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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

DP wants to go on new DC's BC

525 replies

Jackieharris · 18/05/2015 14:03

He has just raised this out of the blue.

He isn't on our eldest DC's bc. That's never caused a problem. Now he's saying he wants that changed too.

I know this is 'normal practice' (hence posting on fwr not aibu/chat/parenting/relationships) but it's made me really anxious.

It came so out of the blue, I didn't have much of a response prepared. I said it hadn't caused any problems so why change. I said I didn't want to give up my exclusive rights. He said why and I gave the hypothetical scenario of him running off with a younger woman then being able to restrict where I live etc after a split.

He knew about my stance on this before we had dc1. He knows I had a very bad relationship experience before him (life threatening violence, stalking and breaking into new house after break up type stuff) so I just won't ever feel 100% safe with any man ever and need to have the security that I could escape if that happened again. From my PoV if he was on bc he could potentially use this power to continue to abuse me even if I left. (So many threads like that on relationships board and I know some irl examples too)

As long as he was never violent I'd always let him have fair access to dcs so I said to him why does he want it unless he doesn't trust me?

I'm now going to be constantly worried he'll bring it up again. Maybe he won't. I'll not mention it if he doesn't.

OP posts:
OutsSelf · 19/05/2015 21:27

The qualifier for that, Arsenic is that Regina claimed I was trying to belittle her and disparage her intelligence by using words she didn't use. Because I'm a psudeo intellectual

OutsSelf · 19/05/2015 21:30

But you introduced the notion of true feminism, Regina. That's the point scallops made

Reginafalangie · 19/05/2015 21:30

Out I have already admitted defeat. I have already said I am a dumb fuck. I have bowed down to the power of feminism and will now just accept that I LOVE MEN. I do not think all men are oppressors. I do not tar them all with the same brush as their forefathers before them or the nasty specimens that share their gender.

I am simply somebody that accepts individuals as they are regardless of gender, skin colour, sexual preference, country of origin.

I even like you and that is not said sarcastically. You are tenacious and passionate and have fought me at every turn while maintaining your dignity. I just aint that classy Grin

PuffinsAreFictitious · 19/05/2015 21:32

You're a pseudo intellectual Outs? Really?

Oh.

My.

Fucking.

Sides.

DixieNormas · 19/05/2015 21:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FloraFox · 19/05/2015 21:45

When the FWR bashers let rip on here, it makes me glad they'll go away soon. Who the fuck needs this shit when you're trying to have a chat?

shaska · 19/05/2015 21:47

Regina I wish you wouldn't feel bad about being less intellectual or schooled or whatever than other people. I'm very new here and half the shit on this board goes right over my head, but the occasional nugget of new knowledge goes in and that's fine by me, it's kind of why I'm here.

I challenged the 'pseudo intellectual' remark because it was passive aggressive and had no purpose other than to insult. I know you didn't say it - but you didn't have to answer my question about it either. And to copy paste a bunch of insults then raise your hands and say you were trying to help not offend is just frustrating because you and I both know it's not true. I'm not exactly classy either, I totally knew I was angling for a scrap by asking, and I shouldn't have done it really, so apologies to everyone for that.

MrBloomFantasies · 19/05/2015 21:47

those claims about true feminists were not disingenuous outs.. and i don't think regina has been rude at all.. imo what's happened is as usual a thread in the feminism section has descended into chaos because some people with differing views have contributed.

FloraFox · 19/05/2015 21:54

MrBloom the fact that you don't think Regina is rude is no surprise. Birds of a feather... can fuck off together

Reginafalangie · 19/05/2015 21:54

Regina I wish you wouldn't feel bad about being less intellectual or schooled

Ha ha I don't feel bad Smile I am happy with who I am. I don't pretend to be anyone else to fit in or otherwise. Please don't waste sympathy on me.

My intelligence or lack of it does not in anyway restrict my happiness or sense of fulfilment. I have a good job and people who love me and who I trust....yes that includes men Grin The fact hat I have to google big words doesn't worry me.....I am just happy that I have the ease and ability to google them cos carrying around a thesaurus would be a PITA!

DixieNormas · 19/05/2015 21:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Blistory · 19/05/2015 21:56

No, what happened was that women who are supportive of women got annoyed when a vulnerable poster was deliberately and persistently misunderstood and attacked.

You cannot fail to notice the sense of glee by some posters that there's yet another bunfight on FWR that they can point to as an example of the big bad feminists whilst completely avoiding the fact that they created the issue, provoked and attacked until they got a reaction and then stood back with wide eyed wonder pointing at the regulars and their vicious reaction to newbies.

Same old script all over again.

Reginafalangie · 19/05/2015 21:56

MrBloom the fact that you don't think Regina is rude is no surprise. Birds of a feather... can fuck off together

Ahh you don't have Outs class Flora.

MrBloomFantasies · 19/05/2015 21:57

hehehe flora aww it's lovely to feel appreciated Grin

shaska · 19/05/2015 22:04
  • pulls DM sad face over peace offering to regina being so resoundingly rejected -
Reginafalangie · 19/05/2015 22:08

I do love a good DM sad face. Grin

Arsenic · 19/05/2015 22:13

You cannot fail to notice the sense of glee by some posters that there's yet another bunfight on FWR that they can point to as an example of the big bad feminists whilst completely avoiding the fact that they created the issue, provoked and attacked until they got a reaction and then stood back with wide eyed wonder pointing at the regulars and their vicious reaction to newbies.

Erm really? You don't think it's the content of the 'reaction'?

To wit:-

Regina I wish you wouldn't feel bad about being less intellectual or schooled or whatever than other people.

I thought the snideness tendency of the main boards was getting too much, but this is something else.

Perhaps I shouldn't let myself be tempted in via active convos. Sneak in here when it's quiet, maybe.

But that's why there's the reputation for sneery pugilism, because these threads are the ones that come to mainstream attention (via active convos). They just get the biggest readership.

OutsSelf · 19/05/2015 22:17

Have you read the full thread Arsnic

CatsCantTwerk · 19/05/2015 22:19

When the FWR bashers let rip on here, it makes me glad they'll go away soon. Who the fuck needs this shit when you're trying to have a chat?

I have read these boards many of times but I have been too scared to post. For Feminists, some people on here are really nasty and unwelcoming. Half of the stuff spoke about on these boards are absolute alien to me.

I would class myself as being equal to my dp, is that what feminism is? Being an equal?

Sometimes The feminist on this board make me, as a woman feel unequal and this is what I am seeing here on this thread.

My dp does not make me feel unequal in any way at all but on here ,this board, it is like Woman (who call themselves Feminists) look down on any other woman who has an opinion other than their own. Does that not defeat the whole feminist thing?

The quote I copied says it all really, Whoever does not agree with us we will argue with till they fuck off and we can chat again and no one will disagree with what we are saying.

Makes no sense at all to me.

Blistory · 19/05/2015 22:21

Arsenic, that's taken out of context and was as a result of posters accusing others essentially of intellectual wankery and being incredibly rude.

And the last couple of posts by the people concerned should give you some idea of just how offended they really are. Or should that be how delighted they are ?

shaska · 19/05/2015 22:22

Oi! That was genuine. I actually honestly meant that. It seemed to me Regina was saying that wordiness or whatever was making her feel belittled and I genuinely don't think people should feel that way. I could be wrong on many fronts, my reading of it, my response, whatever, but I don't like being accused of intentional snideness when it wasn't there.

Maryz · 19/05/2015 22:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Reginafalangie · 19/05/2015 22:25

I am not delighted at all!!

You have made that assumption. I never intended to spend 24 hours of my life on this board it just sort of happened.

Just because I have admitted I am not as intelligent or wordy or classy as some posters you see that as me being delightful?? No it was just an admission. I am ok with that. If you want to see it as something more sinister so be it...I wont tell you how to think.

CatsCantTwerk · 19/05/2015 22:27

Regina I wish you wouldn't feel bad about being less intellectual or schooled or whatever than other people.

That is my point, right there. Go sisterhood/feminism whatever You want to call it. Another female being shot down by someone claiming to be 'feminist'.

Arsenic · 19/05/2015 22:28

Yes, tussles and argy-bargy and so on and so forth.

And then true nastiness.

Swipe left for the next trending thread