Why do girls let the boys get away with it?

[Weneedarevolution]

My DS is doing A levels. In geography they have been put in a group of boys and girls - 5 students I think. They have to complete a project. The girls have organised and allocated th work, my DS has minimal work to do. He is GOOD at geography his input would help the girls. He is quite happy to let this happen as he can benefit from their efforts while getting on with other work.

His argument is that if they had asked him he would have gladly helped but they organised it and he just agreed. I really believe if the girls asked he and his friends would do the work to a high standard.

This has happened through out his school career, he and his friends almost expect it now.

So who is to blame the girls for not asking or the boys for letting it happen?

Tonic I left in the swears.

Yonic not tonic

So you are in a position of some authority over your son and you told him to get up off his lazy arse and work on this project and he said no?

But you want the girls on the project to do it?

I used to teach in a mixed schools and teachers (including me) always put students into mixed groups, essentially to stop the boys pissing around. I've taught in single sex schools for years now (boys and girls) and I now think this is outrageous and grossly unfair on the girls in the short term, while also harming the boys' education in the long term by allowing them to freeload off the girls. If I go back into a mixed school it will be single sex groups all the way for me until the boys learn to pull their weight.

I experienced
this kind of attitude previously. 'If you don't tell me, I don't know.' Just think, what would he have called the girls in the group if they had his attitude? What would he have said to them?
And yes, I'm agreeing with all the pps that it's not up to 'the girls,' to change his attitude, it's up to him to start to think.
Not sure how you get him to do that, probably needs to come from within...

You are going to be an awful MIL.

Why can't you see the greater value in the organising work that girls in this did. He didn't take responsibility for being involved in the initial planning.

That was laxy and entitled.

Why does he feel he needs to be told what to do?

Yonic - he mumbled something.

In a work environment you can't hope someone will just start doing the right thing. I have found directly addressing issues works well, "you are not doing x, please start", " y was not done please do it".

If the point of doing group work is to learn team working skills then surely addressing the issue of a lazy team member is a valuable skill to learn?

I am the one wishing the girls/the teacher/his peers would tell him. He has the utmost respect for the decisions the girls have made.

Also can I say again it is my understanding that is is common, if not the norm in schools. My DS is not the exception.

"surely addressing the issue of a lazy team member is a valuable skill to learn"

AHHHHHHHHHH

Oh, jeff it. You might be a namechanger, but you might not. Interesting first post.

ethelb I think you will be an awful grandparent.

Oh hold on I can't say that because I know very little about you.

I do know you are judgmental based on one thread where I am happy to admit me and my DS are not perfect.

Thanks for the help and advice though. Oh you didn't give any.

If you, his mother, can't get him to step up and do more work on this project, why do you feel girls his own age with no authority over him should be able to?

Would you consider emailing the teacher?

Yonic - OK let me try this.

The girls have no responsibility, my DS is at fault. They are off happily doing their own thing. More power to them.

When they get to work and when entitled men take credit for their work what should they do. Because we all know it will happen.
When it has happened to me I have addressed it directly. I have found this works for me. I would like them to be able to do this, it's good fun. Could they practice first??

How about reducing the number of entitled men, starting with your son?

Can't your DS practice acting fairly? Why are you concerned about them ahead of him?

Terrified if I was in the classroom he would be working his arse off.
Speak tbh the project is nearly done, I have raised it tonight as it is part of an ongoing conversation we have. I though discussing issues like this made me a good parent, but apparently I am just helping him oppress people.

"but apparently I am just helping him oppress people."

There's a... straw...man...floating in the sky...
He'd like to come and post here but he thinks he'd blow our minds

Raise it with the teacher in the context of "next time". I'm not sure why you're resistant to feeding this back to the teacher.

Will you discuss with your son the idea of how other people perceive him as being important? Specifically his teacher having input into his UCAS application as one concrete example.

Speak I am doing my best. Unlike the mother of every other son on this thread i find that sometimes it is hard to raise a feminist son due to wider peer group influences.

I only wish my son was not influenced by society and his peers. How do the rest of you do it I'm in awe

If a girl said "get off your arse and do some work" to most boys they'd start complaining about how "bossy" and what a "bitch" she was, no doubt. I'm so glad I'm at a girls' school.

Speak as I said previously the teachers love him. He is quiet and hardworking according to them. I may well raise it with the teachers but I don't want to be seen as telling them their job. Teachers get enough crap.

I am concerned about the girls because I consider myself a feminist. I want his sloppy behaviour to meet as many challenges as possible not just me.

The girls are getting on with and doing their work. They want to learn and educate themselves for their futures. If you're concerned about them, and all girls, then the best thing you can do is raise a feminist son. Knowing many boys my age and being in despair about most of them, that's what I'd appreciate most.

Genuinely Iamamy he would work. He is a quiet boy. Just a bit lazy.

He would never call a girl a bitch. Ever. Of that I am sure.