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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

Why do so many men turn bad...?

418 replies

Destinysdaughter · 27/01/2017 18:44

Was just thinking about this, May be simplistic but was wondering why so many men end up being rapists, paedophiles, DV abusers, stalkers etc?

Is it something in their family background, being a victim of abuse themselves, conditioning, or something else?

OP posts:
YetAnotherSpartacus · 09/02/2017 10:47

Here we go again ...

AssassinatedBeauty · 09/02/2017 10:48

Helen did you have a link for the Kate Smurthwaite share, I can't seem to find it?

LolDankRoofLover · 09/02/2017 10:50

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

HelenDenver · 09/02/2017 10:53

fightthenewdrug.org/sex-before-kissing-15-year-old-girls-dealing-with-boys/

Here you go, AB.

HelenDenver · 09/02/2017 10:55

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

HelenDenver · 09/02/2017 11:11

Thanks MNHQ.

Jmslvlc990 · 09/02/2017 11:12

Scary!

YetAnotherSpartacus · 09/02/2017 11:20

Repeat after me.

I will not feed the troll.
I will not feed the troll.
I will not feed the troll.
I will not feed the troll.
I will not feed the troll.
I will not feed the troll.
I will not feed the troll.
I will not feed the troll.
I will not feed the troll.
I will not feed the troll.
I will not feed the troll.
I will not feed the troll.
I will not feed the troll.
I will not feed the troll.
I will not feed the troll.
I will not feed the troll.
I will not feed the troll.
I will not feed the troll.
I will not feed the troll.
x100.

Datun · 09/02/2017 11:28

helen

That article is horrific.

This immense oil slick of pornography is damaging on so many levels.

There are, of course, initiatives that could help, including education, making it quite clear the porn is fantasy, not reality, raising girls with high self-esteem etc.

But this all takes time and because porn is so damaging, particularly to women and girls I would like to see more of a short, sharp shock.

Do these under age youngsters know that distributing sexual pictures is a crime? Even if it is of themselves?

Do any of them get arrested? It would only take a flurry of well publicised cases to start getting the message across.

I realise, of course, that this is not tackling the source, only the outcome. But highlighting it as a crime gives it the negative connotation that seems to be entirely missing. It IS a crime because it is wrong.

Would young girls feel more confident in opposing these attitudes if they were assured that in the eyes of the law it was so wrong, it was actually criminal.

AssassinatedBeauty · 09/02/2017 12:21

Thanks Helen, I'll read it when I get a chance!

makeourfuture · 09/02/2017 13:10

Do any of them get arrested? It would only take a flurry of well publicised cases to start getting the message across.

Assuming you are just sort on introducing this as a loose idea....I would hope we could find a better way than arresting and prosecuting some young girl for an indiscretion.

venusinscorpio · 09/02/2017 14:09

Yes, I wouldn't be on board with that. Particularly as often the sender is the most vulnerable person. I would however support the police getting involved in an education programme where the legal ramifications of sexting were explored.

makeourfuture · 09/02/2017 15:05

I would however support the police getting involved in an education programme where the legal ramifications of sexting were explored.

Well, it might be a good opportunity for the authorities to check and see if there was a grooming/bullying situation going on. Maybe contact whoever was requesting the images.

It highlights the problem with our justice system that things like pressuring/mental abuse are still approached somewhat less forcefully than property damage/bodily harm events. Grooming would be seemingly harder to prosecute within our current judicial system, but it shouldn't be about what is easy.

venusinscorpio · 09/02/2017 15:20

In an individual case, yes. I thought they could perhaps give some talks to schools as part of an educational programme.

sluttyfeminist · 09/02/2017 15:22

Born psychopaths?
a person suffering from chronic mental disorder with abnormal or violent social behaviour.
Men are not all violent that is just generalizing and very stereotypical and sexist.

Datun · 09/02/2017 15:25

I wasn't advocating young girls being arrested and carted off to the police station to be read the riot act.

I'm trying to think of a process that will penalise those who apply the pressure, whilst not punishing those who are subjected to it.

If knowing that the law and society considers it wrong, girls will be more emboldened to resist.

When an 8th grader is asked how do you know if a boy likes you and her reply is if he talks to you after you give him a blow job, their entire self worth is dependent upon, not only sexual acts, but sexual acts that are then judged by the recipient as to their worth, or not.

"Pornography is molding and conditioning the sexual behaviors and attitudes of boys, and girls are being left without the resources to deal with these porn-saturated boys."

If it is counter-productive to include girls sending photos as part of the crime (which I agree would be cruel), then the request for the picture should be criminalised.

These girls need powerful tools to deal with the issue.

LauraBora79 · 09/02/2017 15:32

I should think a lot of the 'child pornography' out there is now created by children. That's so weird and disturbing. Of course those who create it shouldn't necessarily be criminalised but it should be discouraged, because technically it's the creation of ilegal material. My step-son has had a serious talk about it and he knows it could land him in serious trouble. A lot of kids don't realise that.

LauraBora79 · 09/02/2017 15:38

If it is counter-productive to include girls sending photos as part of the crime (which I agree would be cruel), then the request for the picture should be criminalised.

Would a boy sending a photo be any different? Also, how would you legally define 'requesting a picture'? What if the picture was sent without it being requested?

There are too many complications. Obviously if a child has been pressured or coerced into creating a pic or video then that's one thing; but if one child sends an unsolicited pic (or if both consent prior to the pic beong created) then who is legally culpable?

RebelRogue · 09/02/2017 15:52

I've noticed that 1. Too many kids that shouldn't (way under 13)have instagram,snapchat,whatsapp,facebook etc. , 2. Despite various e safety talks,the focus is on the boogey man/stranger/potential pedophile. Not one that i have witnessed raised the issue of friend of a friend and not sending messages/pictures that you definitely wouldn't want others to see,no matter how well you know the recipient , 3. Again no mention of profile pictures and what is appropriate and what isn't ,even if your profile has really high security settings and 4. While there is talk about blocking,reporting and high security settings no specific instructions as to how find those options and use them.

Datun · 09/02/2017 15:56

laura

I agree it's difficult, but that shouldn't mean it's not something to consider. The mother of that youngster who has gone on to 'Yellow' is it? The teenage version of tinder, I think. Impersonating her daughter as soon as she swiped 'like' the reply was 'tits plse'. And a variations on that theme, over and over.

Datun · 09/02/2017 16:03

Education on the security of social media should actively and vociferously state that the sending and receiving of nude photos is an offence.

And, I'm just thinking out loud, but how about the sending of a photo is a mild offence, as is the receiving. But the resending or distribution is a severe offence. Also the request for a photo is a severe offence.

venusinscorpio · 09/02/2017 16:08

I would agree that resending and distribution should carry a higher penalty.

makeourfuture · 09/02/2017 16:10

Would a boy sending a photo be any different? Also, how would you legally define 'requesting a picture'? What if the picture was sent without it being requested?

There are too many complications. Obviously if a child has been pressured or coerced into creating a pic or video then that's one thing; but if one child sends an unsolicited pic (or if both consent prior to the pic beong created) then who is legally culpable?

It speaks to the weakness of our system of justice. In order to create an objective consistent system (an easy system?) we have sacrificed subjectivity, truth and fairness. This may be the situation with sexual assault, he says she was willing, she says she wasn't and the prosecution, seeing difficulties ahead, decides not to pursue. Is it justice?

But these things aren't easy. Choosing to write a law that punishes a young girl when she may have been pressured into something is easy and lazy.

LauraBora79 · 09/02/2017 16:13

Datun I agree in that sort of situation it's quite clear cut who's in the wrong. But there are I imagine incidents that are very ambiguious, legally and morally speaking.

Sexualised images of children have been a quite clear cut issie in the past. They were either made by paedophiles or sold to paedophiles by criminal organizations.

But if sexting is a normal part of children's lives then a lot of these images are being created and disseminated by children themselves. Who is then criminalized? The creator? The recipient? What if the recipient didn't request the image?

It would depend I suppose depend on the situation, but will be very hard to codify legally.

I think the only way to address it is to make sexting wholly illegal for under 18's. Then there is no ambiguity and children know where they stand.

LauraBora79 · 09/02/2017 16:15

Make No doubt there are cases of girls requesting pics from boys? What happens then?

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