I'm not the barista's "my love"

[therealsquireofwideacre]

Does that make me humourless? He was highly indignant to be asked to stop calling me "my love" in every other breath, and to be fair the male customers are all his "mate" apparently.

If it's London, then men use mate to other men seen as equals, and love to women, the elderly, and children. Which is patronising as hell.

If the person is just using it as a figure of speech I ignore it (but often call a man love or petal back, which flummoxes them), but if they clearly are trying to be patronising then I will definitely use the most patronising terms I can think of in exchange. "I'm not your love" never goes well.

In my neck of the woods it's "me duck".

Branleuse said....
"im a feminist and i absolutely do not give a shit about the fact that some people clumsily try to be nice or use pet names.
Now if it was someone in a position of power calling me darlin or my love, then thats got different connotations, but a workman or a barista, theyre just being friendly and you were being rude".

Interesting that you notice that it is often (not exclusively) about the power dynamic between the two people.
My experience is a big part of the offence is about people seeing such familiarity with people they see as below them that winds them up. Having worked in the service industry in the North I have noticed that when using love or mate it is far more often the people that get out of the Audi TT in the car park and not the Ford Fiesta that bristle and take offence by it.

venus

This isn't AIBU though.
Anybody can contribute how they want to, on any thread.

Yes and I can contribute what I want in response to them.

I call everyone my love, honey, chicken .. because I'm from Yorkshire - I don't mean anything by it and sometimes men find it weird when you call them love (especially if you're a man too-I'm not) so they often get mate.
Get over yourself it's just how we reference people. Would you rather I called you ma'am?

I used to be a bit about this until I moved somewhere further north and realised it's a regional thing. Really doesn't bother me anymore in most contexts. I know women (seriously feminist women to boot) who call everyone 'love' and 'pet', male or female.

Hmmm. I'm guilty of this. It's a colloquialism. I'm an East Londoner and it's a thing.

It depends, it can be okay or it can be patronising.
Considering it bothered you, I'd guess it came across as the second so yanbu (I know this isn't Aibu )

Meh. We should enforce standardised use of the English language, remove local variances and formalise greetings to:

"Hello, fellow human being".

(I always find "hows it hanging?" an amusing one)

One of the barrista at my local shop calls me love. I hate her a little bit for it but I bear it as I believe she doesn't mean any harm.

I don't care about love/pet/my lovely etc if it's used equally for both sexes. That's a local/regional term, fine. If it's used just for women and not for men, like in the OPs example, then yes it is a bit irritating and a minor bit of low level sexism.

It definitely doesn't make you humourless.

I also wish more people referred to one another as "duck". I long to be addressed as such.

I can't see anything wrong with being called "my love". You could be called much worse things, in which case you'd have reason to be put out.

lol, I have been called today: My Dear, Lovely, Chick, Darling and Samantha (my name is Stephanie)

None of them bother me because I know the people are just trying to be nice

I am from an area that uses it irrespective of sex.

I find it kind when used that way.

Pal and mate i find a little forced at times and sort of resolutely masculine.

Don't hate a kindness.

I love it when strangers use endearments towards me. The only one I'm not so keen on is being called 'doll' (my boss from 30 years ago used to call me that when he asked me to go and buy him his cigars - if you saw me, you'd realise how ludicrous it was).

But if someone calls me 'darling' or 'darlin'' or 'my love' I almost want to cry a little bit, cos it's so nice.

Is it nice and a kindness though? To be slightly patronised?

If it's patronising..

I think it is a cultural norm for some. Cultures where being standoffish is not celebrated.

I like Not Citrus's suggestion of using the same term back to him. If it's a regional term used for everyone then that would seem perfectly normal. If it's a term he only uses in a slightly patronising way to women then it might make him stop and think.

Here in Cornwall you'd be called maid and males are called me ansum. Both are local and nothing to get your kecks in a twist about

Why is love patronising for a woman but mate isn't patronising for a man, why is it sexist in one case but not in than the other? Is ones love technically not of a higher standing than ones mate?

I do think sometimes people look to be offended.

I'd much rather the tradition of love, duck, darling, mate, doll, pal, whatever continues than everyone simoly states their communication without these regional terms of endearment /kindness or calls everyone else sir and madam.

What a cold world some of us wish to live in.

I would notice it, but not let it bother me.

I work in a male dominated industry and the things I get called, and the things said to me would make your hair curl.

Maybe it was his attempt at being friendly? I wouldn't lose sleep over it.