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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

Do women use certain terms to 'shame' certain types of men?

639 replies

Enzouk · 14/10/2016 23:58

Just wondering about female perspectives on this. I increasingly hear women calling guys 'creepy' as a shaming tactic..generally I think that the women doing so do it only if they don't find the man attractive. Where as they will pander to a guy who is physically attractive to thrm they will hate on a guy who acts the exact same way who physically is not attractive to them. I have seen women do it in front of groups of friends in a sort of 'lets put this guy in his place' way. Thoughts? And what do you think of women who do this?

Also, i suppose on similar lines...are women more shallow than men with regards to physical attraction?

OP posts:
AskBasil · 15/10/2016 22:08

"are women more shallow than men with regards to physical attraction?"

Are you fucking kidding? Women's number one fear from dating sites, is that their date will turn out to be a murderer. Men's number one fear, is ttake hat their date will be fat. What were you saying about shallow?

And if you are an unattractive man who women don't fancy but you won't take the hint when they make it clear to you that they're not interested, then you are creepy.

Let's have a think about men's words used to shame women:

Slag
Slut
Whore/Ho
Skank
Dog
Bitch
Bunnyboiler
Slapper
Munter
Boiler
Scrubber
Pig

Etc etc. That's just off the top of my head.

All of those words either relate to women being sexually liberated or not meeting patriarchal beauty standards. Neither of which is harmful to men or to society.

Women's insults about men relate to their sexually predatory behaviour. Which is most certainly harmful to women and to society in general.

Shallow? Get tae fuck.

HillaryFTW · 15/10/2016 22:23

""I'll stop gratefully fellating every man that approaches me now that OP has enlightened us. Off to eat all the chips off the massive plate on my shoulder now. They're bloody delicious."

Love this, dovesong

dovesong · 15/10/2016 22:51

Ahh HillaryFTW I just looked back on this thread for the first time since yesterday - lovely first comment to see! Not sure if I want to tackle everything else that's been said since last night...

Xenophile · 15/10/2016 22:58

You can safely ignore a couple of pages, it's just the usual drivel from a known misogynist. Although if you did, you'd mis some of the best cutting remarks I've seen made in weeks, so it's up to you

gonetoseeamanaboutadog · 15/10/2016 23:02

I don't know. I was thinking of how a contemporary critic described Jane Eyre with its mad woman in the attic ('embarrassing and absurd'). He called closed down a female perspective because it was emotional and implied that made it illogical too - which I feel is pathetic.

I'm sure men have been shamed by other men not to ' behave like a woman' when they've shown emotion. But even then it would still be an insult to women at heart.

gonetoseeamanaboutadog · 15/10/2016 23:02

called

BadToTheBone · 15/10/2016 23:04

I've seen this happenOP,II've seen nasty replies to unattractive men, I've seen it with attractive men who maybe got the exact phrasing wrong. It happens more when's man approaches a group of women, it smacks of shooting fish ins barrel,they haven't seen someone who interests them, they've seen s group s d decided to see which one bites, they aren't really bothered which one. It's insulting and woman aren't grateful for it.

BadToTheBone · 15/10/2016 23:06

Sorry about the typos, I'm on my phone and don't have my glasses on, lol

RufusTheSpartacusReindeer · 15/10/2016 23:09

God yes bad

Friend and i in a bar, its quite quiet

Two men on another corner

Two other women walk in and sit on the third corner, both very conscious of the men, flicking hair and looking to see if they are watching.

My freind and i watch for about half an hour, very interested in the 'conversation'

Men getting very interested and looking at them, about to get up to chat

Other women's boyfriends turn up

Men start looking at me and my friend

FUCK OFF Shock

HillaryFTW · 15/10/2016 23:10

Oh yeah, the guy in the club who works his way around a group of dancing female friends, trying to dance close to each of them in his own order of their attractiveness.

#WeSeeYou, dude. And we all give far more of a fuck about each other than about you.

gonetoseeamanaboutadog · 15/10/2016 23:12

xeno You haven't cut me with your remarks but you seem to be appreciating them enough for everyone. I wouldn't be proud of behaving like a play ground bully though. Another difference!

sur Nothing hard to understand but as a flirting dance it is not any more inherently women-friendly or respectful than coming over and introducing yourself. I find it tribal and quite demeaning actually. The woman looks. The man looks. The woman waits. The man circles... It's a script that I find quite disempowering. I'd rather someone put his cards on the table along with a polite apology for the interruption. His mates might see, my mates might see, he knows he could get knocked back - I don't feel vulnerable in that encounter. But then I don't find it difficult to turn someone down. Without name calling.

kua · 15/10/2016 23:24

This reply has been deleted

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Xenophile · 15/10/2016 23:45

No gone, I don't any of them have cut you. However, given that you've now admitted that your behaviour is that of a bully, patronising and horrible I'm satisfied. (I know you haven't explicitly, but you have described others posts to you which were on the exact lines of yours to me in these terms, so I know you know) Have fun slagging off women, it seems to be all you are capable of.

FirstShinyRobe · 15/10/2016 23:50

Oh, oh, oh! I've got a real life example from tonight! Was at a beer festival with a mate. Hadn't seen each other for a while, so got the beers in and sat on some bar stools slightly out of the main bit to catch up. She's got some shit going on in her life that she needed to talk about. On 3 occasions, duos of men came over when we were mid-conversation (and not looking around the place) and tried to insert themselves without any preamble whatsoever. And got shirty when we carried on our previous conversation between ourselves.

Funnily enough, when we next went to the bar, a guy next to us asked us which beer we'd recommend and we got chatting and ended up spending the rest of the evening with him & his mates.

I thought of this thread.

FirstShinyRobe · 15/10/2016 23:55

And it had zero to do with attractiveness. It was about appropriate boundaries. Men who are willing to ignore social boundaries are of no interest to me.

venusinscorpio · 16/10/2016 00:03

I totally get it as I've had it with my mum, Firstshiny. Cringe!

venusinscorpio · 16/10/2016 00:06

We got offered a mother/daughter threesome once. In an airport hotel. That is definitely in my wtf collection!

FirstShinyRobe · 16/10/2016 00:09

Cringe is right! If any of them hadn't vacated when they did, my next comment would have been "you're embarrassing yourselves". Although, I think that is in the top 3 things of what not to say to a man if you want to stay safe.

FirstShinyRobe · 16/10/2016 00:15

We had a classic last year. I have a particularly stunning friend. She's unbelievably attractive and presents herself beautifully, although is about the least affected and vain person I know. We were in a bar in town with some other friends, again catching up after a while apart. There was this bloke on his own, drinking and looking at his ipad. He then came over, unprompted, to ask us to help choose his new kitchen, showing us the mock ups on his tablet. We were polite in declining to assist and you should have seen the change in his face. The outrage that 4 women wouldn't break up their conversation in order to assist was priceless. The barman ended up getting involved!

venusinscorpio · 16/10/2016 00:17

I can believe it. What did he say that the barman had to weigh in?

TotallyOuting · 16/10/2016 00:24

So can we expect men to look cynically at ugly women who are - of course - more likely to be cunning and manipulative?

You did get that I was talking about unattractive men who are being arseholey in the way they're talking/behaving while at the same time trying to chat someone up, yes? Deliberate displays of arrogance and negging etc? Which ugly women have you seen exhibit this behaviour while chatting men up lately? Which women are keen followers and users of PUA sites and The Red Pill?

Such utter bollocks.

FirstShinyRobe · 16/10/2016 00:39

venusinscorpio the barman was particularly observant and was, surprisingly for a man*, acutely aware of what was going on and the dynamic that was in play. Perhaps the man had previous form, I dunno.

*joke

IEatLemonCurdFromTheJar · 16/10/2016 00:42

Some blokes are creepy. Some aren't.
You're trying to make people agree with you that we decide on there level of creepiness depending on there looks.

You're wrong though.

FirstShinyRobe · 16/10/2016 00:49

Oh, and I have to say something about negging. I am delighted that I am ruled out by the PUAs because of my visceral reaction to the very first neg. It amazes me how common it is, though. What kind of low life do you have to be to give that a shot?

I wrote a whole load more, but deleted it because my question sums it up, really.

venusinscorpio · 16/10/2016 00:52

I'm intrigued as to your neg! I dated a PUA once, it was quite enlightening.