I'm not the barista's "my love"

[therealsquireofwideacre]

Does that make me humourless? He was highly indignant to be asked to stop calling me "my love" in every other breath, and to be fair the male customers are all his "mate" apparently.

Well, I don't think so. He wasn't being humorous, he was being over familiar with just the female customers.

Depends a lot on where you were. In Bristol "my love" is a very normal way of addressing someone in a friendly manner, admittedly more usually towards females but not exclusively-so unless you are specifically objected to being gendered I think it's ok.

To be honest I really haven't got a problem with it although I know a load of MN do every time this subject comes up.
It's usually a regional saying and it's a perfectly normal term from where I was brought up.

There are plenty of things to get worked up about but for me, this isn't one of them.

I prefer it to being called 'my lovely', which makes me feel patronised. DH did it once and I bit his head off. It's ok for primary school teachers to call small children, but not in a coffee shop!!

What would you want to be called?

You got off light. Go to St Helens as a man and you are called Cock.
Go to Glasgow as a woman and you are called Hen.

"Mate" seems to imply an equal relationship whereas "my love" feels patronising and today it just got to me, particularly as it was accompanied by an attitude of "humourless cow" (unspoken, but definitely there).

I was called: sweetheart, darlin', honey, love and my love by the delivery driver in the length of time it took for me to sign for a parcel the other day.
I was tempted to sign really slooooowly just to see how many other names he had in his repertoire.

I've been 'love'd by many young people recently. It's so rude. But to reply as I would wish ("Fuck off, cunt!") would be ruder.

It does seem to be a regional thing - where I live, women will address other women and men, as 'my love' fairly routinely.

I really couldn't get worked up about this.

I don't think it's a humour thing, not meant to be funny.
We all call everyone love round here, even the blokes call each other love.
Go to staffordshire/ stoke and you'll be called duck.
There are lots of issues to be worked up about, including the term barista You mean cafe worker.

I can't get worked up about it either. I bet he was .

This doesn't really bother me, as I understand it's just a friendly way of addressing people. I don't read anything into it.

I don't do it myself, but i live just outside London and whenever I have workmen in the house ( we've been renovating) I get called everything from doll to darlin.

Things like me " here's some coffees for you" them " thanks doll" .

Shrugs.

Well I'm certainly not his love any more! okay, i accept I've got my grumpy head on today!

It's nice to be acknowledged and for people to be polite and pleasant. Better than being ignored or him being rude.

I can't bear love and have called people out about it at work on several occasions. I defo get a 🙄 but I couldn't give a stuff!

I think i object to the term barista more than 'my love' but I've never been a coffee drinker.

My experience is that over a certain age, and not attempting to look attractive, you just get called "Madam" or by your name, or nothing. Which I prefer, tbh.

This is exactly why, as a woman, I absolutely do not identify as a feminist. The pettiness and self righteousness is just astounding! Maybe, for a little perspective you should read about the starving children in Yemen. Or maybe the children in Vietnam still living with the horrific affects of Agent Orange or the women of Afghanistan who are truly do suffer suppression.

Do you go onto most AIBU threads and say the same, mummabear? Do feel free to go away and read some articles about Yemen.

What an odd reason not to agree with feminist principles. Chatting about how people refer to women in the UK doesn't stop you from also knowing, caring about and acting to help women in other parts of the world who are suffering. It's not one or the other.

I really wouldn't get offended by this. I'd say he was just being friendly and polite.

It depends on context for me. At work there was one particular canteen worker (from a highly patriarchal culture, if it matters) who'd always address me as love or darling while looking me up and down. After a few months of this I said something like "Please don't call me darling. My name is X." For the rest of my time at that company I got an icy "Ma'am" and probably spit in my soup.

im a feminist and i absolutely do not give a shit about the fact that some people clumsily try to be nice or use pet names.
Now if it was someone in a position of power calling me darlin or my love, then thats got different connotations, but a workman or a barista, theyre just being friendly and you were being rude.

There's a young woman where I work who calls everyone "My lovely" regardless of age, sex or corporate seniority - I find it quite cheering!