Why do girls let the boys get away with it?

[Weneedarevolution]

My DS is doing A levels. In geography they have been put in a group of boys and girls - 5 students I think. They have to complete a project. The girls have organised and allocated th work, my DS has minimal work to do. He is GOOD at geography his input would help the girls. He is quite happy to let this happen as he can benefit from their efforts while getting on with other work.

His argument is that if they had asked him he would have gladly helped but they organised it and he just agreed. I really believe if the girls asked he and his friends would do the work to a high standard.

This has happened through out his school career, he and his friends almost expect it now.

So who is to blame the girls for not asking or the boys for letting it happen?

[CocoaX]

My son is much younger and is pretty much on a par with his sister - they can both be lazy, equally they can both step up and be proactive with doing stuff. I am not noticing a difference there. DS would actually deep clean to his heart's content if I let him, but mainly as spraying stuff and wiping gives him sensory input (he is on the spectrum). Hoovering is too noisy for him, both children hate sorting laundry etc. It is an individual child thing and not a gender thing, I think, because it is just me and he is too young to look to outside role models (primary age).

By the way, I think a 16 year old boy is responsible for his own actions. There is a point where they are adults and have to make their own decisions.

[Holowiwi]

Just finished! Need to start Geography however.

[scaryclown]

I dunno, i say this is terrifyingly like real life. The people who want to be leaders and task allocators allocating by criteria other than ability, and failing to understand the deep abilities and strength s of the people in the team before allocating tasks.

In the world of employment this happens over and over again, so why not now!.

The best think to do, i think, is to coach your DS to reflevt about whether this is good or bad for the task and the team, and how he feels as an individual, amd how he could make better use of the skills of oeople in the team more effectively.

Sadly the people who want to tell people what to do, are often not the people who shpuld be dping it.

How to.mamahe this and/or communicated cate his strengths epuld be a better lesson.

Howvyer I suspect this comes from a culture where outstanding achievement is seen as 'luck' and average achievememt as 'effort' so the girls may be resistant to giving your DS a chance to 'just get it right by luck' again, and..just like work..they might want to block his opportunity to shine deliberately so they look a bit better. The antithesis of team work..so that's worth raising as both learning about teamwork, but also with respect to undermining behaviour. .

[ChipsForSupper]

Perhaps they don't care about him/are not interested in him very much? Has he considered that?

[Weneedarevolution]

My DP probably does more than me in the house. My DS is happy to help in the house. He works well at school, the teachers like him and praise his work ethic. This is specifically about mixed group tasks. If boys like my DS aren't doing this work then the other 'really' lazy boys must be doing less than nothing!

Xenophile I am really pleased your sons work well in mixed group tasks at school, my understanding is that they would be the exception to the rule.

It seems to me to be a peer group issue. That is what is expected and accepted by both sexes. I dislike it and want it challenged by as many people as possible. Hence my original point, is this the boys who don't do it or the girls who don't ask them to do it?

[Weneedarevolution]

Chips I really, really hope you are right.

[SpeakNoWords]

Will you raise it with the teacher? Allow them the chance to alter the apparent dynamic.

[Weneedarevolution]

Speak in all honesty at my 3 minute parents evening meeting before my sons A levels, no, I will not be raising issues relating to a non assessed revision task. But we have already established my poor feminist credentials on this thread.

[ChipsForSupper]

Thanks. I expect I am. Most women don't really care about men with the same attitude as your DS.

[SoHairyAndForeverSpartacus]

Love it Buffy !

[JenLindleyShitMom]

Tell him you are really disappointed in him, that you thought you'd raised a son with a better ethic than that. Shake your head slowly and with sad eyes For added effect.

[BestZebbie]

He can't deal with their illogic?
Tell him that the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the one or the few. :-p

[Weneedarevolution]

Buffy what he does or does not do is his responsibility. However, if we wish to change this damaging dynamic how do we go about it?

In my life I have found saying words to the effect of "get off your arse and do some work you lazy tosser" has worked well. In most cases the man involved has then worked. Perhaps I have just been lucky.

While the girls are not responsible wouldn't you like to see his face if one of them said that to him? I'd pay money to see it.

[SpeakNoWords]

Email them then. I'd have been happy to deal with this outside of parents evening appointments. Or email to ask if you can speak to them on the phone if you'd rather.

[Xenophile]

Xenophile I am really pleased your sons work well in mixed group tasks at school, my understanding is that they would be the exception to the rule.

Not really. I suppose it's the difference between enabling shitty behaviour and not.

Whatever, the girls are not responsible for your DS's behaviour. He is. And if he doesn't give his head a solid wobble, he will do badly at university.

[SpeakNoWords]

Yes you've been lucky. Many men would laugh at you and carry on, or worse, I suspect.

[YonicProbe]

"get off your arse and do some work you lazy tosser"

Have you said this to him? Without the swears.

Thanks for answering my fairness question.

[Weneedarevolution]

Xenophile - or my son may be being honest with me.

I only know about this because he told me. The school don't seem bothered. If he hadn't brought it to my attention I would assume he was working away..

From talking to teacher friends boys really do not pull their weight in mixed group tasks.