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See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

DH is 'glad' of verdict

268 replies

HexBramble · 15/10/2016 17:04

I'm sickened tbh.
He announced this morning that he is happy and glad that justice has been served and will not listen to reason.
We have 3 daughters. AngrySad

OP posts:
OurBlanche · 15/10/2016 17:44

Oh, my word, Hex. That must be a very uncomfortable realisation.

Flowers
KarlosKKrinkelbeim · 15/10/2016 17:45

He sounds a prize. I resolved st an early age never to be involved with a man who was interested in football and reading this make me feel vindicated ....
Time for a serious talk about his mindset, the offence he is causing to you and the harm he will do your dds if he doesn't get himself sorted out. If he sees this as victory in a war against women he's got some big problems and things won't end well for him.

Shiningexample · 15/10/2016 17:46

it's as if he is deliberately telling you that he hates women?

Shiningexample · 15/10/2016 17:47

he sees this as victory in a war against women
thats the vibe I am getting from men who are happy about this verdict

KarlosKKrinkelbeim · 15/10/2016 17:49

If my dh csme out with something like this it would be a get professional help or fuck if conversation I'm afraid. It's seriously sick.

Xenophile · 15/10/2016 17:56

I'm so sorry Hex, it's a kick in the guts moment when you find out that a person you have invested time and emotions in turns out to be someone who is fundamentally opposed to your core beliefs.

Again, I have yet to meet a man who glorifies men such as the infamous soccer player in the way your DH seems to who wasn't a deeply suspect character. Anyone who can look at the facts and not think "despicable human with no clue about consent" is probably not someone I would want near my children.

alreadytaken · 15/10/2016 18:00

LTB - dont think I've ever said that before on mumsnet as I'm usually the one saying dont throw away a marriage too easily, they need work. But he's supporting not only sex without consent but the naming of victims.

Instead of talking about his daughters ask him how he would feel if he was sodomised one night when drunk and someone said he'd consented. Then the person who did it offered £50,000 and someone came forward and said he enjoyed anal sex. Or you could get a vibrator and next time he's really drunk....

Original poster
HexBramble · 15/10/2016 18:01

I can imagine him not joining in, feigning ignorance, but smirking.

He smirked when CE came on the news. I was churning inside because I knew what he was thinking.

Fuck.

OP posts:
RedDogsBeg · 15/10/2016 18:21

I'm so sorry to hear that OP, my dh is the polar opposite - he's been put on the bench marked 'misandrist and TERF' because of his views which he is unafraid to articulate. He has overall a pretty low opinion of his fellow males, whenever a rape case or an historical sexual abuse case comes on the news he automatically believes the victims and assumes the accused is guilty, his views are heavily influenced by what he has seen in his line of work and his own life experiences. There is no way he would smirk about CE and I wouldn't be with him if he did.

KarlosKKrinkelbeim · 15/10/2016 18:26

Is this of a piece with other beliefs and attitudes? If so only you can judge how heavily invested in these he is snd whether he would be willing to consider alternative points of view. I do think that he is not a suitable person to be involved in the upbringing of children if he will not re-examine his thought processes on these issues.

BoneyBackJefferson · 15/10/2016 18:29

Sunshineonacloudyday

You have to put it into perspective.

My perspective is that he will do this again. Why?

1/ because in his own words he is a serial cheater.
2/ He believes that as a footballer, he can have any woman he wants, meaning (to me) that he believes that he already has consent.

RufusTheSpartacusReindeer · 15/10/2016 18:32

Sorry hex

my dh just doesn't want to talk about it, probably because he doesnt want to "argue" with me

I think He believes what i am saying about the case, he just thinks that if i am right about those facts then the justice system has let her down

user1476556541 · 15/10/2016 19:40

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Soubriquet · 15/10/2016 19:48

Because yes every innocent man doesn't speak to the girl he's having sex with and then legs it out of the window Hmm

BuffytheReasonableFeminist · 15/10/2016 19:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ImperialBlether · 15/10/2016 19:50

Yes, it's interesting you joined to tell us that, user.

MostlyHet · 15/10/2016 19:58

Hex - nothing to add to what's been said other than Flowers You sound like you need them.

Stevefromstevenage · 15/10/2016 20:00

You would want to be an utter toerag to have any reasonable knowledge of this case and to not realise that even with a not guilty verdict finally CE is a complete and utter scumbag.

abeandhalo · 15/10/2016 20:01

I am sorry OP, this is shite I would be devastated if my partner felt that way.

If it was me I think I'd have to say that I'd feel quite unsafe in a relationship w/ someone who feels consent = previously consented to sex + alcohol consumption.

evelynj · 15/10/2016 20:12

The latest ugly thing is that in his terms his 'behaviour wasn't the best' that night. Like he's talking about a badly played football game when if he really was 'sorry to anyone for any ill effects of that evening' what he would say was my behaviour was beyond reprehensible & I hope no woman is treated that way again. There's no accountability from him

GiveMeRitz · 15/10/2016 20:19

Sorry HexB

No point in asking what if:

What if it was him…duh a real man would never let 'that' happen to him (more proof that the patricty hurts men too) no believe in the freeze.

What if it was one of your daughters:
None of 'his' girls would get themselves in that position blah blah

Women are property, equally of no value/intelligence and yet responsible for all/any mans actions.

Chances are this is the same enviroment Cheds girlfriend was brought up in.

DP & I are equally disgusted by this.

Actually no, he's finally starting to have a glance in to what a fine line women are forced to walk. I'm resigned

BeyondPolkadots · 15/10/2016 20:47

DH has been avoiding my wrath the details on the subject, but even from the far distance Grin he says what ched did is cuntish. He and I are both football fans btw, and a know a good few who are just as angry.

Are you okay hex? Flowers

EnthusiasmDisturbed · 15/10/2016 20:49

I would be absolutely devastated

As I am sure the person I was married to and have children with respected women

If though I had come to realise that this might not be the case he would have just confirmed this suspicion

That's really difficult for you op but I don't think people can't change they can they can be educated but need to be open to that

Kennington · 15/10/2016 20:52

I think unless you followed the case why would you think there is anything wrong with this new verdict? A little digging and one realises how awful it is, but I think it is unfair to say someone is being unreasonable when his conviction was overturned.

QuiteLikely5 · 15/10/2016 20:54

What he did was morally horrific but the law said there wasn't enough evidence to say he absolutely did rape her.

Fgs not all people in the whole of the population who are in support of the new verdict need hanging or character assassination.

Difference of opinion.

Your opinions are not above those of the jury. They are opinions and leaving your husband over this is insane!