Thank you IKnowIAmButWhatAreYou for this comment.
And as for "They know he's their father" - do they? What about when they look at their birth certificates & say "Mummy, why isn't Daddy on here, is he really my Dad?"
I have been trying to type out a reply to this thread all day but haven't quite got it right so kept deleting, You have just opened up a door for me to say now what I want to say.
When I was a child I was sexually abused by my Dad, It went on for years and years and I never had the courage to tell anyone about what was going on, After all he was My Dad right? Who would believe a father could do such a thing to his Daughter?
When I was 12 I was looking through old photographs in my mums bedroom when no one was in, I guess you could call it snooping, once I got to the bottom of the box I found an envelope with paperwork inside so I opened it up to have a look. In the envelope was a birth certificate and a deed poll certificate, It was my birth certificate and the deed poll certificate was also mine.
On the deed poll certificate it was changing my name from 'smith' to 'thomson' I had ALWAYS been known as 'thomson' for as long as I could remember It was my Dad's name, my siblings name my family name!
I read on and it went on to say that they were applying for my name to be changed to 'thomson' as my half brothers were known by that name and I should be known by the same name as my half brothers and my mother and step-dad. This floored me completely. The next thing I looked at was my birth certificate and there it was in black and white Father- Mr Smith.
For years I lived with my abuser believing he was my Dad so there was nothing I could do about it. Once I found out that this man, this rapist was not my dad and I actually had a real dad it was the most horrendous thing I suffered, It hurt more than the actual abuse itself.
What I am trying to say is EVERY child deserves the truth, They deserve and have the right to know who their parents are.
I haven't spoken or seen my mum in years but because of that birth certificate I was able to track down my real Dad, He opened his arms and his new family welcomed me as their own, I was made to feel like I was wanted and loved in a proper NORMAL family environment, I haven't seen or spoken to my mum for years but she is still with her husband, my abuser. As for my real Dad, We were close, really close until last september when he passed away.
Op, If You are still reading this, please reconsider putting your dh on the birth certificates, You never know what is around the corner but one day your children will look at their bc and will ask questions. This is not about you or how you are feeling, It isn't even about your dh really, It is about your children and what is best for them.