

Which I would also read as telling me that a) the ethos of the school is set and you're not going to get any say in it and b) it's not very women friendly. The message they are sending is appalling.

You might want to make friends with these people - or rather one rather brave girl fighting a similar battle in her secondary school.

www.change.org/p/rooms-of-our-own-equal-gender-representation-in-school

Personally, I think this should be either illegal, or rendered the subject of so much mockery that no one ever does it again. Either will do me just fine.

Hmmm. They tried, did they?

Not hard enough! And like assassinated says, they bent the criteria to shoehorn a man in, but couldn't do that for a woman.

I'm too distracted by other stuff for composing thoughtful things today, but I'm sure the collective here can help you craft a suitable response that says "the way you've replied, while lovely and all, actually illustrates what I was on about" .

I think you're right to be pursuing this, by the way. Takes courage.

OP has already said there are nelly.

I agree with PP "we never intended to be sexist but were not willing to change what we do to ensure it doesn't happen".

I wonder what other issues will be resolved using the same ethos.

I'd be unwilling to let it lie tbh OP. I hate that sort of placatory bullshit. Parent govenors are elected by the parents btw, not the staff, so I wouldn't worry on that account.

Oh and it's always bloody Florence Nightingale and Mary Seacole. While they were extraordinary, their achievements are very much within the conventionally 'feminine' sphere, i.e. looking after others. Not all role models are made equal. I'd go for Bouddica...

Waffle waffle waffle.

Agree, change the category!

I completely agree that that is a very carefully constructed reply to minimise what is basically sexism.

What comes across to me is that he is not really aware of his sexism. He has tried to justify a sexist decision, and of course the explanation is full of holes.

Then you've got this:

We will also be championing the work of Stonewall in our academy so that all our children recognise that every family is different in its make-up, and that there is no ‘normal’ family set up.

He is trying to show you his 'progressive' credentials, but whilst I used to admire Stonewall, it has now been taken over by the trans lobby.

And the way trans is being explained to children is to use a hotch potch of theories which essentially underpin gender stereotypes.

I feel for you, OP. Because, however nice he is, in a way he has made it worse. And if you want to take it further, you are going to be stepping into 'that parent' territory.

Which is galling all on its own.

I think you're going to have a busy few years, OP!

If it's any help, I think you need to change the way you approach this.

Instead of being 'that parent', perhaps you should market yourself as the parent who is going to help them avoid falling behind the times and looking regressive and old-fashioned.

If you are going to reply, use words like progressive, inclusive, stereotyping, etc. And if you can manage to sound like an authority on it, so much the better.

Although, to be honest, I'd struggle as I'm not au fait with enough buzz words to sound credible.

I'm vastly irritated on your behalf, though.

I agree with you. Dd's school has two men and two women as the house names. I don't see why they have to stick to the local area.

It sounds like they are prepared to go for lesser known figures for the sake of a local connection. I really can't believe there are not 2 women who will fit these criteria, it's just that they don't know about them. Can you track down a local historian who might have some ideas? try the local library, if they don't know they may know who WOULD know. Otherwise I would suggest that the school favour inspiring and validating girls over promoting local history, and I propose Rosa Parks and Elizabeth Garret Anderson.

I cant believe we are still fighting these battles in 2017. Well done OP.

I will indeed reply, though I am still trying to think of the best approach. A true "Mumsnet victory" in this case would obviously be a change of the house names and an admission of accidental bias from the school. In "real world" this isn't likely to happen. Children have already been allocated their houses, and prospectuses have been printed.

However, I do want to reply, and I think I need to raise the issue of unconscious bias - how it's OK to bend their own criteria to include a notable man, but not a woman, how if the criteria don't work for equality, then find different criteria... BUT very honestly I want a good relationship with the school going forward. I am not prepared to throw all of my toys out of the pram on this one.

Also an excellent point from @chopchopchop around nursing being an "acceptable" female pursuit. Rosa Parks is excellent. Any other primary-friendly female role models spring to mind? I have Anne Frank and Miep Gies, but might be a bit much for infant school, given context (though apparently the Crimean war is fine...). Ada Lovelace maybe?

@newtlover, I agree there are probably local women if you dig deep enough. The current ones are mainly household names, BUT men have written history for so many years, it doesn't seem unreasonable to ask them to dig a bit deeper.

I suppose I'm trying to think of a reply that encompasses the fact that I'm still disappointed and concerned about them being behind the times in terms of equality but accept it's too late in the day to change them. What realistically can I further ask them to do, if anything? There isn't really a compromise position here, is there?

Sorry - brain dump!

oooh yes, Ada Lovelace
Or Mary Anning

I don't see why it's too late to change, have they not heard of the erratum slip?

@newtlover Each child has had a welcome letter saying which house they will be in, to buy the appropriate-coloured house uniform. (I have no problem with the house colours!) The prospectus contains a bit of blurb on all four men. I agree with a PP, an ideal scenario would be where they used it as a learning point and built an assembly around it, but I think that's probably (sadly) fantasy land.

If you can find more women, they may make a big deal out of studying them. Which will probably be a more than adequate counterpoint to the house names.

Just try googling your town's history. There is a website that lists famous people by town. Some of them absolutely not household names.

And think about the letter. You can add in quotes from people like Cordelia Fine. But take your time over it.

Not all role models are made equal. I'd go for Bouddica...

Hah, yes, awesome.

There certainly were as many women in the history of that place as there were men, anything else would be biologically unlikely.

Possibly not as many women whose achievements are still known about, but if you dig, I am sure you can find some woman who did something at least somewhat remarkable. Like writing reasonably well-known books.

As for role models ... I don't know many women I would recommend a girl to emulate in all things, but Sophie Scholl was pretty awesome when it came to political resistance. (In Germany, there's no way I would let a school get away with claiming they couldn't find a famous woman. Every place has at least one woman who resisted the nazis, you'd only have to dig out the names.)

Unless you live on Lindisfarne, Iona or some other small island that used to be populated only by monks, I find it very hard to believe that there are no female local historical figures of note. 21 centuries of recorded British history and not one woman who could be a role model to girls?

And agree with the comments about Florence & Mary - though actually Florence Nightingale was an amazing lobbyist on public health after her nursing days. Bet the Year Twos only get the nice womanly lady with a lamp stuff though.

Anyway, Year Two is too late. Send the Head the link I posted upthread - by 6, girls already 'know' they are inferior. And choosing all male authority figures reinforces that.

Well done for fighting this. My son's have been in houses named after Rosalind Fraklin and Jane Goodall. Two amazing role models.
This stuff REALLY matters. It feeds into unconscious biases that have huge impact on how girls are perceived both by themselves and by the boys.
The school is making a really clear statement here that there approach to diversity is only superficial and that they are not willing to take the more difficult route to support diversity.
I'm a school governor and our governing body would be furious about this.

and Florence Nightingal was also a hugely influential statistician.

thisisstatistics.org/florence-nightingale-the-lady-with-the-data/

but as others had said that didn't fit with the 'women can only be known for being good at womenly stuff' narrative.

What Datun said above. We just need to reframe the issue. YANBU and you are not 'that parent', you are helping the school support diversity and provide good role models for all children. This is not a non-issue!! Good luck!

Did you copy anyone else into the email? It might be useful if more staff know of your concern. There are likely female members of staff for whom the penny will drop more easily and they might vocalise support if senior enough.

We'll dome for raising it OP. I raised the issue of poor girls' sports provision with my DD's headteacher and she fobbed me off rudely. I counter replied but got nowhere.

please make your email stronger, in particular please don't say it is too late to change.

I would go for - as 50% of the school will be female, perhaps we could have 2 female and 2 male houses? Famous local females include XX YY and ZZ

sorry., missed page 2.

That reply is bollocks.

Please follow it up.
So, what he is saying is that of all the women who have lived and working in our county for the last 200-300 years they coudl not find 2 who would be suitble?

He, as a man, needs to understand his unconscious bias. He has now set up 4 men as role models alongside zero females.
In the light of the fuss around the new £10 and the lack of women, he should have been more on the ball.

What an unbelievably disappointing start to a new school.
As a parent I would now be concerned at what other areas of bias were just going to slide in?

he needs to put his hands up to the mistake and change it. Use the change as a teaching point.

To be honest, I would be inclined to accidentally let this slip to the local press