Nothing quite like online dating

[Ava5]

...to remind you how much of a radfem you are at heart.

Pages and pages full of profiles of smiling, unburdened men with high-flying careers and showy hobbies, strutting their peacock feathers. They all keep saying how they want world peace, and how much they're distressed by racism, world poverty and oppressed bunny rabbits. [sarcasm]

Not one has included sexism or any of its ubiquitous current contributors in that list. Not even lip service, let alone any kind of action in lieu of those super hip activities they post photos of (yeah, that 100th pic of a dude surfing gets me really hot ). No mention of volunteer work of any kind (almost all volunteers I've personally met are women). No mention of equal share of parenting of future children for those that want them. And this isn't even an exhaustive list of feminist peeves.

I've encountered a grand total of 1 feminist on a less upmarket site. What's really sad is that this is the best face these men are presenting of themselves. What makes them think that a display of them obliviously swimming in their privilege is conducive to attracting a female mate??[rhetorical question - i'm just venting]

"Totally agree - bring back tea dances."

What are those? If they're old-fashioned partner dancing events - bring it on. They were much more introvert-friendly than the current crazy party scene.

That seemingly polite bloke threw a hissy-fit once I very politely told him that we have no chemistry. I know that it's classic male rejection complex, but it's so fucking hard not to lose confidence. It's scary how quickly the mask slips.

What's worse is that he apparently wasn't attracted to me either. So why the hell write and abuse me if he wanted nothing to do with me anyway?

And that concludes my first experience with online dating, ladies.

Can I just turn gay now, please??

I think you would be better off going directly to a site for sex. OLD is for men who mostly seem to be trying to trick women in to having sex with them. I think you want someone sensible who knows what they want and is honest about it and where you can be honest from the start too.

I've thought about political lesbianism too!

Absolutely classic response btw - "I'm outraged you could turn down my mighty penis so I'll throw a hissy fit and in any case even if I was gagging for it 5 seconds ago I'll now also tell you that you look like the back end of a bus anyway...." They (bellends that is) all react this way.

I agree, there are plenty of sex hook-up sites, probably more suitable than OLD.

"OLD is for men who mostly seem to be trying to trick women in to having sex with them."

But I need no tricking! I'm gagging for it with the right bloke! No pink, romantic goggles whats over and I'm upfront about it. Just wanted a wee bit of respect to help me relax.

Actually that may not be a bad suggetsion - I've heard people say on the OLD threads that counter-intuitively people on Tinder are more respectful than they are on sites like POF. Everyone knows they're there for hook-ups therefore doesn't pretend to be looking for hte love of their life only to ghost you after one shag, or get snippy if they're knocked back.

That's interesting - I should be more open-minded about the hook-up scene.

The more I read over his response in my head - the less sense it makes. It's obvious that he didn't read mine at all. Just saw 'rejection' flash in his head and spat the dummy.

A normal, rational response to my msg would've been:
"Yeah, you're right - there is no spark. No hard feelings. Bye"

Or nothing.

I'm trying to calm and reassure myself that it's not what I said that triggered it. Because I phrased it very carefully to say that there was no attraction MUTUALLY.

I met DH online. As a single twenty - something someone going on about what a great father they would be would have been a massive turn-off to me. However, he certainly does 50% of the parenting now that we have a child.

Also, I wouldn't have been impressed for someone to say on their profile that they weren't sexist (or racist or homophobic) as if it was something to be proud of!

So there is hope in OD after all...However small.

Ava I think the ability to forget about idiots and move on to the next person is essential for not letting OD get you down.

I realise it's a counsel of perfection, but try not to give him too much headspace. You behaved impeccably, politely giving him the brush off rather than ghosting him, he then revealed his true colours and showed himself to be a twunt, no further analysis required on your part. It wasn't you, it was him.

I met one like that too, ava. Years ago now, but it sticks with me.

We met up via OLD and arranged to meet for a couple of drinks. When I got there, right out the gate I just didn't fancy him, at all, but we had our drink anyway. Then he told a racist joke, I told him I didn't find racism funny and decided that was the time to say that I thought it was best if we just cut the date short and went our separate ways with no hard feelings.

Well. He went OFF. Called me all sorts - can't even remember what, but around the theme of being stuck up/above myself/arrogant. He finished by assuring me that he was never going to fuck me anyway, then flounced off, sticking me with the bill.

Dodged a bullet there. But it 100% was about him and his insecurities and his unpleasant character - though it took a while for me to get there as I'm not always super confident and in those days I believed that whether men thought I was fuckable or not was a measure of my worth .

Good luck in your search, it's a jungle out there!

But I need no tricking! I'm gagging for it with the right bloke! No pink, romantic goggles whats over and I'm upfront about it. Just wanted a wee bit of respect to help me relax.

Yes but that's no fun for those sort of men. I think the "tricking" might be half the motivation. Seriously, look in to sites specifically for hooking up. At least then you both know where you're at.

"Yes but that's no fun for those sort of men. I think the "tricking" might be half the motivation."

I had this feeling too. Like I denied him his 'seducer of a reluctant damsel' fantasy.

Now that I've calmed down, this experience has taught me A LOT.