Why do so many people make excuses for rapists?

[AVirginLitTheCandle]

It honestly just blows my mind how many people excuse their actions and even defend them.

A man has been found guilty of rape after having sex with a woman when she was passed out. She had invited him round for a 'comfort cuddle' but made it clear beforehand that she didn't want to have sex with him. She woke to find him having sex with her.

The amount of comments defending him and blaming her is staggering. "He didn't realise what he was doing, he was drunk", "what did she expect to happen when she invited a bloke round" and even a couple of comments doubting what happened because "you never really know" despite the fact he has admitted he raped her and that what he did was wrong.

It's so depressing how people still think like this in 2017

I'm sorry that happened to you, raffles.

I think how a person talks about rape can give you some insight into both who they are, and their past. Men who excuse rapists I would give a wide berth to, because I think they're looking at their past behaviour and not being entirely confident that they've never raped someone. Women who excuse rapists I feel extremely sorry for because I think they've almost certainly be subjected to some sort of sexual coercion that they're not able to face up to. They've probably been raped, but can't admit it to themselves - if she was raped, then that means I was too, and I'm not that woman...

Possibly simplistic. The other explanation is that a rape apologist is someone who has just swallowed our cultural myths about dominant male sexuality and female sexual passivity wholesale, and never bothered to think if it even makes any sense or not. Then I think they're just a bit dim.

My experience.

I met a man in his professional environment. I wasn't his patient or anything like that but we shared a space, chatted and hit it off. He invited me for a date. I accepted with all the safe guards in mind.

He managed to talk his way into my home (desperate for a wee) and he raped me.

I kept everything. Clothes. Bedding. The glass he drank from. Myself and his disgusting residue.

Guess what? It went no further because he was one of their own.

sally

Sorry to all who have suffered here.

As Neverknowing said people just don't care. They will pay lip service to stuff but actually shunning someone or whatever...too much hassle.

I was assaulted at work when I was an intern and my then boyfriend persuaded me not to go to the police because he said they would shut down the intern programme and that wasn't fair.

I later found out that the guy who assaulted me assaulted various women.

I was not assaulted but I had a very similar experience once with a colleague who I invited into my home for a 'sober up' drink. He propositioned me and I asked him to leave. He did. However, friends of both sexes who I told, instead of being supportive, explained to me that I had 'sent the wrong messages' because 'come in for a cup of coffee' (offered only after he said he was feeling a bit tipsy) really means 'yes of course I'll have sex with you'. Many went so far as to tell me I led him on or put him in an unfair position. I was told I was naive and one male friend even laughed at me and my stupidity. Later, he sent me some obscene material. At work, I was told I should have known better and that 'he'd tried the same with many women'. So why was he still there?

But protecting and excusing men and blaming women goes beyond rape - rape is just one way that this happens. There are chat and ABIU threads right now that demonstrate this in different ways, along with related double standards.