Do women use certain terms to 'shame' certain types of men?

[Enzouk]

Just wondering about female perspectives on this. I increasingly hear women calling guys 'creepy' as a shaming tactic..generally I think that the women doing so do it only if they don't find the man attractive. Where as they will pander to a guy who is physically attractive to thrm they will hate on a guy who acts the exact same way who physically is not attractive to them. I have seen women do it in front of groups of friends in a sort of 'lets put this guy in his place' way. Thoughts? And what do you think of women who do this?

Also, i suppose on similar lines...are women more shallow than men with regards to physical attraction?

erinaceus Are you able to accept the possibility that it may have taken a great deal of courage and grace to keep seeing life in the way I do?

enthusiasm Why would anyone be thinking you need them? I might say hello to someone but wouldn't for a second think their night was lacking if I didn't.

You like men to do a bit of a flirty dance with you. That's fine. I don't. Also fine. One isn't better than the other or more enlightened than the other. And if someone were to approach me out of the blue (a friend is happily married and it began just like that), I would 9 out of 10 times say no. I'd say it pleasantly, too, because I respect the courage it probably took. If my 'no' wasn't met with an instant acceptance, I would become a cat of another colour.

I have no clue why men seem to think that it's fine to approach a group of women who are quietly chatting and then try and insert themselves into that conversation, wherever it's taking place.

It just seems like weirdly entitled behaviour to me.

However, whenever it happens all the time we always politely listen to what he has to say and, if it's engaging, we might engage, but as it rarely is, then we just kind of freeze him out of the conversation. If he fucks off, then he's not creepy, just massively entitled, if he hangs around, then he's being creepy and will be treated as such. Same thing happens when strange women do the same, but with less of a frisson of "if we say no to her, is she going to become horribly aggressive and start wittering on trying to take over the conversation by simply gainsaying all legitimate points and then, when that fails again, resorting to ridiculous game playing?" Obviously, we're reminded that there are women who resort to this kind of betrayal of stupidity and misogyny, but luckily, women like this particular example are few.

The message is, creepy men can and regularly do become aggressive and sometimes violent, creepy women just tend to be dull and annoying.

a passing hello is not the same as introducing yourself to a group of people that are happily having a discussion between themselves what signs are they giving to a stranger that they are inviting others to join in

Maybe you haven't had your space invaded and felt threatened and that good for you

I am well aware that at times conversations cross over groups but also aware that at times people are not wanting to include others it's not hard to read those signals just some don't feel it applies to them

Must be great to live such a charmed existence, eh, EnthusiasmDisturbed? But you and I, and the vast majority of others on this thread live in the real world where such charms don't exist.

Yes sadly we do

i am pleased young women and girls are encouraged to be more assertive about dealing with unwanted attention and men harassing them

Of course it's different.
If you come onto someone and they respond well then you both flirt that's great.
If you come onto someone and they don't also feel the same and do respond similarly yet you continue to come onto them when it's clearly unwanted then yes that's creepy. It's not an insult for a woman to not like men giving them unwanted special attention.
We all have the right to say if we want to flirt or even converse with someone else.

*sexual not special

gonetoseeamanaboutadog

I do not understand your question.

You do not appear to have answered my question. Indeed, you appear to have answered my question with your own question. I am not sure why you have done this.

If you come onto someone and they respond well then you both flirt that's great.
If you come onto someone and they don't also feel the same and do respond similarly yet you continue to come onto them when it's clearly unwanted then yes that's creepy.

Yes, it would be.

Really, erin? Are you really not sure?

gonetoseeamanaboutadog

Yes. I am not sure why you have done this.

I have come to the conclusion that gone is doing what the majority of "creepy guys" do. Keeps on trying to engage with those who don't want to and when turn when the conversation does not go their way starts blaming them for their lack of social skills.

I'm surprised she's had time to take part in this thread, given that she's blaming women for being sexually assaulted on several others kua. But such is life.

However, whenever it happens all the time we always politely listen to what he has to say and, if it's engaging, we might engage, but as it rarely is, then we just kind of freeze him out of the conversation. If he fucks off, then he's not creepy, just massively entitled

So there isn't actually a consensus on what's creepy behaviour, then. Others up thread seemed to be saying it was creepy to go over and say hello at all. You just think it's arrogant, provided he takes a hint. I would think it depends on how it was done - whether it was creepy, arrogant or brave.

I come from a culture where people seem to chat a lot more to each other generally - you would not assume you were anonymous, anywhere. 'Saying hello' means passing the time of day which could mean anything up to finding out you're distantly related. But I would certainly not let my guard down - there's a balance between openness to new things and cynical awareness. However I do think many people in the world, men and women, would prove the most hardened cynic wrong if given the opportunity.

Don't assume my life is charmed though. Don't be so fucking patronising. You have no idea what can go on in the most apparently sheltered cultures, and are in no position to make assumptions about anyone else's life experiences.

Indeed Xeno ,but what do we know being women et al...

Well erin, I think you'll just have to think about it. Or not. I don't really care one way or the other.

kua Yes, that must be it. I must be a creepy guy myself! I used to be alarmed by the way feminists turn on women who don't agree with them - and I couldn't understand why you can't see how ridiculous it makes you look. But now? Water off a duck's back. If you don't want to engage, then don't. That's how it's done.

I am engaging, and yes I call it as I see it. You are a name on a page. I have no idea who or what you are. That said I have every right to challenge you on your comments here. You are spouting irrational and emotional comments not I.

I shouldn't worry about it erin

I think gone may have confused herself

OP, maybe Google #byefelipe

Rufus Thank you for thinking of me. With sincerity, I do appreciate it. I was not worried about it, though.

No, not confused.

Interesting choice of words, kua. A woman being accused of being irrational and emotional for calling it as she sees it. My logic is simply at an attempt to apply the same rules consistently across the sexes. I can see why you wouldn't like it but that's different. As for emotional - that's relative and there's nothing wrong with emotion. But I do know the adjective has been used by men in a pejorative sense about women for centuries. And I'd be embarrassed to use it as a criticism of another woman for that reason.

No worries erin

gone

You dont seem to be able to explain yourself to erin...confused

gone I can not tell if you are a woman or not solely from words on a screen you may tell me you are, but I do not have to believe just because you told me to!

Again, I'm not emotional you are.

gone how do you think the word emotional, as an adjective makes males feel? Has it been used by women in a pejorative sense about men for centuries. Possibly...

Am I smiling while looking directly at you? Beckoning?

Then please do come over and talk to me. I've invited you using physical signs interpretable by most human beings.

Am I deep in conversation with friends? Showing no interest in you at all? Smiling but not 'at' you?

Fuck off You aren't welcome, I have no interest in hearing your witty conversation just because YOU want to talk to me, you will get frozen out.

That was my attitude when I used to be on the pull. I can't see what is so hard to understand.